I Grow Weary.....

Do you ever just grow tired of the people in your life who are on perpetual roller coasters and can't seem to find footing enough to stand still long enough to take measure of the life they have and how lucky and blessed they are? 

I grow weary of those who wash in and out like ocean waves on the shore. Willing to touch my life tangentially for a brief moment and then vanish again. Repeating the cycle in unpredictable sequences with or without cause created in their own minds and justified through phantom actions which no amount of defense can surmount.

I grow weary of letting people in who I know will inevitably turn away as they have done time and again, simply because I don't want to be cruel or unkind and make the first cut.

I grow weary of unfounded accusations and unstable people who throw them around foolishly blaming others for offenses unfounded and baseless.

I grow weary of the emotional toll it takes to placate the irrational, and the elevator ride from the penthouse to basement that never ends on broken cables.

I grow weary of caring enough to worry rather or not there will be a next time. I've done all I can, I am who I am. I live my life honest and truthful, loyal and open hearted. I don't know that there is room for pettiness and and unbridled anger and bitterness.

I grow weary of trying only to fail in spite of my best efforts and owing to nothing I have control over. And I grow weary of facing the emotional guillotine and having my head placed on a figurative spike every few months because of imagined offenses which never occur.

I am committed to ending my weariness, curtailing the allowance of these individuals in my life, and focusing on those who lift me up, and make me smile.  I don't expect perfection from my friends, but an open and even exchange of kindness and hope, laughter and tears, absent of accusation and petty grievances and intolerable vengeful behaviors.