One Two..Buckle Your Shoe..Three Four....

Counting!  I am a counter, but not in the way that most people count.  I use it as a tool to sooth my anxiety, or to slow my compulsive brain functions down. I use Counting as a way to quiet all the white noise the world around me creates on occasion.

When I was a child I was taught to count beginning with sing song rhymes.  One Two..Buckle You Shoe..Three Four..Shut the door: The ants went marching 1-by-1 hoorah hoorah: One Potato..Two Potato..Three Potato..Four.  Counting is ingrained in us from the very beginning. We count days, weeks, years. We count minutes and hours on the clock. We count how old we are. Everything we do is measured by counting.  So....I count.

Depending on my stress levels and how I am handling all of lifes rewards and challenges, I count. Sometimes my counting is more extreme than others, and sometimes it is manageable. It's a ritual of coping, a ritual of sanity for me.

When I am alone, I count my steps. I try to measure them between city blocks to a uniform number. I try to always end on either an even number or a number divisible by 5. I sometimes count my words in my head and when I am under a high amount of stress I measure my words to equal sentences. When things are really bad I count the syllables. I know it sounds like it might be time to get the padded cell ready, but I haven't done this in years, although when I did it helped.

I sometimes count my noodles when I have pasta and my vegetables when I have vegetables. I only eat an even number and always leave the odd behind. Whenever I eat colored candies I always separate them by color and eat them in order from smallest to largest in quantity.  I always count how many times I chew my food and always chew it exactly 24 times before swallowing.

I enjoy watching other people sometimes and counting how many times they repeat certain words or repetitive actions.

Some of my more normal counting includes the seconds between Thunder and Lightning. I have an unnatural powerful fear of thunder even though its the lightning that holds the threat (I actually find lightning fascinatingly beautiful), and counting helps soothe me. I actually do count sheep, or stars, or whatever, before I sleep until I fall asleep without ever realizing it.  I count the corners in strange places so that I feel more comfortable.

Most of my counting is unnoticeable. I don't stop traffic to count how many times the white stick man blinks as I cross the intersection, I do it in my head and without a ticker tape parade. Most people would never know I count unless they witness me from a distance when I am alone and they can see my lips moving ever so faintly. Its the one time I actually count semi-aloud. It keeps me company. :)

We count from the time we are born until the time we die. For some its a little more consuming than others. I don't let in hinder my daily life or social interactions, and as time goes on I find it easier to relax and even skip the ritual sometimes.  Some people run, some people write, everyone has their method of coping with lifes ups and downs.

I count.