An open letter...........

To those who I no longer communicate with......


The door is always open, but I no longer make the journey to walk through it.  I shut it and turned the deadbolt sometime ago. But...then..in a moment of weakness I went back and decided that it's not in my nature to be so cold and ruthless so I removed it from its hinges and have ever since that day left it as an open space.  It is a threshold forever open to those who chose to use it, but I will never cross it's barriers.  The only way for us to see or speak to one another is for those who wish to use it, to come through it on their own. I will never breach it's borders.


I did my part. For years I tried, putting myself out there, vulnerable, time and again only to be beaten back with words and actions unkind, judgmental, and dismissive. Both blatantly and passively behind my back and to others in my absence. Those who knew me not, chose to create their own realities and stories about my life and who I was, and never bothered to get the facts or know the truth. Behind the scenes....dirty underhanded, manipulative, envious, bitter, backstabbing occurred....it was hurtful and unnecessary....and all the while public proclamations about the value of family were shouted from the rooftops. I guess "FAMILY" only applied to a select a few, not to all. The truth was...30-50% depending on the day, were excluded.  None of us are perfect, but each of us are worthy. We have each & every sibling, faced battles and challenges in our lives in one way or another, and we have each garnered wisdom and strength and humor from them. We may not share much in common, but we should at the very least share respect and kindness.  Unfortunately, I have found those traits lacking in those who are silent in my life, and it's sad that we can't find a common ground on which to build peace.


I hold out the faintest glimmer of hope that someday it will happen, but it will not be my steps that make it so.  It will be your footsteps and your momentum that triggers the process.  I think of it occasionally, like today, but then like a wisp in the wind it's gone and I don't think of it again until the breeze returns. I've already expended too much energy and life on something that others don't want, I'll wait until they do, or accept that they never will. The door remains off the hinges either way.