Love is Unconditional

Love - Its a big word and it means a lot of things to each of us and yet it is as unique as a fingerprint for every living creature it touches.

We all desire to be loved and to love in return. We all seek the acceptance and comfort love fills us with.

Just like every other person on the planet, I have spent my life wanting nothing more than simply to be loved.

I won't lament about my childhood.. In the end and with hindsight, I can see my parents did the best they could. There were struggles, and there were mistakes, but in truth no family is perfect.  I believe my father loved me with everything he had to give, and I believe my mother loves me now, and that's all that matters. Everything else is history.

To the casual observer, my search for love has been interesting to say the least. Some have judged me by my failures and missteps along the way, but who hasn't made mistakes, and 'let he without sin, cast the first stone'.  Whats that,  no stones being thrown? Well then....moving on.

The truth is, I have a thick skin,  and am used to the stigma and judgment that comes from people about divorce.  It is is only magnified by the fact that I have done it twice.  But the reality is that some of us search our whole lives for that partner that brings balance to the world we live in, and never find it. Sometimes it's trial and error. And some people hit the lottery and get it right the first time.  They are the minority, the few, the lucky.  But keep in mind that there are also those who are stuck in that first marriage without love, without joy, and without hope.  They exist from day to day because of arbitrary expectations that bar them emotionally from pursuing divorce and seeking a happier and more fulfilled life.

I try to live by the mantra, if at first you don't succeed, try try again. I know that is so unexpected when it comes to love, but sometimes its necessary.

Love should complete us. It should be as gentle as the pillow you lay your head on to sleep at night. It should warm you when your cold and energize you when you need that last boost of gusto.  Love should be calming when you are at rest, and fun when you are playful and love should keep you company when you are lonely.

Love isn't about control or power over someone less than you. Love is not cruel and violent. Love should not be secretive, or deceptive, or full of lies.  Love is not demeaning, and soul crushing, it's not about tearing someone down and stealing their self esteem and hope. Love is not about one person, it is about two people. Its not about seeking escape, but rather coming together.

Love is unity and respect and acceptance and encouragement. 

It's true I married and divorced...twice... and in the end I came full circle and fell in love with a boy I dated as a girl.  Funny how our lives do that to us sometimes. We go out, we explore, we live, we learn, and when we are ready, fate finds a way to sometimes take us back to the beginning.Its our own personal 'Do Over'.

My first marriage, was all about the secrets and deception, it was a life built on a web of lies that fell apart soon after it began.  My second marriage, was about control, power, and selfishness. It was cruel and destructive and when it ended it was liberating.  My relationship now, is about respect, and joy, support and consideration.  It is about two people who have been through dark times and have stepped into the light.  Its easy and comfortable and it is life affirming.

Love, is complicated, if it wasn't it would be worth it. But it should never be destructive to spirit, mind, or body. I may have taken a long road to get there, but I wouldn't change a thing.  I have learned so much along the way and experienced life as an extreme sport, and I am grateful for the lessons I have learned. I am a strong woman today in part due to the paths I have taken to find love,  and I appreciate the experience of it that much more because of where I've been.

Love Freely, Love Equally, Love Respectfully, Love With All Your Soul!