Garage Sale...

It's funny how much we collect without even realizing it.  I consider myself somewhat of a minimalist.  I purge ..frequently. If it doesn't get used it goes. Granted there are exceptions to the rules like seasonal items...but even so...mostly, if its broken, unused, outdated, or simply falls into that category of "hey..I forgot I had that", then I can do without it. After all, I went without knowing I had it this long..right?

So in the process of moving, you begin to realize, that even in the midst of all this purge, you still accumulate, against your greatest efforts. Things just seem to build up. Time for a garage sale.

And then, after the move, as I sit unpacking boxes, in the quiet of the house, waiting for Direct TV to reactivate my service which apparently can't be done until Saturday because they are so busy,  I have time to do nothing but think. I ponder. I compare this move and this need to purge, streamline, de-clutter once again, my physical world to my emotional world. A life without media outlets like internet, tv, etc, can be a dangerous thing.  It leads to philosophical thoughts and contemplation and in my hands, that can be highly disruptive......or not.

You see I realize,  I have already streamlined my emotional world.  I only hold on to those people in my life I consider pieces of my heart. I regularly de-clutter and trim the fringe and tattered threads that fray and pull at the seams of my sanity and self esteem. I have on occasion spent countless hours, days, months and years, trying to mend gaping holes of sibling and familial relationships that can never be worn and hold no treasured value to others, without which the darning of the threads is pointless. Why bother, cut the threads and move on.

Depending on who you speak with, family and friends are either of great value or little consequence. For me, they are neither and both. It is entirely depending on the individual and the size of the heart and commitment to the effort. Just as in moving there are a million different sizes of boxes and not every box will fit the need for every item.  Some things have to be packed gingerly in bubble wrap marked fragile, while others can be tossed about carefree. Somethings will be put on display while others will be placed in drawers. Relationships, people, hearts are never one size fits all and the solutions and answers are never textbook.

For me, its pretty cut and dry. Like everything else in my life.  If its touched, seen, used, felt...I keep it. I cherish it, I hold on to it and I care for it. If it brings me nothing but pain, sadness, emptiness, void, no value, question, apathy...then its time for a garage sale. I occasionally find myself looking for that item I once sold or donated, but then I remember why and I am at peace with it. If you are friend or family who I communicate with, you know who you are and you know that I treasure and love you, with all that I have. And if we are not, well....

From the Top of my Head to the Tips of my Toes.....

I think every muscle, every fiber of my skin and bone and tissue and sinew was used in the process of moving.  Today we rest. There is more to be done. Remnants you might say. A trail of things to gather. The Office has yet to be packed. There are items straggling in each room which will be boxed and gathered as we clean. That can wait for Saturday.

For today, the new dwelling is settling, Boxes are unpacked, things are finding their places and a certain calm is blanketing the air. Though there are certain to be things we find along the way that need changing or fixed, they will come in time. Today.... we rest.

Until the ghosts stir and the house decides to either accept us or reject us......yeah... Wyatt is convinced the house is haunted. It probably didn't help that we talked about the recent remake of Evil Dead or that we watched Insidious on DVD last night either. 

There is a door (the one that will be our new office space) that keeps closing on its own.  No open windows or doors creating breezes  that seem to contribute to it.... It just closes..with a light slam. Creepy, but not conclusive.

There is of course the Garage, filled with spiders, but what garage isn't full of spiders after having been vacant for a while? Creepy but not conclusive.

The Off-Limits Attic with the padlock on the door leaves the imagination to run wild and wonder what could possibly be up there. What if  its grandmas corpse in her flower dress in a rocker, or a deep freezer full of body parts? Jars full of experiments like in American Horror Story, Season 1? Creepy but not conclusive.

And then.....the discovery of all discoveries. Wyatt and his friend Nick noticed a loose board with a finger hole on the patio deck while we were moving in. Naturally, they took the first opportunity while Jeff and I were away, to lift the secret hatch and see what lay beneath. There was a short ladder leading to a door with a latch on it. And now the imagination and haunted stories begin. Neither boy had the gumption to go down the stairs or behind the door, but the mere idea of it has sparked intrigue.

The simple truth is, its probably access for plumbing and heating and such, but as in Evil dead they now have sinister creatures emerging from the heater vents in my floor coming from beneath the house and behind that door in that secret dungeon.  They have invented a world of dark and dangerous creatures that go bump in the night  in this old house. All we can do is hope they accept us and don't make our lives too unbearable.

If the plumbing issue this morning in which the Washing machine caused a backup in the kitchen sink is any indication, the ghost are already causing mayhem and staking their claim.. They don't know who they are messing with. I hate moving and I am not about to do it again anytime soon, so having said that, ghost or not, I'm staying, so buckle up , and hold on tight. Things might go bump in the night, but nothing is more formidable than a determined me. 

I ache from head to toe, and I am not moving again. Setting off a bug bomb in the garage, leaving the attic padlocked, putting a doorstop by the office door, calling a handyman to fix the plumbing, and for gods sake... leaving the dungeon alone. That should cover it.

Innocence Lost...Days Gone By

Last night as I lay in bed searching for something to watch on TV as I fell asleep, an old movie caught my eye and a memory vividly filled my senses.  As I began to tell Jeff about it, it became starkly apparent, as it does so often at 1 a.m. when I simply can't sleep, that the world we live in today is very different than the world we lived in when I was child.

To say I grew up sheltered would be an understatement. My mother was convinced that the devil was around every corner, living in every neighbors home, on every record (yes I said record), in every book not promoted by the church, and in every television show not Mutual of O'Maha Wild Kingdom, Jacques Cousteau, or Laurence Welk. Books containing any reference to magic like today's Harry Potter, would have been worthy of burning by her standards, Satan's playground. Like I said.....a different time.

Television was scandalous enough with shows like Threes Company, The Love Boat, Love American Style, Maude, and Laugh In. To catch a glimpse of these was a feat of mission impossible and I felt quite accomplished and rebellious when I managed to do so even if only for a minute or two. Movies were a bit more complicated.  I remember my mother being furious with my Aunt Marie and my Grandmother Aileen when during one summers visit they took me to see Disney's Escape to Witch Mountain.  Imagine her horror a few years later when when she discovered me watching Flashdance at my church boyfriends home while his parents were there.

There was the summer that the traveling evangelists came through town and spent a week convincing the adults that our records were playing messages from the devil when played in reverse at extreme slow speeds.  So naturally, mom broke all of my records except for a few I could scurry away and keep her from finding. Its funny, listen to anything in super slow motion reverse and it will always sound demonic and creepy....go figure

Today, in comparison, the shows my mother and our generation saw as risque and walking the line of decency vs. indecency, are tame. The humor is corny and silly. Censorship has been pushed far beyond the boundaries it once knew and sex and innuendo is commonplace. To find an "innocent" show is rare. Shows like Two Broke Girls rely on one overtly sexual innuendo after another to keep the laughter going. Modern Family relies on the subtlety of the sexual undertows between its characters to keep the dynamic and energy high.  Our music lyrics are all about sex, drugs, and violence and profanity is the norm. Movies are rated differently than they were then. What used to receive an R rated is more PG-13 now.

My kids have a whole different view of the world than I did.  But here is the good thing.......

Growing up so overwhelming sheltered, makes a child struggle to discover what lies beneath the shroud of secrecy.  Rebellion reigns and rules are broken. The parent-child dynamic is fractured, sometimes beyond repair, and a life long lack of understanding and failure to connect is fostered and grows like a fungus. 

Allowing a child to experience life, albeit with parental guidance and a gentle hand and nudge in the right direction when needed, allows them to see the world as it is.  They learn that not all the cookies in the cookie jar are to their taste, and that sometimes too much candy can make you can you sick.  They learn to trust their judgment and to make good choices.  Yes....mistakes will be made, but they can own them and not blame the over protective parent for sheltering them so much that they didn't know what they were getting into.

As I fell asleep last night to the movie I secretly watched while babysitting at Becky and Lou Whitlocks house when I was 15, I remembered feeling so naughty at the time because I knew it was forbidden, and yet.....here and now....I fell asleep, bored and without interest, having seen it once decades ago and not remembering even why it mattered. Cat People......Really????? What was I thinking?

Tipping the Scales.....Balancing the Work.......

Let me just put it out there, bold and truthful, blunt and honest,  Moving Sucks.  O.k.  not so much the getting to start somewhere new, somewhere better, somewhere bigger, but the packing, the prep, the organizing and putting everything together. What a nightmare.

Here's the best part...my guys think I have the EASY part.  No...really. They think the fact that they have to pick the boxes up, put them on a truck, and then take them back off a truck makes their job the hardest. Really?  Really???!!!

I am the one who spent weeks finding the house..calling Realtors, visiting houses, filling out paperwork, budgeting finances, making sure we had a house to move to. 

I am the one who arranged to make sure we have all the amenities necessary to live; electricity, gas, water, tv, internet, you know....clean clothes, showers, all those things you rely on....that's right...you'll have those because of me. 

We wouldn't have a truck to move in if I hadn't made the call by the way.... :)  Your Welcome. :)

And the packing....Do you know how much work it is to pack a three bedroom house plus kitchen, dining room, laundry room, etc.?  I work full time 40-50 hours a week and come home every night to pack until midnight. Those piles of boxes that seem to be growing exponentially, are not magical, they are me. Again...Your welcome :)

And while we are talking about work balance, here,  who do you think is going to be unpacking all those boxes and putting things away at the new house? YOU????  LOL.  Stand up comedy might be your next gig, you should keep it in mind.  That's really funny.

Bottom line.

I appreciate having big strong guys around to help with the move, but please don't demean and belittle my contribution because you think your muscle and a few hours of work on your part trumps the weeks of effort and time I have dedicated to making sure we have a home to go to.

Thanks.

Now onward and upward,  lets pack this baby up and make a move. across town.....lol

Never Put Off Until Tomorrow What You Can Do Today

It's a wisdom we hear our whole lives, and it usually goes in one ear and out the other. We pay no heed to its meaning because we fail to see any relevance in it. We are young, vibrant, healthy. We are active, busy, successful, social. We have friends and things to do.

We have time, to be grownups, responsible and legitimate later. But isn't that what we all think? Living in the moment, the here and now, sometimes we forget to think about the bigger picture.

Sometimes we want better for ourselves, from ourselves, but.....we think we can work at that tomorrow. Sometimes the temptations of immediate gratification and the adrenaline rush of the thrill outweigh common sense, and sometimes.....just sometimes.....tragedy occurs and tomorrow....all those tomorrows...never come.

By the time I was 30 I was a mother to two young boys and a wife twice over. I was already a grown up and any notion of youthful partying was a faded memory like waking in the wee hours of dawn from a dream you can scarcely harvest images from.  Lets be honest, I was never much of a drinker or partier anyway. I am admittedly an alcohol lightweight, and a true innocent as far as drugs go. I have always been a bit of a wallflower, full of anxiety ridden angst in large social situations, so even in my wildest days, I was a bit of snore. Adulthood was a good fit for me and a natural and easy transition.

But there are those who fight the process of growing up with every fiber of their being.  I guess on some deeply rooted level, I am secretly in awe of these vivacious and crazy lifetastic (oooh I should coin that word,  love it, made it up and love it) individuals. They live their lives just for the moment. They take risks. They like thrills. They are not afraid of the underbelly and seedier side of the world and they live life in the moment.....for now.  It must be exhausting at times not knowing what comes next, scary even. But.... I know from personal interaction, that at some point every one of these individuals reaches a point when they are ready to begin thinking about tomorrow, not just today.

Last week, a young man I knew who lived on the edge just a little too long , fell off. I know he had reached a point where he was ready to begin planning a tomorrow. In our last conversation, he spoke of desperately wanting and being ready to find a girl he could love and have a family with. He spoke of securing stable employment and getting his life on track. He spoke of purging his life of those who were holding him back and surging forward, into a future of hope and happiness, peace and health.  He wanted out of the neighborhood and out of the life he considered his downfall. He was ready. He had the potential.  He had a dream. He had goals.

But...as is often the case with theses eclectic lifetastic savants, there is always the need for one last joy ride, one last adventure, one last thrill.  Tragically, his dreams and his goals will never be realized. At the age of 30, his life was taken. Unnecessarily, unceremoniously, without regard, without care, without any shred of decency. He was robbed of his dreams, his belongings, his dignity, and all his tomorrows without regard. He made a choice, its true, but the individuals present, made a choice too, and theirs was a choice resulting in the death of a 30 year old man who had family and friends, a future of hopes and dreams, and the right to live. The choice of those responsible for allowing him to die and doing nothing was indecent. They chose to steal his belongings, his wallet, his possessions, as they walked around his body lying there fading from this world into the next. They were criminals. Free will is a funny thing...sometimes it lets us make the worst choices. Worry not...Karma is truly a bitch, and the universe gives back to you what you put out there

The lesson is simple, live your life, live it lifetastically, but do it well, do it safely, do it smart, do it without regret and remember we never know, NONE of us, what tomorrow brings or even if tomorrow will come.

Be happy today, treat people well, respect everyone, even those who live their lives differently than you, and remember we all occupy space on this planet we all call home. Chose your friends well. Chose people who will care for you, love you, and help you when you need it most, not those who would leave you to die in pile of your own ilk. Help everyone, but open your home only to those you know would do the same for you.