You really don't want me to answer that question or make that call. How many times Have I seen that sign on the back of the company van, or transport truck, and thought......If I answer that question honestly......You and your hapless brood are homeless because you are out of a job.
That's right....Your driving stinks. You can't change lanes, it's called a blind spot and you are supposed to check it for a reason, maybe you really are blind in which case...why are you driving? There are laws these days about texting and driving, just say no, go hands free or go without.
The little lines painted on the road are meant to help divide the road up evenly so everyone can share the space. You don't get to wander as you please. Those little lights on your tail bumper are accessed through controls on your wheel, they are called turn signals and help to tell the rest of us where you plan to go next. A little heads up is like an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Speed limits are for a reason. Too slow and you are a giant barrier, too fast and you are a menace. You vascilate between the two like teenage girl between boyfriends.
Stop riding my bumper by the way. If you cant see the bottom of my rear wheel tires you are too close. Personal space buddy. While we are on the topic, stop riding your breaks. I understand the need for a safe following distance, but a football field between you and the car in front of you is a whee bit excessive.
The soda cup and fast food garbage you tossed out your window just now is called littering and there are fines for that. Not only should I report you to your employer, but how about the highway patrol?
Did you drink before you got in the drivers seat, because you are weaving all over the place? And your road rage, and attitude needs some serious adjusting. Next time you flip me off, I wont consider your rug rats before I make that call.
In summary....Your Driving is atrocious. I have no idea how you got your license, let alone how this became your career. For my safety and the safety of others, please remove yourself from behind the wheel and take public transit from here on in. At least there, you'll fit in with the rest of the mongrels.
About Me
- Lisa
- I always wanted to write a book but could never focus long enough to make it happen. Maybe this blog will inspire me. Or maybe it can be an outlet for my jumbled thoughts and opinions. You may not always agree with me, but that's o.k. I would love to hear your thoughts anyway.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Is there Sense in Non-sense?
Once upon a time a man awoke on a cold winters day in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania and said
REALLY???? At what point did we lose all sense and pride and determine that a rodent in Pennsylvania could decide our seasons? Granted, its probably more accurate than most of our current network news meteorologists, but that's another story.....
Have you seen our weather lately. We in the northwest barely had a winter in 2014/15 let alone 6 more weeks. It's March and we are already hitting 70 degrees outside? I think the groundhog got it wrong. So what other nonsense are we batting about.
Well, non-sense overwhelms our general intelligence when it comes down to certain long standing superstitions. I want to to say I'm determined to break the rules on every single one of these, but then my "Do I really want to tempt fate" logic kicks in, and I find myself walking around the ladder again instead of under.
Beginners luck, no such thing, it's usually just the excuse given by a disgruntled veteran of the game who just lost to a newbie.
See a penny, pick it up.....do you know how many germs are on that penny? REALLY?! do you think your going to have good luck because you stooped over to pick it up? I truly don't think so. If anything the only luck your going to have in not getting the Ebola virus or malaria......moving on
My Nemesis...Don't walk under a ladder. It's actually very practical. I mean you could stumble and knock someone or something off and it could fall on you. However, that was not the original premise, it had to do with a religious belief about the holy trinity and the ladder and the wall forming a triangle and walking underneath it being blasphemous. I don't think God is on board with one. I'll stick with the safety explanation.
Crossing paths with a black cat is bad luck, well guess what, we have all done it. Black Cats are not evil. They are not ALL witches familiars (OK maybe some , but I'm sure so are some calico, and white, and Siamese and ......others). (jk). Cats are just aristocratic domestic animals who believe they have the right away...so yield.
Some others....Rabbits feet, now that's just cruel; Bad luck comes in threes, so do celebrity deaths; A broken mirror brings 7 of bad luck, luckily this one has a cure like touching a shard to a tombstone (that's right a tombstone) or grinding the shards into dust (try not to breathe that stuff in); There is the biblical fear of 666, however that would mean nobody would have called me at my lst home number (666-0111); Knock on Wood, Cross your fingers, Wish on a wishbone, No umbrellas inside (not even to dry), and of course...Friday the 13th. Did you know the number 13 is considered so unlucky that hotels don't have a 13th floor? They go from 12 to 14. It's true. Stupid.....but true.
There might nuggets of sense in some nonsense, but most of it is just the human need for answers when they cant explain the unknown. Sometimes logic defies, sometimes logic is the most simple answer, and sometimes there is no answer. You stubbed your toe because you walked into the table, not because you crossed paths with a black cat.
"I wonder how much longer this winter is going to last".So he pulled on his long johns, big rubber boots, and after chugging down a jar of moonshine (because the only way someone is going to trust a rodent is if they are drunk), he dug in the hard frozen ground, found a giant rodent, yanked his flea bitten hide up, held him in the sunshine to see if he could see his shadow, and said dagnabbit that's another six week of winter. and Ground hog day was born. True story.
REALLY???? At what point did we lose all sense and pride and determine that a rodent in Pennsylvania could decide our seasons? Granted, its probably more accurate than most of our current network news meteorologists, but that's another story....."Golly Ethyl, I betcha that groundhog can tell us what the weathers gonna be"NON-SENSE
Have you seen our weather lately. We in the northwest barely had a winter in 2014/15 let alone 6 more weeks. It's March and we are already hitting 70 degrees outside? I think the groundhog got it wrong. So what other nonsense are we batting about.
Well, non-sense overwhelms our general intelligence when it comes down to certain long standing superstitions. I want to to say I'm determined to break the rules on every single one of these, but then my "Do I really want to tempt fate" logic kicks in, and I find myself walking around the ladder again instead of under.
Beginners luck, no such thing, it's usually just the excuse given by a disgruntled veteran of the game who just lost to a newbie.
See a penny, pick it up.....do you know how many germs are on that penny? REALLY?! do you think your going to have good luck because you stooped over to pick it up? I truly don't think so. If anything the only luck your going to have in not getting the Ebola virus or malaria......moving on
My Nemesis...Don't walk under a ladder. It's actually very practical. I mean you could stumble and knock someone or something off and it could fall on you. However, that was not the original premise, it had to do with a religious belief about the holy trinity and the ladder and the wall forming a triangle and walking underneath it being blasphemous. I don't think God is on board with one. I'll stick with the safety explanation.
Crossing paths with a black cat is bad luck, well guess what, we have all done it. Black Cats are not evil. They are not ALL witches familiars (OK maybe some , but I'm sure so are some calico, and white, and Siamese and ......others). (jk). Cats are just aristocratic domestic animals who believe they have the right away...so yield.
Some others....Rabbits feet, now that's just cruel; Bad luck comes in threes, so do celebrity deaths; A broken mirror brings 7 of bad luck, luckily this one has a cure like touching a shard to a tombstone (that's right a tombstone) or grinding the shards into dust (try not to breathe that stuff in); There is the biblical fear of 666, however that would mean nobody would have called me at my lst home number (666-0111); Knock on Wood, Cross your fingers, Wish on a wishbone, No umbrellas inside (not even to dry), and of course...Friday the 13th. Did you know the number 13 is considered so unlucky that hotels don't have a 13th floor? They go from 12 to 14. It's true. Stupid.....but true.
There might nuggets of sense in some nonsense, but most of it is just the human need for answers when they cant explain the unknown. Sometimes logic defies, sometimes logic is the most simple answer, and sometimes there is no answer. You stubbed your toe because you walked into the table, not because you crossed paths with a black cat.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
What Can mend a Broken Heart..........
The human heart is an interesting thing. The size of your fist, it sits in your chest guarded in a cage of bone meant to protect it and shield it as it miraculously provides life, blood, oxygen, warmth....the human heart is a miracle and yet as fragile as it is powerful.
It is chambers and valves and arteries, a system that must work together in flawless synchronicity in order to maintain longevity and hope. When one part fails it sets off a chain reaction impacting all the others parts of the system in which every part must assume extra responsibility for the burden of the work no longer supported. Every part of the system becomes stressed and overtaxed and begins to breakdown.
Like any good factory the key is to ensure that all parts are functioning and when one fails, you must find a way to compensate for it or repair it without overwhelming the rest of the team. It's not always easy or even possible.
Sometimes a system breaks and there is nothing you can do to fix it short of a complete overhaul.
The human heart is like this. Both literally and figuratively.
Not only do we face these challenges in real life health crisis', tangible and measurable. But we also face them on an less physical and more emotional level at times.
The emotional broken heart, is actually more in the brain and the mind but it can still cause physical manifestations of pain in the chest. We don't use the term "I love you with all my brain" we say "I love you with all my Heart". The heart is the symbol we have chosen to represent our feelings of affection because it represents our blood line and our life line.. Do you know that the reason you wear a wedding ring on your left third finger (also known as the "ring finger") is because there is a vein in that finger that runs directly to the heart?
Sometimes mending a broken heart is about taking the time to heal, physically and emotionally. It's about focusing all your energies on the positive and envisioning a happy ending. See where you want to be and make it happen. See a healthy happy you and go there. Do whatever is necessary to mend your heart. No holds barred.
Chambers, Valves, Arteries, or invisible fields of overwhelming emotions, identify the issue, and if it's within your power to fix it, take control and make it happen.
Its your life....Live it like you mean it. Only you can Mend Your Broken Heart. You are in Control!
It is chambers and valves and arteries, a system that must work together in flawless synchronicity in order to maintain longevity and hope. When one part fails it sets off a chain reaction impacting all the others parts of the system in which every part must assume extra responsibility for the burden of the work no longer supported. Every part of the system becomes stressed and overtaxed and begins to breakdown.
Like any good factory the key is to ensure that all parts are functioning and when one fails, you must find a way to compensate for it or repair it without overwhelming the rest of the team. It's not always easy or even possible.
Sometimes a system breaks and there is nothing you can do to fix it short of a complete overhaul.
The human heart is like this. Both literally and figuratively.
Not only do we face these challenges in real life health crisis', tangible and measurable. But we also face them on an less physical and more emotional level at times.
The emotional broken heart, is actually more in the brain and the mind but it can still cause physical manifestations of pain in the chest. We don't use the term "I love you with all my brain" we say "I love you with all my Heart". The heart is the symbol we have chosen to represent our feelings of affection because it represents our blood line and our life line.. Do you know that the reason you wear a wedding ring on your left third finger (also known as the "ring finger") is because there is a vein in that finger that runs directly to the heart?
Sometimes mending a broken heart is about taking the time to heal, physically and emotionally. It's about focusing all your energies on the positive and envisioning a happy ending. See where you want to be and make it happen. See a healthy happy you and go there. Do whatever is necessary to mend your heart. No holds barred.
Chambers, Valves, Arteries, or invisible fields of overwhelming emotions, identify the issue, and if it's within your power to fix it, take control and make it happen.
Its your life....Live it like you mean it. Only you can Mend Your Broken Heart. You are in Control!
Fairytale Creature Master Counsel.....
Dear Santa, Tooth-fairy, St. Patrick, Easter Bunny, Sand Man, Mother Nature, Father Time, Jack Frost, and all others who may or may not actually exist and may or may not sit on the Fairy Tale Creature Master Counsel, I have a few complaints to issue with you and hope that you can resolve them quickly.
First up...Santa. I did my part. I believed in you, I kept the spirit of 'Santa' alive. I taught my sons about you. I still make them go to bed before you arrive to fill their stockings. So why am I doing all the damn work. Show up dude. A little gratitude would be great. Throw a girl a bone. I've been doing this a long time, and unlike you, I actually age. I can't always do it all alone. Every once in a while finding something under the tree or in the stockings I didn't buy myself would be a great boost. It would let me know your watching and your pleased with all my hard work. Your welcome by the way.
Tooth-fairy - what is with inflation? Keep it simple. Don't let these entitled kids get greedy on you or they'll cut into my social security senior citizen tooth loss fund. I've been waiting a long time to cash in. Don't give it all away before I get the chance to enjoy my soft food and denture years. It could be a few decades still, my teeth are pretty healthy and I'm counting on you.
St. Patrick - Where is my pot of gold? I'd even settle for silver. I've seen literally hundreds of rainbows and never found it. Is it just another cruel prank by the gingers? At the very least give me the luck I'm supposed to get with a four leaf clover and help me win a pot of gold at the next casino I go to or something. I go out of my way to celebrate you every year and I'm not even Irish. Are you offended at our interpretation of you as a leprechaun? Tell me what to do to make this right so I can get my pot-o-gold. Call me...K?
Easter Bunny - Its been decades since I had an Easter Basket, but a golden egg with a nice cash bonus for each of the boys in their baskets, I can get behind that one. See I can be selfless. I'll leave and extra bundle of carrots for you, organic this year.
As for the rest of you; Mother Nature - good weather please; Father Time - slow it down just a bit; Sand Man - some solid sleep is always a good gift; and Jack Frost - what the hell happened to our Northwest winter 2014/15. Next year you'd better do your job or we might have to fire you.
Enough said. I know being at the same job day in and day out year after year can sometimes cause apathy. If things don't improve we might try some job sharing strategies. Cross training and swapping of roles might be just what each of you need to sharpen your senses and rejuvenate your enthusiasm. Santa might look good in the tooth fairy costume?
Last warning.
First up...Santa. I did my part. I believed in you, I kept the spirit of 'Santa' alive. I taught my sons about you. I still make them go to bed before you arrive to fill their stockings. So why am I doing all the damn work. Show up dude. A little gratitude would be great. Throw a girl a bone. I've been doing this a long time, and unlike you, I actually age. I can't always do it all alone. Every once in a while finding something under the tree or in the stockings I didn't buy myself would be a great boost. It would let me know your watching and your pleased with all my hard work. Your welcome by the way.
Tooth-fairy - what is with inflation? Keep it simple. Don't let these entitled kids get greedy on you or they'll cut into my social security senior citizen tooth loss fund. I've been waiting a long time to cash in. Don't give it all away before I get the chance to enjoy my soft food and denture years. It could be a few decades still, my teeth are pretty healthy and I'm counting on you.
St. Patrick - Where is my pot of gold? I'd even settle for silver. I've seen literally hundreds of rainbows and never found it. Is it just another cruel prank by the gingers? At the very least give me the luck I'm supposed to get with a four leaf clover and help me win a pot of gold at the next casino I go to or something. I go out of my way to celebrate you every year and I'm not even Irish. Are you offended at our interpretation of you as a leprechaun? Tell me what to do to make this right so I can get my pot-o-gold. Call me...K?
Easter Bunny - Its been decades since I had an Easter Basket, but a golden egg with a nice cash bonus for each of the boys in their baskets, I can get behind that one. See I can be selfless. I'll leave and extra bundle of carrots for you, organic this year.
As for the rest of you; Mother Nature - good weather please; Father Time - slow it down just a bit; Sand Man - some solid sleep is always a good gift; and Jack Frost - what the hell happened to our Northwest winter 2014/15. Next year you'd better do your job or we might have to fire you.
Enough said. I know being at the same job day in and day out year after year can sometimes cause apathy. If things don't improve we might try some job sharing strategies. Cross training and swapping of roles might be just what each of you need to sharpen your senses and rejuvenate your enthusiasm. Santa might look good in the tooth fairy costume?
Last warning.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
No Shirt, No Shoes, No.......Just pull your pants up
I genuinely hoped the age of gangsta pants was over. Hasn't it run it's course yet? I know trends rise and fall....isn't it time for this one to go back into the vault, never to be seen again.....I pray......please....to all the powers that be and the universe in general?!?!
I love seeing young men wearing pants that fit them. Or at least wearing a belt and trying to keep them up if their still in that awkward limbo stage where their too skinny for their height and have no butt or body fat to speak of. For a while everywhere I looked as I drove through the neighborhoods and streets of our fair cities were teenagers and young adults with saggy pants showing off their boxers and briefs with pride....or was that stupidity? It was as if they were purchasing size 42 jeans for the men they planned to become someday when their lazy devil may care attitudes finally found them looking at 300 lb reflections in the mirror. And then suddenly one day, I thought the fad was over, but it seems to be making a resurgence.
A smart consumer choice I suppose. Economical to buy pants you can wear at any weight, just set a style trend...right? But this particular trend is really offensive. No not like bell bottoms or leg warmers or even big 80's hair, this style choice triggers the desire in me to pull my car over and throat punch somebody. I have an overwhelming urge to put a boot in someones hiney hole and smack them hard against the forehead and say "As if". I mean honestly, how fast can they really run with their pants around their ankles?
Perhaps a good zap with my stun gun will spark some brain cells back to life and they will remember that appearances DO matter.
I'm going to start driving around with my car windows down and simply yell through a bull horn "Pull up your pants". Maybe that will help? A little social conscience never hurt anyone...right?
Oh, and by the way, put a shirt on, wash your damn hair, take a shower, and use deodorant. You smell like the butt crack of humanity.
New style trend....starting today....pants that fit, belts, and good hygiene. America is supposed to be the land of opportunity, it's time we started to look the part.
I love seeing young men wearing pants that fit them. Or at least wearing a belt and trying to keep them up if their still in that awkward limbo stage where their too skinny for their height and have no butt or body fat to speak of. For a while everywhere I looked as I drove through the neighborhoods and streets of our fair cities were teenagers and young adults with saggy pants showing off their boxers and briefs with pride....or was that stupidity? It was as if they were purchasing size 42 jeans for the men they planned to become someday when their lazy devil may care attitudes finally found them looking at 300 lb reflections in the mirror. And then suddenly one day, I thought the fad was over, but it seems to be making a resurgence.
A smart consumer choice I suppose. Economical to buy pants you can wear at any weight, just set a style trend...right? But this particular trend is really offensive. No not like bell bottoms or leg warmers or even big 80's hair, this style choice triggers the desire in me to pull my car over and throat punch somebody. I have an overwhelming urge to put a boot in someones hiney hole and smack them hard against the forehead and say "As if". I mean honestly, how fast can they really run with their pants around their ankles?
Perhaps a good zap with my stun gun will spark some brain cells back to life and they will remember that appearances DO matter.
I'm going to start driving around with my car windows down and simply yell through a bull horn "Pull up your pants". Maybe that will help? A little social conscience never hurt anyone...right?
Oh, and by the way, put a shirt on, wash your damn hair, take a shower, and use deodorant. You smell like the butt crack of humanity.
New style trend....starting today....pants that fit, belts, and good hygiene. America is supposed to be the land of opportunity, it's time we started to look the part.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Putting the Past Behind You....
Is it REALLY possible to put the past behind us. To wake up and pretend that all the bad things that have come before simply no longer exists? Is it possible to wipe the slate and move forward never to revisit old wounds or pains left unresolved. Would you even consider such an offer with all the wonderful things in your life? Probably not.
Is it possible that Time truly does heal all wounds, or does it merely put enough distance between us and them to help build an invisible patch of numbness and apathy?
If you address pain, face it, confront it and resolve it then you find closure and moving on becomes natural. You can find a peace and comfort that allows you moments absent of ache, and those moments begin to span greater and greater distance and time. You gain an understanding that life has a purpose, grander even than our small grasp and understanding, but we have to go with it.
However, to allow the pretense of second or third or multiples of parties, that wrong was never done, is to pretend that specific pockets in time never existed. Every choice we make, every action we take has consequences both positive and negative, and life is about facing those consequences. Accepting them and allowing them to teach us and mold us and guide us into who and what we will become. Life is a never ending journey of learning. The day we stop learning, is the day we die.
To make or accept an offer of putting the past behind us and pretending it never happened, never to speak of it again, is to live in denial and to fail at life's basic premise. To Learn.
Does it make me a cold and heartless human being that I may not be willing to gift someone their desire for the past to be put behind us, never to be spoken of again. It seems the cowards way out to me. A way not to face ones own choices and the consequences thereof. My own principles scream against the mockery this makes of our mortal mission to learn and grow, and yet my compassion says just give them this one. I can pretend....but the truth is, the past will always be there even if I don't speak of it. I can forgive, but I will never forget, and trust cannot be earned by someone unwilling to face and accept their choices.
You can't undo what has already been done. You can't unsay what has already been said. Time can't be reversed, you can't make right what you want to pretend never happened.
The only true way to put the past behind you is to turn your back and walk away or.......... to face it, deal with it, accept and acknowledge it, and then move forward. Two real choices, that's all there are. Pretending is not on the list.
Is it possible that Time truly does heal all wounds, or does it merely put enough distance between us and them to help build an invisible patch of numbness and apathy?
If you address pain, face it, confront it and resolve it then you find closure and moving on becomes natural. You can find a peace and comfort that allows you moments absent of ache, and those moments begin to span greater and greater distance and time. You gain an understanding that life has a purpose, grander even than our small grasp and understanding, but we have to go with it.
However, to allow the pretense of second or third or multiples of parties, that wrong was never done, is to pretend that specific pockets in time never existed. Every choice we make, every action we take has consequences both positive and negative, and life is about facing those consequences. Accepting them and allowing them to teach us and mold us and guide us into who and what we will become. Life is a never ending journey of learning. The day we stop learning, is the day we die.
To make or accept an offer of putting the past behind us and pretending it never happened, never to speak of it again, is to live in denial and to fail at life's basic premise. To Learn.
Does it make me a cold and heartless human being that I may not be willing to gift someone their desire for the past to be put behind us, never to be spoken of again. It seems the cowards way out to me. A way not to face ones own choices and the consequences thereof. My own principles scream against the mockery this makes of our mortal mission to learn and grow, and yet my compassion says just give them this one. I can pretend....but the truth is, the past will always be there even if I don't speak of it. I can forgive, but I will never forget, and trust cannot be earned by someone unwilling to face and accept their choices.
You can't undo what has already been done. You can't unsay what has already been said. Time can't be reversed, you can't make right what you want to pretend never happened.
The only true way to put the past behind you is to turn your back and walk away or.......... to face it, deal with it, accept and acknowledge it, and then move forward. Two real choices, that's all there are. Pretending is not on the list.
Monday, March 9, 2015
The Best......
Sometimes the best moments in life are the simplest. They come as easy as breathing. O.k. maybe not the best analogy but you understand what I'm saying...right. Sometimes happiness comes from just.......being in the moment. Your sons sent you texts that said " thanks mom" and "I love you". The stranger at the grocery store complimented your ensemble today. The love of your life brought you flowers, for no reason and for every reason, just because. You read the best book, and it had a GREAT ending. Your pro-times test came in at a good range today. Spring came early and the daffodils and crocus are already in bloom.
Sometimes the best moments are an afternoon spent playing scrabble, or some other board game. Maybe an evening spent watching a comedy and laughing together. Sometimes the best moments are about sharing a homemade favorite meal, or dining out at a new chinese restaurant and actually liking it.
Sometimes its curling up in your pajamas under a warm blanket with mans best friend curled up on your lap, around your shoulders, next to your hip, and across your feet (because I have 4 of them), while the house is empty and they are your companions for the evening.
Sometimes the best moments in life are unpredictable excitement, and sometimes they are silent reverie, no fanfare, no hoopla, just quiet, beautiful and magical all on their own.
Sometimes, the best moments in life, are just about.....well.........Life.
Sometimes the best moments are an afternoon spent playing scrabble, or some other board game. Maybe an evening spent watching a comedy and laughing together. Sometimes the best moments are about sharing a homemade favorite meal, or dining out at a new chinese restaurant and actually liking it.
Sometimes its curling up in your pajamas under a warm blanket with mans best friend curled up on your lap, around your shoulders, next to your hip, and across your feet (because I have 4 of them), while the house is empty and they are your companions for the evening.
Sometimes the best moments in life are unpredictable excitement, and sometimes they are silent reverie, no fanfare, no hoopla, just quiet, beautiful and magical all on their own.
Sometimes, the best moments in life, are just about.....well.........Life.
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