Life in Technicolor and High Definition

Let’s face it, life is meant to be a never ending learning curve, full of challenges and growth opportunities.  If, as a kid, you went to the carnival and loved the roller coaster, then you are inherently designed at the core, to face life. The truth is, that life is one giant roller coaster, but in the end, when it’s time to get off the ride, you are invigorated and proud and oh so glad you did it, or at least you should hope to be.

Most people who know me today didn’t know me 10 years ago. I am a different woman today than I was then and they would never recognize me. Today, I am optimistic, strong, independent, ferociously protective and loyal, and I value every minute that goes by. I am little Ms. Eternal Silver Lining.  It can be an annoyance, I know really really annoying, but I’ve also seen it in action and it can be very uplifting and inspirational when necessary. I like this about myself, but at the same time I struggle with it.  Does it make me disconnected and out of touch with reality?

Back to my original thought…  I have in another lifetime, lived in the black and white and shades of grey world.  Sadly, for long extended periods. No, not the “shades of gray” found in today’s highly entertaining and erotic best seller, but shades of grey as in life by the numbers. No color, no bright moments, no flavor, it is dull and dreary like the cinematic equivalent of the great depression, which is ironic, because it IS depression.  It’s not a pleasant place to be, physically or emotionally. It is in fact torturous but you’re so numb you don’t realize the pain you’re in. This existence is just that, EXISTENCE. But existing is not living.  We all get there, even little Ms. Silver Lining has spent exhaustive weeks and months at time visiting this shadowed place, but the key is breaking free, waking up and living again.  Open your eyes and your heart to the world around you.  Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to feel, to touch, to breathe again, deep cleansing life giving breaths, and as you take in that oxygen of life, the colors will flood through.  

Life in black and white is o.k., I’m not condemning it, it’s safe, and you feel no pain, and sometimes you need that place to heal and hide, this is simply cautionary, just don’t get lost in it. Because, you see,  life in Technicolor, though risky and sometimes painful is also full of joy and creativity and beauty. 

Wine Tasting - Never say Nasty

Apparently its not good form when tasting wine, to spit and say "Nasty" and then, while channeling Tom Hanks in the movie Big, to grab a napkin and begin wiping ones tongue while declaring how awful the taste was and declaring "it burns, it burns".  Okay, so maybe a little exaggerated, buts it what was in my head and the "Nasty" actually happened.  The poor man who was serving us had an expression of complete disgust and shock, and I could tell he couldn't wait for us leave. I guess I had deeply offended him though that was not my intention,  I just wanted the burning in my throat to stop and to get the nasty taste out of my mouth. :)

Perhaps I should have read my Wine for Dummies book before going to the upscale winery which specialized in "Dry Red Wines".  My taste are not mature enough yet for some of the more extreme and complicated vintages and though I am learning fast, I should have known by the stuffy diction and bow tie and precisely styled comb over, that his sense of humor was not open to my style of critique.   While we were found the scenario amusing and were laughing our hiney's off as we drove away, he was no doubt busily disinfecting the glass I had used, convinced it was never coming clean again.

It may be best if I stick with the dessert wines and more novice friendly wineries for a bit.  Maybe next time I'll wear one of my hats and speak with a British accent while spitting more lady like and saying things like "its a bit dryer than I prefer" and "the tannins are very noticeable".  I'll make note of a few wine phrases and keep them in my pocket in case I get another "Nasty" wine.

Life is Short

I lost an Aunt today and it made me think, Life is short.  I remember Aunt Pat from my childhood, and though it’s been many years since I last saw her, I remember a kind woman, who had an infectious laugh and a very warm and comforting spirit.  We weren’t close to Aunt Pat and Uncle Ed, they lived a few hours away and tensions about family between my parents were always high.  But the few times a year we did see them were nice. I saw Aunt Pat again in my early 20’s when I lived in the San Diego area. I was new to the neighborhood and she took me furniture shopping. It was a lovely day, and I will never forget her kindness.

Life is short. I don’t think she expected to go so soon and so quickly.  I was talking with her daughter Dawn and she mentioned that only weeks before she found out she was sick with cancer, Aunt Pat was questioning rather or not Ed and her children still needed her. I hope she knew that they will always need her, even if only her beautiful spirit. That she will be with them, in their hearts always.  It’s a mother thing.

Life is so very short. We may think we have it all figured out, and sometimes it may feel like we’ve been living forever, but in the grand scheme of things, no matter your belief system, this mortal life we live, is but a blink on the radar screen of existence and time.  Use it wisely. Live like there is no tomorrow, Love until your heart burst, Laugh at the little things, and never forget that you ALWAYS mean something to someone and they will miss you when you are gone.

May your spirit soar high and may you feel joy and love forever Aunt Pat.

Typical morning thought process…..

1.Is that the alarm? Crap, maybe if I just pretend I don’t hear it,  Jeff will let me sleep

2.What day is it? Ah, I really should get up, I have to go to work. But I have 2 minutes, 2 glorious minutes.

3. Is that the alarm? Crap, I only closed my eyes for 2 minutes, Why did Jeff let me sleep, he should have woke me up.

4. Where are my other tennis shoes?  No not those,  the other ones? Ahh there they are.

5. Why do I have 300 pairs of socks, I only have 1 pair feet?  I’ll wear the argyles. Have you seen my argyles? I know I have 300 other pairs, but I want the grey and black argyles, they match my blouse. Maybe that’s why I have so many, they match things. NO, I can’t wear the pink argyles they are Easter socks and this is September, o.k. maybe, yah I’ll just wear the pink ones.

6. I hate jeans fresh from the laundry, the waste is always too snug? Stretch it out.

7. My jeans are to snug I don’t want to bend over to put my socks and shoes on,  where are my tom-toms? I found one but I can’t find the other one, oh there it is right where I found the first one.

8. Have you seen my purse, I can’t find my purse. Oh thanks,  it’s on the floor by the chair where I left it in plain sight.  What would I do without Jeff?

9. Have you seen my keys? I can’t find my keys? Oh thanks, they are on the key hook where they should have been. I’m so used to leaving them in my purse I couldn’t find them. What would I do without Jeff?

10. How about my phone? Plugged into the charger, well THAT makes sense.

11. Why is the ground wet, oh my gosh, did it rain? Well duh, how else did the entire ground get wet. Stupid question. 

12. I hate bra’s, whoever invented them did it as a torture device to women. I can’t wait to get home and take this thing off. I should have worn socks and tennis shoes, my feet are cold.

And I haven’t even left the driveway yet…... 

Side Splitting Laughter

Did you ever have a silly moment when you just laughed so hard you couldn't stop? You can't catch your breath, and your sides ache? It brings tears to your eyes that roll down your cheeks but your not sad, your smiling? You can't stop yourself and if your lucky, you might even pee your pants. That's a good laugh.  A laugh that makes you fall off your seat and fills you up. I love it when my face hurts from smiling.

I hope you have had that moment of pure unadulterated silliness, because it makes the days without folly so very worth it. Sometimes we get so lost in being adults we forget that what keeps us young and vibrant is laughter. I try to have these moments often.

I know its childish, and even sometimes unprofessional, but sometimes I just have to release the silly. I spend my life being responsible me, carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, so if I indulge in a little goofy to find my center, then just laugh with me.  Don't judge me because you "don't get it", I am not "immature"...trust me I am VERY mature. For once, unbutton your stuffy collar, let go of your inhibitions, forget all the rules that say be serious, and just try to let go, let the laughter grab you and take you where IT wants to go.  I'm lucky enough to have friends who expect the unexpected and allow me to be rambunctious and crazy,  in a non hallucinogenic way of course. And at home, well I just let it all hang out. Did you know that as a mom to two sons I have learned to embrace the humor in bodily functions.  Gross right?  But yes..in measure....burps and farts can be funny.

You may never know exactly what to expect from me on any given day, but you can be certain chances are high you're going to get a big smile and maybe some laughter out of it. Consider yourself entertained, and join in.

Whats the last thing that made you laugh? 

Self-Awareness and Acceptance

"When we stop judging the person we think we are, guilt will go and serenity will stay." This couldn’t say it better. I don’t know the source but I had lunch the other day with a friend of mine who practices Buddhism and I love that she is full of these little tidbits of wisdom.  That’s not to say that Buddhism has all the answers, or any religion for that matter. I think they all have bits and pieces of wisdom that can be found applicable to our lives depending on the circumstances and timing. 

It’s about self-awareness and acceptance. If you live long enough to look back on your life, you realize we all make mistakes. Don’t let your mistakes define who you are or determine who you will be. Life is about free will and sometimes we take detours along the path. Some are positive and lead to amazing discoveries, love, family, and just genuine laughter. Others are distractions and have a temporary negative impact that takes time to work your way through. But the time it takes to fight through the brambles and thorns is worth it if you chose. Each choice we make shapes us, determines who we are today.  I know I’ve made mistakes, some really big whoppers (I know this may be shock to many of you..NOT), but in the end, I have found wisdom and peace.  I know who I am and where I am, and I’m content. I stopped judging myself long ago, and realized I’m only human.  I can be a brat, but I can also be hilarious and loyal. We have to stop beating ourselves up for the past. If we keep punishing ourselves for things we can’t undo, then we miss out on the awesomeness that’s all around us every day.

Life is crazy, embrace it, and make the most of it.  Just forgive yourself and those around you. We are all in the same boat in the same storm on the same sea doing our best. The key is in not repeating the same mistakes over and over again, because that’s just stupid.

Welcome to my Blog

This is my first foray into the world of blogging and I am actually very excited.  Not because I think I have anything to say that’s going to change the world, but because it will be nice to get all these voices out of my head.  The random chaos that sidetracks me from sanity.  Some might say I am obsessive compulsive, some might say I am opinionated, some might think me odd, but I think even the oddities can be insightful.  A little grain of sand can shift an entire ocean. Today I woke up wondering where the hours between when I went to bed and when my alarm went off had disappeared to. I swear I just closed my eyes for a minute.  The news this morning is all about the presidential race, and though I have my own feelings about the issues at hand, I won’t make this a political soapbox.  I will simply say, listen to your heart and follow your instincts.  This is how I live my life and it has served me well as a woman, as a mother, as a person.   They say Fall starts this weekend and I’m glad,  I love the fall colors and smells of pumpkin spice and fireplaces, not the garbage in the fireplace my neighbor sometimes burns, mind you, but wood and pine cones.    Speaking of pumpkin spice, Starbucks has their pumpkin spice latte back on the menu and you can color me happy.  I’m wondering as I start this journey of sharing my mind and the therapy it is, how do you end a daily blog?  Is it with some quip like Ron Burgundy, a personal tag line, or is it with some insightful summary and wisdom like the narrator in Grey’s Anatomy or Desperate Housewives?  Maybe there is no closing line? I just end my thoughts abruptly like falling asleep in the middle of a conversation?  Maybe I just play it by ear, keep you guessing, change it up and do whatever makes “sense” in the world of “My Two Sense Worth”.