I am Serious and Don't call me Surely

I realized recently that my boys have been right about me for some time.  Seriously. I know you must think I'm losing my mind what with the cutting back in calories, and excessive time at the gym...but I am quite Serious. 

My boys have been telling me for years that I am a little bit controlling.  I like to control the world around me and make sure it fits my expectations and needs.  I have a general vision in my head for how I want life to play out for myself and those I love and care for, and I work diligently to help ensure that all roadblocks are removed that might prevent or otherwise obstruct the path to achieving those goals.

It takes a LOT of energy and control to keep all of the balls for this virtual extreme juggling act in the air, but its worth it. Well it was worth it...until one day I woke up and realized the little boys whose lives I had been able to guide and manage and direct, no longer needed my management skill set.

I tried turning the skill set to Jeff, but he can only take so much before he kindly but clearly indicated it was time for me to redirect my need to control something elsewhere. He loves me but even I can acknowledge I was being a butt head. I'm lucky he's patient with me.

I dabbled in wine, hats, cowboy boots, candles, and various other obsessions, all of which I have learned and mastered my control of my urge to have them over, but they all left me empty with a need still for something I could take control of heart and soul..

And then it hit me.  I would take back control of my health and weight. I am in control of how I feel and how I look. I decide what to eat and how much I weigh.  It's within my control and it's up to me to take control and determine how much I can contribute to my health and future.

Some things are out of my hands, but the food I put in my mouth and the steps my feet take, are completely mine to determine. 

So I redirect all that control I once relished as mom taking care of my boys, teaching, guiding, loving and making sure they were on the right paths to being the amazing young men they are, and I turn it back on me.

I seriously get it.  Surely it shouldn't have taken me so long, but it's never too late. I feel better today that I did a month ago, and six months from now I will be a different person.

Fingers Crossed.