Closure..Seeking And Finding Peace Within

Have you ever spent time struggling against a force that feels a thousand times larger than you, knowing you can't win, but you can't give up either?

The odds of achieving what you truly believe you want are insurmountable, but you beat your fists against the wall until your knuckles are broken and bloody and yet....you still can't concede. To concede is to fail, and you don't allow or accept failure for yourself. So you regroup, bandage your wounds and try again. and once again you fall down.

Some of us, (me especially) are stubborn. We don't quit easily, and we don't walk away from a fight without giving it everything we have. It's in our nature to want to win, to succeed, to overcome. And so we torture ourselves endlessly it seems, to no avail. And then one day......

We realize, that what we think we wanted all along, wasn't real. It was never ours to have. Some things are never meant to be, and the only way to win is to recognize the difference and let go.

For years I thought I wanted to be part of something I never had, I was always on the outside looking in, and I thought I wanted in. I was wrong. I was meant to be free on the outside. Free to be me. Free to chose my family and my friends by following my heart strings not my blood lines. Free to appreciate the life I have earned with great honor and pride, and free from rejection and judgement of others.

In letting go over the course of the last 12 months, piece by piece, I have embraced the joy all around me, and learned that I am loved deeper and by more people than I could have ever dreamed. I have shed the child within seeking approval and ratification, and I have found a calm that washes over me and allows me to sit with myself and know contentment.

Those who would reject me, know nothing of the person I am, and those who would judge me, need only to look at themselves firstly before looking at others. I have no desire to reach out again, now or in the future. Some things are meant to be and others are not. If our fates should shift and intertwine once again someday, it will not be I who bleeds for the chance to open doors.

Today, I have closure. I sought and found peace, and I have no regrets and no sorry's to say.