Smarmy, Heeby Jeeby, Willys, Creepy Guys

There are nice guys out there. Trust me, I've known a few. I'm raising two. Men who treat women right, with respect and appreciation. Men who are kind and have good hearts. Men who are strong but know how to be soft and gentle too.

They come in all packages. Young and old, tall and short, thin and more robust (no i didn't say fat...that's mean). Some are athletic and some are more relaxed (not lazy, just more leisurely). You have the health fanatics and the foodies, the models, and the behind the scenes geniuses, the techies, the socialites, the shy ones and the extroverts. All shapes and sizes. But a good guy, can be found by the size of his heart and the compassion in his soul. No one is perfect, but the good guy recognizes and acknowledges his flaws and he works hard to compensate for them. He isn't afraid to say he's sorry, and he's willing to forgive when you say your sorry too without the penalty of purgatory, no grudges necessary. He shows affection, and is fiercely loyal and protective.

But there are also too many creepy guys out there, and too many women who settle for them but deserve so much better. I understand the heart wants what the heart wants, and that the creep factor goes both ways. Great guys settle for creepy women too, but the odds always seems to be so much heavier weighted the other direction. Men who think they are gods gift to the universe and that every woman should lust for them are everywhere and at all ages. You would think they would eventually mature and learn, but once a slime ball, always a slime-ball I guess.  They openly flirt and court the idea of one foot out the door and laying the ground work even in front of the women they presently profess to care for, and commit to. These smarmy, I'm too sexy for my shirt guys, frequently know little about the real meaning of commitment and instead use relationships and sex as power plays to manipulate the women in their lives into giving them what they want. They control everything from friendships, to money, to family, to personal hygiene and weight.  Most of the women who find themselves suddenly stuck in this relationship, are smart and independent women, who simply don't know how to break out, often times until they have been broken down, and realize enough is enough.

Heeby Jeeby men, make cheesy come on lines, and make the majority of women want to go home and scrub clean. They are inappropriate and often rude, and if rebuffed usually turn defensive and aggressive. A good course scrub in a scalding hot shower never seems enough to get the oil of this sleaze out of your head. Then there is the guy who stares too long at your breast, or brushes up against you "accidentally" in line. You know the guy who gives you the willys and makes your skin crawl, greasy hair, dark eyes, slumps a bit, walks with his head down, never quite looks people in the eyes.  You go away feeling violated and spend the next few weeks watching your back and avoiding dark corners. A little pepper spray or a personal stun gun might be a good investment.

But the worst Creep isn't the stranger on your bus, or in the line at the concession stand, its the one sharing your bed who treats you like a second rate citizen. Who belittles you, and demeans you, and acts as if your thoughts and feelings are of little consequence in comparison to his. The biggest jerk is the one who tells you he loves you then treats you like a slave. Or never tells you he loves you at all but keeps you on an invisible leash like a pet.

I've been there, done that, I'm all about partnerships now. Mutual respect and appreciation, everyone brings a value and something special to the table. It all equals out and I never feel taken for granted or abused, emotionally or otherwise. Relationships mature as we grow older, or at least they are supposed to.

Remember when the bad outweighs the good its time to say goodbye and move forward. Its never too late to reclaim who you are, and find your strength, your courage, your beauty and your independence as a woman.  If a man loves you, he will accept them all and love you because of them. Never compromise your emotional, mental, or physical well being for a man.  If he infers you cant survive without him, walk away and prove him wrong.