The Writing on the Wall

I recently read an article about a group of parents in the art community who believe in the encouragement of children in self expressionism and art.

On the surface I was in complete support of this theory.  I have two sons, one is artistically driven and the other is much more academic.  I can see the value and purpose in both and work hard not to distinguish between the two but to embrace and encourage them both in their natural inclinations.

My oldest son is creative, and free spirited. His view of the world is through the eye of an artist and his viewpoint s and choices in life reflect his appreciation of the eclectic beauty in all things.

My youngest son, is driven by logic. He is academic in his approach to all things and he is highly competitive in nature.  This results in a self driven push for excellence in school and life, and he sees the world in more of a black and white pattern.

Both of my children bring balance to each other, and they inspire and challenge one another to see things through alternate perspectives.

I have always encouraged my children to follow their dreams and have provided every avenue possible to ensure they have the opportunities they need to be happy in their chosen life paths.

The article I read was, on the surface, in line with my parenting approach. Then I read further.

The parents in this article believe that promoting and encouraging self expression is part and parcel with free reign. Now I might be paraphrasing, but the gist of the article was that children should be allowed to express themselves with out consequence.  Write on the wall, paint on the walls, speak freely, chose their own style, eat as they like, all without consequence.  All without guidance or interjection or influence. Allow them to develop freely without hindrance, and they will become what they are meant to be. 

As I read the article, I found my jaw on the floor and my blood boiling and I think I even vomited a little in the back of my throat.  I was disgusted. It was apparent that all rules of parenting and child development were thrown out the window as was any parental responsibility or roles.  I saw a community of parents too lazy and disinterested in being parents to complete the task,. They found their own twisted way of justifying their bad parenting and making it sound glamorous.  Most of these parents, buy the pictorials provided, were of extreme wealth and privilege and were probably raised by nanny's or servants and completely absent parents themselves.  The photos showed room in million dollar mansions completely defaced and destroyed by children out of control.

I propose that the concept or theory, though sound in nature, was not functional or appropriate in its execution.  Encourage the artist, by the paints and easels, instructors, and tutors.  But teach them to harness their gifts and apply them productively and with respect for the world and people around them.  We are a society where rules are part of the game, and to teach a child that rules don't matter, is doing them a disservice.

I love both the arts and the academics but I believe that children need limits and rules and age appropriate freedoms of choice.  Allowing a child to develop and grow without guidance is asking and planning for a socially stunted adult. 

If your going to sign up for parenthood, please read the writing on the wall, and know it requires time and effort and engagement. If you simply want to sit back and watch, then rent a movie or go to a park.  Think before you pro-create and don't push the responsibilities on someone else or neglect it all together. Sometimes your going to be the villain and other times the hero, but in the end , its all worth the effort.