Would you like Cheese with your Whine?

Have you ever known that person who incessantly whines about everything? They are never content to simply live in the moment but instead they take every opportunity to complain about everything and nothing. The weather, their age, their job, their family, their friends, their health, blah blah blah, and on and on and on.

You know the type. Its the person who can turn our skies from clear to cloudy in minutes simply by opening their mouth. Every time they open their mouth a complaint comes tumbling out.

It’s one thing when kids whine incessantly. With kids, no one hesitates to say, “Stop whining! Your driving me crazy.” Like teaching a toddler not to bite, sometimes you have to bite back, just to demonstrate the annoyance. Have you ever found yourself talking back to your children in the whining voice they use simply to give them an idea of what they sound like and just how obnoxious it is? Now, imagine doing that to  your friend, or coworker, or sibling, or spouse? Probably not. As effective as it might be, it is much more likely that it would backfire, and you would find yourself in a very uncomfortable place.

Why is it that when the person doing the whining is an adult, suddenly we get all socially verklempt and, for fear of insulting them or damaging our relationship with that person, we keep our mouths shut. We are aching, bursting at the seams to speak up and say “Stop whining! Your driving me crazy.”, but because we are so conditioned to want to be good listeners,  to be supportive, we simply feign interest and pretend to care. The truth is, sometimes being supportive means being honest.

As it turns out, maybe the whiners are wishing we would tell them to, in so many words, “shut up.”

“Whining, as defined by experts—the therapists, spouses, co-workers and others who have to listen to it—is chronic complaining, a pattern of negative communication. It brings down the mood of everyone within earshot. It can hold whiners back at work and keep them stuck in a problem, rather than working to identify a solution. It can be toxic to relationships.”

I can't stand whiners, and I genuinely have no patience for them. We all have ups and downs, things that take us by surprise and occasionally rock our world, or rather more accurately make our world a little rocky. But its the whiner who complains about the same issue, 20 different ways, 20 different times, and NEVER takes any steps to move beyond it. Some things we can change, some things we can't.  If it's in your power, then FIX IT.  If it's not, then accept it and embrace it, and make the most of it. We all get older, so stop complaining about it. Your not doing something magnanimous, worthy of great accolades, because you have chosen to diet or exercise.Millions of people do it EVERY Day and they don't jump up and down crying, "look at me, look at me". If it makes you happy, cheers for you, it it doesn't, then stop whining about how much effort it takes, and move on. Whiners are not inspirational, they are irritating. Hearing how miserable someone is in their struggle to reach a certain weight or certain exercise goal, does not inspire others to follow their regimen.

Live life, a day at a time.  Enjoy the moment, tackle the challenges, revel in the glories, & count each day as a gift. Life is to short rather you are 20, 40, 60, or 80.  If you complain more than once about the same innate topic, you are likely to get a sarcastic response from me, or simply no response at all. Its not that I lack compassion or empathy, but it's more about respect for people who stand up and face life with a can do attitude.  I've never been an alcoholic, but the Serenity prayer has some meaning here.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

How do you deal with mature chronic whiners? Do you ever worry you complain too much?