Don't Scratch that Itch

Some general guidelines and reminders for appropriate public etiquette are in order today.

1. Don scratch that itch! We have all been there when that itch suddenly overwhelms, it comes without warming and with n regard for where you are or in whose company you might be. Please, for the love of god, don't scratch it.  There is nothing worse than being the unwilling observer of the inappropriate public itcher. YES, we can all see you scratching your nuts/butt/boob/lady parts/ etc. You may think your being subtle and sneaky and that no one will notice, but we do! And its really AWKWARD, somewhat offensive, oddly fascinating, and just generally creepy.

2. Got a wedgie? Don't fix it in public. We see you standing by your car trying to pull the wrenched undergarment out of your crevices. Find a restroom. That strange walk you do with the weird leg twitch, trying to dislodge the wedgie, only leads us to concern for your health and safety. Are you having a spasm of some sort, should we call 911? The solution is easy; either, find a private restroom stall and fix it properly, or; avoid the wedgie all together by purchasing the correct size underwear so the too small versions don't creep up your bum.

3. Bodily functions and self pleasure are meant to be private! I don't need to see you peeing or taking a squat in the bushes at the edge of Joann's Fabrics. Nor should you ever assume it's acceptable to pleasure yourself, however covered up you might consider yourself, in public.  EWWW gross, that's all I can say on the topic without further throwing up in the back of my mouth.

Most of this is simple logic and basic self awareness, but I've realized these are traits not all people possess. Some are severely lacking.  Try to turn away, try not to watch, but sometimes its like watching the monkeys at the Zoo.  You know the behaviors might get unquestionably bad, but you watch anyway, secretly proud that you are the superior species.  Call them out on their bad behavior and they might throw feces at you.