Forgive and Forget or Forgive but Never Forget

Everyone experiences a time or situation in which they are hurt by the actions or words of someone they trust.  It may in fact not be an action at all but an inaction or blatant apathy.  Either way, at some point we have all been what can simply be defined as betrayal and we have all been betrayers.

The face of betrayal can be a friend, a coworker, a trusted caregiver, a counselor, a spouse, a parent, a relative, or any other person in which you might place your trust and faith.

The betrayal may be a simple lie, an act of omission, theft, deception, manipulation, or any other act resulting in destructive consequences large or small.

The question you will face will be can you forgive. I think we are all designed to forgive, some easily and quick, while others can hold a grudge much longer. People who forgive too easily are sometimes seen as naive and foolish.  Easy marks.  While those who are less apt to forgive so soon, are characterized as cold and vindictive.  I think both assessments are unfair.  Unless we know all of the extenuating circumstances and the heart of the person maligned, we have no right or place to pass judgement.  The  fact is that even if we know every finite detail we still have no right or place to judge.

The next question you will face, is Forgive and Forget or Forgive but Never Forget. The two are very different. To Forgive and Forget is complete absolution. It is a sign of not only empathy and compassion but trust restored.  The Forgive but Never Forget, is only partial absolution. It says I forgive you for this instance but I do not trust you to never do this is again and I am always watching and waiting.

I think its easy to give total forgiveness initially, but once betrayed, any additional occurrences, begin to compound the effects on your spirit and can lead to the unfortunate partial absolution with ever present doubt.

Betrayal has lasting effects; anger, paranoia, suspicion, and doubt are but a few.  But to carry a grudge takes energy and requires the carrier to also bear the load of constant present pain.

We have all faced situations which require forgiveness, some greater than others, but not one of us escapes this life unscathed.  The key to happiness is finding it in your heart to forgive, in time and when you feel able.  I implore you, PLEASE don't look back in 20 years and find you have been carrying the weight of an unforgiving heart for all that time.  Let it go, find peace within yourself, and move forward.

Personal experience has taught me that forgiveness can sometimes open doors you once thought were closed forever, and there may be blessings hidden behind those doors you never realized.

Peace be with you. Merry Meet and Merry Part and Merry Meet Again.