Sometimes I wake up and I forget how lucky I am for the simple luxury of opening my eyes to see the first light of day. To hear the quiet of the morning, the sounds of the pups stirring, Jeff lying beside me breathing deeply, still lost in a dream. Somewhere off in the distance a plane is taking off full of passengers destined for faraway places. And I forget how lucky I am to be here. Not every day, but just some days. Most days I know! Life is a gift and I know it better than most! I know how quickly and unexpectedly it can be ripped away without warning. I know the importance of cherishing every moment, every second we have.
On October 7th nearly two years ago I learned my lesson. I learned the value of life and I learned how much I wanted to live. I learned to appreciate everything. Every up and down, every nuance, every tear, every giggle, every smile, every fret. I learned to feel it all, to let it all in, and to absorb it. Sometimes, I falter, but most days.........most days are like finding buried treasure every day. They are an adventure. Each one new and exciting and worth the effort.
October 8th will trigger the first day of the rest of my life. It's a pivotal day in some ways, but mostly it will be like any other. It will be day 1 of year 3. 3-5 is what they said when they diagnosed my secondary PHT following my acute PE resulting in 22 blood clots 2 years ago. But 3-5 was based on my life then. I was sedentary, inactive, full of unhealthy choices. Today I fight to live every day. I eat right, I go to the gym five days a week, I move all the time. I am strengthening my heart and lungs and working to make the most of them. I will not lay down and die just because that's what the medical community diagnosed. Not me.
Day 1 of year 3? First day of the rest of my life. That's what it signifies. Not the end, just the beginning.
Whatever your challenge, whatever you face, don't let others dictate your fate. Take it back. Take control of your life, your future, your destiny. Nobody can predict when or how our lives will end, and nobody can tell us how to live them while we are here. We chose! If you want to live a different life, follow a different path, then get off your ass and do it. Move your feet and make it happen. Happiness and health and peace are choices. Stop making excuses.
About Me
- Lisa
- I always wanted to write a book but could never focus long enough to make it happen. Maybe this blog will inspire me. Or maybe it can be an outlet for my jumbled thoughts and opinions. You may not always agree with me, but that's o.k. I would love to hear your thoughts anyway.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Splinters
Every experience in our lives leaves a mark. Positive or negative, it is etched in the canvas of who we are and our becoming. We start life and within seconds our canvas is already stained with blood and tears, love and pain, worry, relief, joy, sorrow & fear. The veil is thin at first, while innocence still lingers, and we long for the peace of what lies behind its gossamer threads while we face the life we have just been given. As we grow and learn, free will takes over, innocence slowly wanes, we forget about the veil and our canvas becomes more complex and layered with life's experiences.
In time, the canvas becomes three dimensional, as we begin to add elements to it. Each choice, each path taken, each fork in the road, a new element in its depth and story. Sometimes, we find our canvas leaving splinters on our skin, reminders of choices and experiences in the building up and tearing down and rebuilding of who we are along the way. The splinters can fester and become infected and poison the soul, or they can take root into the fabric and design of us and strengthen the skin like armor woven within. Its all about perspective, did that splinter teach you something?
Life is a constant learning and growing experience. When its over, our canvas is full and complex. I imagine it as comparative to a Picasso abstract, only accurately interpreted by those closest to the artist. I am a great artist and I wear full body armor every day, as I walk the streets of life. I endure the splinters and the wonderment of others as they observe my canvas and wonder what it is they are looking at. Interpreting the art. I carry my palette and my brushes with great pride knowing I've come far from where I began peaking back through the veil.
In time, the canvas becomes three dimensional, as we begin to add elements to it. Each choice, each path taken, each fork in the road, a new element in its depth and story. Sometimes, we find our canvas leaving splinters on our skin, reminders of choices and experiences in the building up and tearing down and rebuilding of who we are along the way. The splinters can fester and become infected and poison the soul, or they can take root into the fabric and design of us and strengthen the skin like armor woven within. Its all about perspective, did that splinter teach you something?
Life is a constant learning and growing experience. When its over, our canvas is full and complex. I imagine it as comparative to a Picasso abstract, only accurately interpreted by those closest to the artist. I am a great artist and I wear full body armor every day, as I walk the streets of life. I endure the splinters and the wonderment of others as they observe my canvas and wonder what it is they are looking at. Interpreting the art. I carry my palette and my brushes with great pride knowing I've come far from where I began peaking back through the veil.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
An open letter...........
To those who I no longer communicate with......
The door is always open, but I no longer make the journey to walk through it. I shut it and turned the deadbolt sometime ago. But...then..in a moment of weakness I went back and decided that it's not in my nature to be so cold and ruthless so I removed it from its hinges and have ever since that day left it as an open space. It is a threshold forever open to those who chose to use it, but I will never cross it's barriers. The only way for us to see or speak to one another is for those who wish to use it, to come through it on their own. I will never breach it's borders.
I did my part. For years I tried, putting myself out there, vulnerable, time and again only to be beaten back with words and actions unkind, judgmental, and dismissive. Both blatantly and passively behind my back and to others in my absence. Those who knew me not, chose to create their own realities and stories about my life and who I was, and never bothered to get the facts or know the truth. Behind the scenes....dirty underhanded, manipulative, envious, bitter, backstabbing occurred....it was hurtful and unnecessary....and all the while public proclamations about the value of family were shouted from the rooftops. I guess "FAMILY" only applied to a select a few, not to all. The truth was...30-50% depending on the day, were excluded. None of us are perfect, but each of us are worthy. We have each & every sibling, faced battles and challenges in our lives in one way or another, and we have each garnered wisdom and strength and humor from them. We may not share much in common, but we should at the very least share respect and kindness. Unfortunately, I have found those traits lacking in those who are silent in my life, and it's sad that we can't find a common ground on which to build peace.
I hold out the faintest glimmer of hope that someday it will happen, but it will not be my steps that make it so. It will be your footsteps and your momentum that triggers the process. I think of it occasionally, like today, but then like a wisp in the wind it's gone and I don't think of it again until the breeze returns. I've already expended too much energy and life on something that others don't want, I'll wait until they do, or accept that they never will. The door remains off the hinges either way.
The door is always open, but I no longer make the journey to walk through it. I shut it and turned the deadbolt sometime ago. But...then..in a moment of weakness I went back and decided that it's not in my nature to be so cold and ruthless so I removed it from its hinges and have ever since that day left it as an open space. It is a threshold forever open to those who chose to use it, but I will never cross it's barriers. The only way for us to see or speak to one another is for those who wish to use it, to come through it on their own. I will never breach it's borders.
I did my part. For years I tried, putting myself out there, vulnerable, time and again only to be beaten back with words and actions unkind, judgmental, and dismissive. Both blatantly and passively behind my back and to others in my absence. Those who knew me not, chose to create their own realities and stories about my life and who I was, and never bothered to get the facts or know the truth. Behind the scenes....dirty underhanded, manipulative, envious, bitter, backstabbing occurred....it was hurtful and unnecessary....and all the while public proclamations about the value of family were shouted from the rooftops. I guess "FAMILY" only applied to a select a few, not to all. The truth was...30-50% depending on the day, were excluded. None of us are perfect, but each of us are worthy. We have each & every sibling, faced battles and challenges in our lives in one way or another, and we have each garnered wisdom and strength and humor from them. We may not share much in common, but we should at the very least share respect and kindness. Unfortunately, I have found those traits lacking in those who are silent in my life, and it's sad that we can't find a common ground on which to build peace.
I hold out the faintest glimmer of hope that someday it will happen, but it will not be my steps that make it so. It will be your footsteps and your momentum that triggers the process. I think of it occasionally, like today, but then like a wisp in the wind it's gone and I don't think of it again until the breeze returns. I've already expended too much energy and life on something that others don't want, I'll wait until they do, or accept that they never will. The door remains off the hinges either way.
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