Uncoordinated.

When I was a little girl and it was time for P.E. Class at school I always found myself overwhelmed with anxiety.  You see, I've know from the start that I am remarkably uncoordinated.  My brain simply doesn't make the connection between thoughts and hands and feet. 

Rather it be kickball, jump-rope, foursquare, or soccer. Relay races, baseball, handball, or volleyball,  I had no coordination.  I was always the last picked for the team and there was good cause for it.  If I were competitive, I wouldn't want me on the team either.  The moans and groans were inevitable and I feigned illness and injury more often than not. 

The teachers must have thought me a sickly child, since I was always in pain or ill from one thing or another.  In the fifth grade, my teachers decided that one of the Physical Education components for the year would be dance.  This was really bad for me.  I finally got my mother to write a note and have me excused for religious reasons.  As if I wasn't already freak enough, this sealed the deal.  I learned to knit that year sitting in the hallway up against the wall next to Shirley Horne, she was from South Africa and an oddity just like me and she was thrilled to have someone to teach. I loved her accent.

As the years went on, middle school came and went and P.E. was the same as grade school. In high school, I found one thing I was o.k. at, Archery.  Archery was easy because it wasn't about my movement but simply my aim. The bow and arrow did all the work.  I enjoyed tennis too, but only because I was passable.

I never did a cartwheel though I was flexible enough to do back flips and handstands and other acts of contortion.

As an adult, I can still do sports requiring target and aim as long as it doesn't rely on my arm to complete the movement. I am a dead eye shot with a gun. Give me a gecko and I can shoot him between the eyes 200 feet away. (true story).

Horseshoes are out of the question unless you have a death wish.  They usually end up the opposite direction of where they should be or off in the trees.  Make sure there aren't any cars, or small children around.  The same goes for Frisbee and Darts,  lord have mercy if you are in the path of one of my wild throws. 

I don't play baseball, even it were on a tee-ball post I would hit the post, not the ball.  And catch it? Are you kidding me?  Football is out of the question, I don't like the idea of being tackled,  it could really hurt.  Trampolines are bad because I always land wrong and end up with a sprain. I'm also afraid of heights and so I won't jump hard enough to really get air.

Bowling is fun, but only because I can laugh at myself.  If your easily embarrassed by others mishaps, you may not want to bowl with me.  I like the bumpers and think of it more as pinball than bowling.  My Ball frequently ends up a few lanes over as it hops the rails and gutters to that one lane that is dark and I have to ask the staff to turn it on so I can get my personalized ball back.  Yes,  you heard me right.  I have my own ball and shoes,  primarily due to my germ phobia, but to see me walk in to a bowling alley, you'd think I knew what I was doing.  Until you saw me throw the first ball.  Then you'd figure it out pretty quick.  I spend a lot of time on my but on the oiled up lanes, trying desperately to pull myself up.  Even with the bumpers, I throw gutter balls.  I know, that takes talent. 

Croquet works, as does Bocce Ball, and miniature golf, but not real golf, because that tee off is asking for trouble.

All of this is to say,  I know I'm not coordinated or athletic. I know that it can be embarrassing to others to play sports with me. And I know that if picking teams,  you should always pick me last and only if you have no option.  My feelings used to be hurt as a child,  but as an adult, I get it.  It makes sense.  I don't mind my lack of athleticism,  I am always able to laugh at myself and know that this is the way God made me.

No one is perfect, but I'm pretty darn close. :) LOL