Adult Friendship

So... Friendship.
 
I know I wrote about it a while ago, but I was in conversation with two acquaintances yesterday and I have thought about nothing else all day other than ADULT FRIENDSHIPS. Specifically, how friendships change when you become an adult,  where and how we make friends; and, what it takes to maintain those friendships over time.

Other factors that play in to the success or failure of a friendship, include marital status, age, & children. Friendships are forever evolving and morphing. If your a young adult and God forbid if you are the first or the last in your circle to have children, or let's be fair decide to opt out of parenthood altogether, your friends will either follow suit and continue the connection or cut you loose to find new friends. Who you marry affects your friendships, and the status of your relationship or the way you and your partner speak to and treat each other. Your friend circle is going to be totally different depending on where you are in life. Not bad, necessarily - but different in ways you may not even imagine.

Being a friend is just - weird. I don't know how else to say it. It's about being vulnerable but strong, both at the same time. It's opening yourself up to someone else, someone who could very easily say something rude and hurtful and change your outlook on almost everything. It's allowing another person to see the darker side of you. It's overlooking someone else's quirks and failings. It's coming to a realization that you, yourself, are not perfect.

The truth is, I think that we've all been fed a line of monkey poo with regards to friendships. We see friendships as something made of big, white fluffy glittery snowflakes falling from the sky while we ride through the sky on a pink unicorn that farts fluffy cotton candy while I'm wearing my princess tiara and you wear your boa and we never ever disagree. We hold hands and we sing Kumbaya and it's just - perfect.
We see movies and Hallmark cards with friendships that are awesome and amazing and the other person is always there for you. We encourage our children that To make a friend, you have to BE A FRIEND and maybe I'm jaded but I just don't see that in the world. We confuse acquaintances with friends. We confuse coworkers with confidantes. We think neighbors are interested in the inner workings of our minds and get our feelings hurt when someone says, "How're you doing?" - and doesn't stick around to listen to the answer or feign interest. We expect that our relatives are intended to be built in friends, when more often than not we share little to nothing in common with them.
 
There are those people - simple freaks of nature - who seem to be made of teflon and get along with virtually everyone. Rude people, Crabby people, Winners and Losers, they all gravitate to these oddities. Even people that NO ONE else likes. And I wonder - how are there people like that? People who like everyone, and everyone likes them? Do they shut off their senses, their perception filters, that chemical in the brain that helps us to chose Cola A or Cola B?

Don't get me wrong - I do have friends. The ones I have, though, are true friends. Friends I can count on. The type that I know have my back when good AND bad happens. Friendships are WORK. And I'm kind of difficult. So do we let that dissuade us from letting someone in to the innermost sanctum of our very self? I have amazing friends who love me, always. I am fortunate and blessed beyond measure that they accept me through it all, but my circle is small. I like to call it cozy. There is always room for one more, but it takes time and effort.