Thoughts on Parenting........................

I have been a single mom, for the past 10 years and majority of my sons lives. Before that I fulfilled nearly the same responsibilities as a single mom even before I divorced my ex-husband, because the truth is, he was never engaged in the day to day parenting of our children. I have not been perfect. In fact I make some whopping mistakes, but what parent doesn't?  Through it all, I have found three steps I think parents can take to ensure their children remain confident and empowered, in spite of our flaws.  These  work for all kids rather they come from a two parent or one parent home. They are simply critical points for raising our children, to be happy emotionally competent adults.

1. Recognize Failures as Opportunities To Learn. As adults, we should teach our children that mistakes are an acceptable part of life and that they provide the greatest opportunity to learn. Mistakes are a key ingredient of success. Children should be encouraged to take appropriate risks even if they flounder because mistakes are opportunities to improve, not signs of incompetence. The problem is that many well intentioned parents, in an effort to protect their kids,either intervene to avert mistakes or encourage their children to head in a different direction once a mistake is already made. They never learn to strengthen their abilities and confidence. After all, the ability to persevere in the face of a mistake is a great confidence booster for children. The truth is, mistakes define the event and not the person. It's not coincidence that the fine print of every stock advertisement states that past performance is not a predictor of future performance. Parents should instill this same sort of thinking with their children allowing them the freedom to move forward, strengthening their abilities and build their confidence without stifling their development.

2. Encourage Individuality. Too often, parents, teachers and other adults crave structure and order so much that they fail to recognize the uniqueness of each child and discourage their individuality. Successful kids, however, are often kids who understand their unique strengths and who are willing to step outside their comfort zone and challenge the status quo. They have minimal fear that their choice or decision is the most popular one. They listen to their own heart and they follow their beliefs, beliefs most often instilled by us, their parents.  It’s very easy for parents and other adult caretakers to stifle this individuality because the independent minded children may be difficult as youngsters, but tempered with guidance and an understanding of respect for others, they can still be individuals unafraid of standing alone. We can nurture them to be free thinking, and yet still to respect societies rules. Empowering them with the courage to stand up and fight for change if truly necessary.  Our job as parents, is to harness this individuality and channel it to create successful adults who have absolute comfort in who they are and their abilities. It is also our job to preserve their individuality and to fight for it even if other adults find it troublesome. As parents, we should always focus on our child’s unique strengths and successes and praise their talent and make them aware of their own worth.

3. Foster problem solving skills. As parents, we want to minimize any hurt or disappointment that our children may endure so we often interfere with their ability to fight their own battles. What we need to realize is that if our children do not learn to deal with their own problems when they are younger, then they won’t develop the problem solving skills or the confidence necessary to deal with tougher issues that may arise later in life. Allowing children to stand on their own and fight their own battles, fosters problem solving skills that can build confidence in a way that nothing else can. This one might be a little easier if they have siblings, because as much as we feel the need to referee, sometimes we simply don't have the energy. Step in when necessary, but give them room to resolve their conflicts on their own. Talk to them later about how they handled things, offer alternative solutions, and scenarios, but praise them for their ability and success in finding a solution on their own.