A Mom is ALWAYS a Mom...No matter what

Mothers Day is a week from Sunday and I have been thinking a lot lately about what the word Mom means.

We all see and interpret the role differently. There are commonalities that tie us all together in this crazy universal club, but it is our unique differences that make the role both challenging and rewarding all in the same breath.  

Not every woman will become a mom. For some it simply isn't a calling they feel drawn to, and I have mad respect for those who recognize this and avoid trying to force the square peg into the round hole. For others it is a passionate need they yearn for, but nature has its own ideas and they are never given the opportunity to fulfill their desire. Advances in medical science and fertility have helped with this, but its not always an answer and the cost can be prohibitive.

For the majority of women, who are moms, it just happens.  Sometimes by surprise, sometimes well planned, sometimes early in  life, sometimes later. But no matter how it begins, life changes when it happens.

So what is being a mom?  Well....that is THE proverbial can of worms, and a loaded pistol of a question, the short and easiest answer being.....its a lot of everything, both different and the same for all of us.

When they are little, being a mom, is 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.   It is an everyday, every minute job that requires dedication and commitment.  The funny thing about this period is, that this time with this fully reliant dependent being, that you are caring for, and guiding, and teaching, and nurturing....THIS is the easy part...as demanding and time consuming as it is.....This time of growing and learning is the easy stuff. It is as close to textbook as your going to get in your journey, with answers and guidance at every turn.  As tired as you are, the hard stuff comes later when answers are no longer clear and this wonderful person you are teaching to be an independent and strong willed individual with confidence and opinions, becomes his/her own person.

Infancy and toddler-hood, though exhausting, are fun.  Everyday is a day of discovery, but childhood is awesome too.  Being Mom to a kid who has grown into someone who can express thoughts and ask questions, understands logic and the art of negotiation, can be a blast. You can carry on conversations with them. Sometimes you are challenged and you learn through their eyes. They are eager to grow and learn but they still need you.  This is fun.  You still sleep lightly, ready to jump should they wake in the middle of the night, but you are more rested and active and Mom is a role you feel REALLY comfortable in. You don't know it yet,  but the hard stuff is just around the corner, and its painful and mucky, and there are no textbook answers to guide you through. But just like infancy, toddler-hood, and childhood, its a stage. I promise you there is light on the other side. For now, your having fun and Mom just feels right, so roll with it. 

The teen years and the transition to adult hood are SOOOOOOOOOO hard. There are times you just want to cry, throw in the towel, and say I surrender, I can't do this. No matter how great of a kid you have, THIS is the hard part.  They are convinced that they have earned their independence. You are the enemy, trying to hold them back, micro managing every detail of their life.  They see you as a woman unwilling to let them grow up, treating them like a child, getting in the way of what they want to do and where they want to be. Your still Mom, but Mom might as well be a four letter word right now. Some days they like you, especially when they need or want something...a ride, new shoes, money....but most days its not so much. They argue every detail. Those inquisitive conversations you used to share are now debates.  If you say the sky is blue, they will argue the astronomical view of it being black but altered by the radiation of the light from the sun to make it appear blue.  You try to guide them through school, and they bark at you like a rottweiler baring their teeth, not to hover...they've got this covered....they don't need your help managing it...until you get that progress report and you realize......they don't have it under control.

The teen years are tough because they pull away....and you know in your heart they are not fully ready yet, like a cake baking that is still batter in the middle...... There are days you ache, because you love them, and want to see them succeed and excel in life.  You KNOW they have the potential for greatness, and yet....sometimes.....you have to let them fall.  It sucks! You cry silently in secret. You take the hate, because you know underneath it all, there is love. You have good days, days that make you smile and make you proud, but you have really hard days too. THIS is when you realize, how easy those two hours feedings and diapers really were.

But this too passes, and in the end, suddenly a whole person emerges. An adult who is strong and resilient. Who struggles, but triumphs. An adult who remembers who you are and how much you mean to them. You are MOM. You have been there, without fail, through the good and the bad, and whatever lies ahead they KNOW they can count on you to ALWAYS lift them up and love them. You are the one constant that never changed, and they know it, and they love you for it.

MOM has its stages. Each is important, critical to the end result. Mom is a life long journey, from the cradle to the grave. And for those who choose it.....who really want it....and find it not just a fantasy but an eyes wide open ready to roll reality.........Its worth it! The good, the bad, the ugly. Its worth it! I have one newly baptized in adulthood, and one still in the muck of transition, but its worth every tear, every smile, every hug, and every sleepless night. I am Mom, I will always be Mom, and Its a life well lived and full of joy.