Spring has Sprung - Is it Ragweed or Cherry Blossoms?

I am one of the lucky ones. I see the dogwood pollen floating on the breeze like little tufts of cotton candy, and I find myself visually following its' path to see where it lands. Its actually mesmerizing.  The local news anchors (when I can stand to tune in to their nonsensical ramblings about non-news items) talk about today's pollen count and I passively file the information away for conversation should any of my allergy riddled friends mention their own struggle and plight.

As for me,  yesterday on my across the courtyard at work I saw a mother duck with her young ducklings as they waddled across the pathway in front of me and as I yielded the right of way to my foul friend, I thought how quintessentially spring  this moment was.  It was new life, new beginning, another year, and new cycle fresh and sweet. They come every twelve months give or take a few days or weeks depending on that rodent Phil and his shadow, and it gives us all time to hit the refresh button.

We plant new gardens....change it up and stay the course.....it's all about opportunity. Do we plant the same tried and true, or do we explore something zany and new? Do we want cherry tomatoes or heirlooms, or maybe this year we want tomatillos?  How about Herbs, or maybe just flowers? What magic potions or pretty pictures do you plan to creatively design this season?

Spring means 70's and sunshine one day and 50's and grey skies the next.  But spring also means that everyday something new is blooming in my yard, and in the fields outside my office window.  The smell of fresh mowed grass is in the air and somewhere in the distance I can hear another lawn being shorn. 

At night I can hear crickets again and I think there are frogs somewhere nearby too, though I don't know where a water source might be? Everything is waking up from the cold winter months, and yet I can still enjoy the coziness of one last fire in the hearth and a warm blanket to snuggle under in the evening.

I don't mind the blooms and dogwoods, the invisible villain they name 'Pollen'. I see Cherry Blossoms and Mother Ducks and I'm reminded that every spring life reboots.

I am Serious and Don't call me Surely

I realized recently that my boys have been right about me for some time.  Seriously. I know you must think I'm losing my mind what with the cutting back in calories, and excessive time at the gym...but I am quite Serious. 

My boys have been telling me for years that I am a little bit controlling.  I like to control the world around me and make sure it fits my expectations and needs.  I have a general vision in my head for how I want life to play out for myself and those I love and care for, and I work diligently to help ensure that all roadblocks are removed that might prevent or otherwise obstruct the path to achieving those goals.

It takes a LOT of energy and control to keep all of the balls for this virtual extreme juggling act in the air, but its worth it. Well it was worth it...until one day I woke up and realized the little boys whose lives I had been able to guide and manage and direct, no longer needed my management skill set.

I tried turning the skill set to Jeff, but he can only take so much before he kindly but clearly indicated it was time for me to redirect my need to control something elsewhere. He loves me but even I can acknowledge I was being a butt head. I'm lucky he's patient with me.

I dabbled in wine, hats, cowboy boots, candles, and various other obsessions, all of which I have learned and mastered my control of my urge to have them over, but they all left me empty with a need still for something I could take control of heart and soul..

And then it hit me.  I would take back control of my health and weight. I am in control of how I feel and how I look. I decide what to eat and how much I weigh.  It's within my control and it's up to me to take control and determine how much I can contribute to my health and future.

Some things are out of my hands, but the food I put in my mouth and the steps my feet take, are completely mine to determine. 

So I redirect all that control I once relished as mom taking care of my boys, teaching, guiding, loving and making sure they were on the right paths to being the amazing young men they are, and I turn it back on me.

I seriously get it.  Surely it shouldn't have taken me so long, but it's never too late. I feel better today that I did a month ago, and six months from now I will be a different person.

Fingers Crossed.

Planners vs. Procrastinators - The Epic Battle

Are you a planner or a procrastinator?  Do you stay awake at night thinking of all the details that need to be taken care of in order for your plans and projects to succeed flawlessly and to great praise? Do you make lists and begin preparations months in advance.

No matter the event; No matter the simplicity or complexity: You have every detail thought out, envisioned, mapped and precisely ready in your mind.  You have time tables for each task to be completed and you have built in safety nets just in case.  There is always a plan 'B' for your plan 'B'. Failure is not an option.

But even as you stay on track, and realistically you know you've never missed a deadline, you panic every time, and stress overwhelms you and thereby those around you as projects, party's, events, holidays, vacations, plans, draw nearer and nearer.  What did you forget? Something?! Nothing!  Something?!  Nothing!  You banter with yourself an internal conflict that externally reflects demanding or panicked bitch mode. And you try to calm, but your forgot something?!  Nothing! and then the time and event comes, and goes, and everything happens as it should and it's flawless and whatever you forgot is forgotten and not one notices, not even you!  And you breathe and you rest and everyone says how much fun they had, and the planner in you was a success.

But sometimes, you wonder........just sometimes.....is it all worth it. Do you ultimately stress and worry just as much as the procrastinator? Scurrying about at the last moment trying to pull it all together?  Do the the details REALLY matter all THAT much? Do people REALLY notice? Would it be worth it just to laze about for months and weeks and days on end leading up to whatever the grand event, without a care or thought towards it. Just living in the moment not caring? Isn't a passing grade passing whether it's Satisfactory or Exemplary in the grand scheme of things equal and passing all the same?  Why not put in just enough effort to make it work and relax?

O.K.  Truth........Even typing that stressed me out.  The mere idea stresses me out. Of COURSE the details matter.  Planning ahead, thinking ahead, being strategic with my time and efforts, doing the best work I can and delivering a kick ass result, it's the only thing I know how to do. If it means you have to deal with bitch mode occasionally, then deal with it. I deal with your dirty socks, and all kinds of annoying habits. Do I sometimes wake from a dead sleep with a thought about a project I'm working on? Well of course, I do! Who doesn't!?!?!?  This is life. It's why you love me and it's the balance I bring to my world of men who procrastinate the simple task of waking daily.  What would they do without me.

Their universe keeps evolving because I plan it out for them.