Taking a Page from Monty Python....

"....Run away, run away...." (search for the Holy Grail).

I am an avoidier. I avoid situations that make me uncomfortable. I don't like drama or confrontation and I detest feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.  It's not often I find myself in these circumstances or situations because I am careful to avoid them.

My personal time is precious to me and I elect to spend it doing things and with people who make me smile. I don't like hypocrisy or false platitudes and  I don't enjoy wearing a mask and pretending to be something or someone I am not. I will not feign interest in things I have no desire to know about or do, and I will not smile, nod, and simply agree with beliefs or  opinions that I am diametrically opposed to. Don't get me wrong, I am open minded and intrigued by other view points, but I will only participate in conversations that are two sided and open to counter points and questions. I will not have beliefs dictated to me, or be told what to do or say.

I refuse to be judged by others who are no better than myself, which lets be honest is everyone. We are all flawed. We are all weak. We have all made monumental mistakes in life, but we are all worthy of respect and kindness and forgiveness. I will not kiss the ring of others who see themselves as better than I.  In my eyes, we are all equal.

I don't handle rejection well. Who does? I consider myself to be a really good person, pleasant to be around, funny, intelligent, kind and honest. If people chose not to like me, or want to know me, then that is their loss. I like who I am, and so do others. I will not accept judgements against me, especially by those who know nothing about me. You might be an acquaintance in nature, but unless you have spent time with me, genuine time, and truly made the effort to know me, then you know nothing. Your opinion means nothing. You can create little stories in your head and amongst your friends about my life and things I have purportedly done, but they are just that, stories. Unfounded and strewn together by bits and pieces of a truth or falsehood  you know nothing of and have not taken the time to ask about.

For those who take the time and effort to ask, I always tell the truth. I have nothing to hide. I am an open book. I am neither demon nor saint, I am simply human. I am not ashamed or embarrassed by my choices or actions in life. Every step has been an opportunity to learn and grow and I am a better person for it. If the only knowledge you have of me is from others, even those you consider trusted resources, then you are a fool. Even trusted resources can lie and deceive when protecting their own interests and agenda.

I wrote a few days ago about no longer banging my head against a concrete wall, and I feel liberated and free having acknowledged that I surrender. I am no longer interested in seeking the approval or acceptance of anyone who would chose to unilaterally dismiss me with prejudice based on falsehoods created by others. If your acceptance of a relationship with me can  be swayed by extrapolation and exaggeration, imagination and outright lies and conjecture, without independently seeking knowledge of your own, by your own experience and interaction, then you are a sheep, not a leader.

Personally, I never judge anyone for their past actions or relationships. I do not place stock in stories I've heard which are always influenced and embellished by the story teller from their perspective with imagined details inserted. I chose to get to know the people in my life on their own accord, by their actions as directly related to and affecting me firsthand. There are two sides to every story and what happened between you and another, is not directly related to what may happen between you and I. When I open my heart and door to you as a person I am interested in knowing, it is with a clean slate. Yours and mine to create together. What happened yesterday, or last week, or last year, or in another lifetime, has no meaning. I take you at face value today, and as long as we respect each other, even if we are different, I accept you.

Though my life is full. I always have room for more, but on equal terms. I will not beg to be a part of your world if you are not interested in being a part of mine. Love me or leave me alone. Like me or hate me. Accept me or reject me. But know, I am worthy, I am wonderful, and I am welcoming.

Here are three core elements of me to get your inquisitive nature kick started:

• I have been married and divorced twice. The first very young ended after just two years when I discovered he was actually gay...long story; the second ended after 13 years together primarily because I was no longer broken from the first...it's also an interesting story. I presently live with a man I have been with for nearly 7 years. We have known each other since I was 17, dated once way back then, kissed once way back then, and we have both come to the conclusion that through all life brought our individual ways, through our encounters since we first met all those years ago, we were fated to be together in the right time and place which is now. We bring out the best in each other. We live, we love, we laugh.
• I have not been a nun but I have not been promiscuous either. I hold great respect for intimacy and have always seen it as a doorway to greater and more meaningful communication. I would never be frivolous or careless with an act intended to have such high value and purpose. I would never barter it for trade, or benefit, or use it as a weapon. I follow my heart, not my libido.
• Religion and the path I have taken to enlightenment has been a challenge. I have a strong system of core beliefs, but the details get murky for me. I think religion is very personal and individual and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. I am continually learning and investigating. I expect that this will be a lifelong adventure. I am inquisitive by nature, and I seek logical answers.

Ask me anything, take the time to know me, you won't be disappointed. :) Please don't assume you know me until you've taken the time to have a few meaningful conversations with me.What's the catch you say???... you have to be willing to share as well.

You want have to coffee, tea, breakfast, lunch, dinner, drinks, dessert.....just call or e-mail. My schedule is always always flexible, when and where?  You don't have to come to me, or I to you, we can meet in the middle.

Priorities....All in Order

As I start the new year, I realize most people see it as a time to make resolutions. I don't do resolutions , I think they are silly promises we make to ourselves which are short lived and reach too far.  I instead elect to review and assess my priorities and ensure they are in order.  Because I believe in my priorities, I rarely find the need to adjust them although the details of what each means changes as time goes on and as I make adjustments for additional priorities if necessary.

These are my current priorities and I am confident in saying they are in order as they appear on my list. Agree or disagree, each has it place for a reason and I am confidant that they are where they should be.

1. My Children
2. My relationship
3. My Job
4. My Health
5. My Home
6. My Pets
7. My Friends

1. My Children - They are and always will be my number 1 priority. No matter their age or their circumstances, I will always hold them and the happiness they deserve  as high on my list. As they get older and more independent, I have less and less influence over this, but I will remain prepared at any moment to respond to their needs should they ask. 

2. My Relationship - This is high on my list because as my role in life changes my chosen partner will become the person I spend most of my time with. It is important that we communicate and laugh together. That we respect and honor each other and that we remember those things we love most about each  other.It is important that we never take each other for granted.

3. My Job - This is another high priority, but I am cautious to keep it in order because my children and my relationship are and always will be more important.  However, my job is valuable, and the ethic and dedication I devote to it are critical. Success is reliant on my professional reputation and reliability. My job pays the bills and ensures that my private personal time is more fulfilling because I can afford to enjoy myself.

4. My Health - As we age our health becomes more of an issue. For some its easier than others, but the key no matter where you are is in knowing your body. Acknowledge your limitations and needs and apply logical and intuitive care. Be smart, and remember to listen to your body and what it is telling you.

5. My Home - I love a clean and organized home. I think it is conducive to a relaxing atmosphere and comfortable place to unwind and rejuvenate.  My home is in order and I work hard to never have to apologize for its state.  There is little need for the words "please excuse the mess" to cross my lips and I am proud of that.  I live modestly, but neatly, nothing extravagant or fancy, but comfortable and easy.

6. My Pets - My Pets rate on my priorities because when I accepted the responsibility for them I accepted the obligation to care for them. They rely on me to care for them, to comfort them, to make their short lives worthwhile and fulfilling. I love my pets, and my heart aches when they are sick or sad and smiles when they are happy.

7. My Friends - My friends are in my top priorities because they complete me. They love me unconditionally. They know me better than most of family, and they know and appreciate the woman I am today and understand the errors we all make along the way to becoming who we are. They accept me at all times. My Friends are warm and funny, serious and silly, honest and trustworthy and they are the very best part of me and all the parts of me I wish I could be.

Dolls - Creepy or Cute?

As I walked through a store the other day, finishing up some Christmas shopping, I found myself in the toy aisles with all the dolls. I confess, I felt a little exposed, and tiny bit creeped out.  With all those eyes on me, and those unnatural smiles, it felt eery and uncomfortable, like maybe I was a character in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

As a little girl I had my favorite doll, but I never really thought about the eyes. There's something about the eyes that freak me out.

Brandon was recollecting the other day about a time out room in our house when he was little which was filled with Anne Geddes Dolls. We collected them because like many collectibles we expected them to have value in time. In the end, I bagged them all up and donated them to the Goodwill. I just couldn't take the creepiness of having them in the house anymore and without my ex-husbands fascination with collectibles and their potential but never reliable value, I simply purged. 

What is it about dolls that makes us think they are the proper toy for little girls? Is it the traditional need to direct their development as nurturers and caregivers? Are they supposed to care for the dolls as little mommy's and then grow into good mommy's someday? Has this changed with the evolution of the working woman and women who now elect to forgo motherhood?

There are crying dolls, eating dolls, dolls that talk, dolls that wet themselves. There are dolls filled with with sand, or jell, or water which are meant to move and feel like real babies. There are dolls made to look like the little girls they belong to. There are premature dolls, cancer dolls, dolls who are mechanical and dolls who are not.

There seems to be a different need, intent, and purpose for every doll out there, and yet I find them simply creepy and uncomfortable. Its the eyes, always the eyes, and the mouths.

They remind me of something from a nightmare or a horror film. I don't know, even if I have granddaughter someday, that I would ever buy a doll for her.

Perhaps, I am overreacting, overly sensitive, but I'm sure there are other who would agree with me.

While were on the topic, clowns, alive or toy, provide me with the same creep factor.

So Pennywise or Talking Tina, either way, I'm out. And I think I'll avoid that aisle in the future.

A time for Reflection

As the new year approaches and the holiday season wanes yet again, I find myself this morning in a sea of reflection.

As I consider all the joys and pains of 2012, I realize, this is life. This IS what life is all about. Joy and Pain. Happy and Sad. Win and Lose. Forward but NEVER backward.

2012 was a year of triumphs and losses for me. But overall I will see it come to a close on a note I would call Winning.

After a tumultuous and heavily packed year of lessons and learning in 2010 an 2011, 2012 was a chance to breath at last.

My year started off with a spectacular bang as in January I saw my Wyatt return home, not for simply a visit, but to stay. I felt whole for the first time in two years. I found family relationships deepened and taking root, as with my oldest brother Rodney. I also explored and developed connections of genuine love and interest with cousins not seen for years. Brian, Samantha, Kit, and Steven. My cousin Dawn, grew to be very important and more of a sister to me, as the year progressed. Dawn had been there for me when I struggled with Wyatt's choice to live with his dad in 2010 and then when he actually left in 2011 after a costly and arduous court battle. But our relationship as not just cousins but sisters, really started building momentum in 2012.  

My relationship with my mother continued to grow as the year progressed, and we found ourselves able to talk about things more important than the weather. I reconnected in limited ways but with promise with my other two brothers and my oldest sister. My employment situation became more secure with my acceptance of a contract position at The Oregonian which has grown into something more secure and long term.  My relationship with Jeff continues to make us both smile and laugh and allows us the freedom to be ourselves.

As a person, I think I've grown this year.  I've learned to trust my instincts more than ever before, about people, but also about my own health and body. I've learned this year, that sometimes I expect too much and I need to learn to simply take a breath and accept things for what they are and be content with that which I can not change. I have to stop beating my head against the concrete walls. I've found a greater capacity for forgiveness than I ever thought possible, my well runs deep. I have recognized my ability to find the joy in everything as it happens. I am learning that I don't have to control every element of the day in my life or those around me.

I continue to struggle with patience,and tolerance. I embrace that these are my weaknesses and that every victory will be hard fought but worthy of celebration.

I have experienced sadness through the loss of my cousin Dawn, and the hope that relationship carried with it. For the first time in years I dreamed of family bonds within reach for holidays and special times shared, and her sudden absence created a temporary vacuum in my heart. But I know her struggles were many and I know that she is at peace and at last whole again.

My home life seems at peace, and full. I am blessed with continued bonds and friendships which bring me joy and smiles every day. Gina, Melanie, and Alan, and new friends, Darlene, Debi, and Rustie.

I end this year feeling my best, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and I begin 2013 with trust and dedication to always learning, always growing, never giving up.

Would I do That?....Probably not.

A few weeks, on my way into the office, I saw a man hanging in a harness off the side of a high rise in downtown Portland near Pioneer Square.  He was hanging the white twinkling lights we all love to see during the holidays along the eaves and around the Clock tower.  A respectable job for certain, and one which brings light and joy to passers-by. Its one of those elements of the holiday spirit that we all enjoy and never stop to think about. We forget there is a person who risks life and limb to provide us with a smile.

I say life and limb, and you might think I am over exaggerating, but let me assure you I am not. You see this man, was not just hanging in his harness, stable and moving along side to side as he hung the pretty white twinkling lights, but something had gone amiss! Terribly wrong, because this man was swinging like a pendulum in a grandfather clock on crack, back and forth, side to side, forward and back. It appeared that one of the cables had snapped or kinked, or something, but it was terrifying to watch, and I would assume, even more terrifying to experience.   I assume they rescued him without injury to body because I didn't see anything about the incident in the news or read anything about in the newspaper (and I work for the newspaper).

I find myself thinking about this man, and wondering if he came to work the next day, or decided that it was just too much. Was his brush with death a wake up call? And then I think about jobs I simply could not physically or mentally bring myself to do. I don't mean the kind of jobs that you just don't want to do, but instead I am referring to the jobs that you KNOW are simply an impossibility in your realm of capable.

I'll start with the obvious:

1. I could not do any job which requires me to hang off the side of a building or from any high structure with simply a harness or bucket or scaffold to support me. This includes window washers, billboard pasting, painting, construction, bridge maintenance, mountain goat herding, rappelling down cliffs or Spelunking in caves to retrieve geological samples, elevator shaft maintenance, etc. You get the gist, dangling from a high elevation no matter the contraption, it simply isn't going to happen without serious and unsanitary repercussions if you get my drift.
2.  Sewer maintenance, or any profession that deals with waste products of any kind. With my sense of smell and that overactive gag reflex I wrote about once in an earlier blog, this job or any like it, are truly an impossibility. Even the thought of the smells that emanate from the sewer, septic tanks, bad plumbing, trash cans, compost bins, etc., they all trigger a serious case of the retches simply in my imagination. I would die from esophageal erosion due to the mere amount of stomach acid that would pass through my gullet repeatedly many many times a day. It would be a short career indeed.
3. I also would not be able to do anything that requires me to crawl through, or spend extended time in a tight space. No tunnels, mines, or capsules. Nothing underwater, or where I feel like my movement is limited and confined. No masks because they make feel like I am being suffocated. Though I am fascinated by the idea of submarines, pyramids, and space travel, none would suit me well, because the enclosed space would drive me to the edge of insanity.

In summary, jobs I could not do include; anything dealing with heights minus 4 walls; anything dealing with bad smells or grossology; and anything dealing with confined space and movement resulting in severe and intense claustrophobic panic. Additionally nothing athletic, or that requires coordination or precise hand movement. I don't do pictures of me, so anything in the entertainment or media industry that would require face time, is out. Though I wouldn't mind being behind the scenes. :)

I'm sure there are all kinds of mainstream and obscure careers out there that simply would not suit me. Not because I'm picky, but because I don't have the psychology to do them.

Swinging like a rag doll from a high rise while hanging Christmas lights, is a definite non career option for me.

A Day Like any Other...Take 2 ...A Retraction

Today is December 21st, 2012, and all those maniacal lunatics running about scampering to either hide or cause mayhem depending on their own personal brand of psychosis, were wrong. The world didn't come to a cataclysmic end. There were no meteors hurtling through space to take us out like a bocce ball knocks its opponent off the court. There was no melting of the earths core, or black hole, or spinning off our axis, or any thing to note. The sun rose, just as it has every day for millions, dare I say billions of years, and the world continues, humans with all our flaws and all. As a very wise and trusted friend recently said to me, "...Why would we trust the Mayans to predict the end of the world when they couldn't even predict the end of their own civilization?"

Yesterday I gave you an accounting of how I spent my morning, but since the world didn't end,  I feel its only fair to clear up a few things.

First, I did wake up, after hitting the snooze a few times, but there was no opera unless you count me singing along with Rachel Barry on my GLEE Christmas 2011 CD in my car on the way to work. Man I love the "Last Christmas" song.

I did not enjoy a delightful volcanic ash and seaweed wrap or a fresh dose of Botox to make certain my smile held steady all day, but instead washed my face with Noxzema. Who needs Botox (did you know that auto correct wants to make this BUTT OX) anyway? I smile all day without it, because you see, I love my life and am a generally happy person naturally.

I would never take a vigorous 5 mile run averaging 4 minutes a mile, although my drive to work is 7.4 miles and I'm pretty sure the leg of it known as the Burnside/Couch couplet frequently takes about 4 minutes to go a single mile.  Somehow that's not as impressive in a car as on foot.

I really did enjoy a nice cup of oolong tea, which the sales girl at Teavana informed me was indeed picked by monkeys. Its a good selling point which I guess sort of justifies the price per ounce which rivals commodities like gold, silver, and platinum.

I'm not fond of the whole Monk thing, with the vow of silence and those heavy robes?  Do they  wear anything under there?  Are they pleading the fifth so as not to incriminate themselves in something dastardly?

The only Mountain I crest in the mornings is Mt. Tabor and its up and over in my car.

I think people who become ordained priest, ministers, monks, etc. on-line are just silly.  And earning a black belt would require skill, coordination, and athleticism, which we have already established in previous blogs, I have none of. I would probably end up kicking my own ass, which although impressive to watch, I'm pretty sure wouldn't be the goal.

The truth in yesterdays blog was and always will be, the hug I give to Jeff when I say goodbye each morning and the waking of Wyatt. However, I would never stop to aide and abed the criminals posing as homeless people on our corners and on-ramps as they dupe trusting and naive people out of their hard earned money. And by the way, if your stupid enough to smoke around a gas pump, you probably deserve to blow yourself to smithereens, thus making the Mayan prediction for you personally, true I suppose.

I really would have rescued a bear and her two cubs if given the opportunity. And saving any species from extinction should be a concern of all of us.  I will never win a Pulitzer prize for anything I write, that's just silly.

I have long suspected that the cure for cancer is in a lab somewhere, but because curing cancer would hurt the profits and dig deep into the pockets of the medical and pharmaceutical industry masters who make billions in profits every year off the drugs they sell and the treatments they peddle to fight it, I don't suspect we will ever see said cure.

As for the fiscal crisis, we are still on the cliff and the partisanship bickering in our nations capital isn't helping. Perhaps if they stopped spending $10,000 to change a light bulb, or $150,000 on a new toilet, or stopped sending aide to third world countries who would sooner turn on us than thank us, we might be able to make some progress in fixing things. How about putting that aide, and all that funding into helping American citizens right here at home, within our own boarders? I know its too logical and not politically acceptable, but I am a working mother of two sons, and I tend to think more logical. 

O.k......so I feel better....they say the truth will set you free. I wasn't so worried about it when the end of the world was looming...But since today came after all, I figure honesty is best. So same as yesterday, here is the honesty... Continue to wake up, drink your coffee, go to work, eat your meals, laugh with your children, love your spouse, watch your favorite TV shows, read a good book, take a nap.......do what ever you always do. Because guess what? Tomorrow, just as it did today and yesterday,  the sun will rise , the earth will continue spinning on its axis, and so it will the next day and the day after that......Live your life just like always, but never stop trying to do it well. Do it better, because you know it matters!  You may not have the answers to solve the worlds crisis, but every thing you do makes a difference and means something to someone.

A Day like any other.......

Today is December 20th, 2012, and if you ask any of the maniacal lunatics running about scampering to either hide or cause mayhem depending on their own personal brand of psychosis, today is the last day our lives, for tomorrow the world ends.

How am I spending my last day.....well pretty much like any other...because you see I'm awesome and spend every day as if it is my last.

I woke up this morning and sang an operatic Ave Maria in honor of the holiday season. I followed that with a delightful volcanic ash and seaweed wrap and a fresh dose of botox to make certain my smile held steady all day. I had a vigorous 5 mile run averaging 4 minutes a mile, and joined my Sherpa monk friends on a hike to the peak of Mt. Kilimanjaro. We had a nice cup of Oolong tea picked by the monkey we adopted and trained  as we scaled the mountain, and we talked about the meaning of life (or rather I talked and they nodded and ahemed so as not to break their vow of silence). When I got home from my hike and my run, I went on-line and became an ordained priest for the New Age Church of Light, I finished earning my black belt in mixed martial arts, and then I took a shower and got ready for work. After giving Jeff a hug goodbye for the day and making sure Wyatt was awake for school, I headed out. On my way into work I saw a homeless man on the street corner. I noticed his sign was a little shabby, so I made him a new one with correct spelling and diction and gave him a 5 spot to kick his day off in the right direction. I stopped at the gas station to get fuel and noticed another customer smoking a cigarette near the pump, so I used my new acquired black belt ninja like moves to take his cigarette, snub it out, and through my psychic abilities to show people the potential consequences of their actions, I was able to help him break his nicotine habit for life. I rescued a bear and her two cubs, and a saved the narwhal species from becoming just another mythical creature of extinction on my way into the office. I won a Pulitzer prize for a blog I wrote, and I found the cure for cancer.  I then participated in a conference call with The White House and I balanced the fiscal budget for the President. Good news people, we found an error in the accounting. You can all rest easy knowing we are now debt free as a country and the President is thinking of giving us all a year off from taxes because we are actually in the green. The nice thing is I did all that before 8:00 a.m. Its too bad none of it will matter after tomorrow.  I can only imagine what the rest of my day holds.

O.k......so maybe I stretched the truth a little....but the point is, today is a day like any other....Wake up, drink your coffee, go to work, eat your meals, laugh with your children, love your spouse, watch your favorite TV shows, read a good book, take a nap.......do what ever you always do. Because guess what? Tomorrow the sun will rise , the earth will continue spinning on its axis, and so will the next day and the day after that......Live your life just like always, but never stop trying to do it well.  You may not be the next Madame Curie, but every thing you do makes a difference and means something to someone.

Life is like a Box of Chocolates

It came to me this week as we received a big box of Sees in the office and opened it for everyone to share.


“My momma always said, Life was like a box of chocolates. You, never know what your gonna get.”
This is one of the most memorable quotes from the hit movie Forrest Gump. I had never thought about life like that before, but how true it is!

When I was a little girl, my dad always received boxes of chocolate and bottles of Whiskey from his co-workers. He loved Chocolate covered cherry cordials and could easily have eaten them all by himself, but he shared. The most surprising boxes of all though were the assortments. As he shared his box of chocolates with me,  I would gaze wide-eyed at the large assortment, wondering what was inside each one of those tiny chocolate-covered surprises. Daddy sometimes cheated, drilling holes in the underside of ones he wasn't sure about and putting those he didn't like back in the box seemingly untouched. :)  As for me, I loved the surprise of not knowing what I was going to get. My favorites were the toffee and the caramel, and like a kid at Christmas I would hope to get what I wanted. Of coarse I was terribly disappointed if I didn’t!


Life is like a box of chocolates, loaded with surprises, some delightful and some downright disagreeable. The yummy ones, of course, are easy to swallow, but the yucky ones are sometimes hard to stomach.
Those yucky ones, however, determine our depth of character. If life were all good, and your faith was never challenged, where would you be. It’s the bad times that test our faith and cause us to mature as we learn to and grow through everything we endure.

Life is a mystery. Tomorrow is a new day and no one knows, exactly, what will happen next. Each box of chocolates is different, and there is no way of knowing what is in each chocolate until bitten into (unless you hand pick each one or have one of those cheat sheets, but where is the fun in that). Therefore, like a box of chocolates, life is just a mystery that we come to comprehend as we bite into each new day.  

Silent Night..Holy Night

Right about that time everyone is boxing up the leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner, a switch in me flips, and I find myself craving, yearning for, seeking out, Christmas music.

Some of the music is very traditional, the carols we all grew up with... and some of it is more modern, today's pop stars and artists providing their renditions of holiday cheer through melodious tunes.

Some of the songs are very upbeat and energetic. Some are about Santa and his reindeer, and some are about the true meaning of Christmas, Christ birth and the journey of that night.

This weekend as I watched the news about the tragedy in Newtown and they were airing the vigils which were taking place, I was struck by the poignant sound of Silent Night..Holy Night, which was being sung as people honored the innocent victims of a mad mans actions. And I could feel in every fiber of my soul the meaning and the power of the words and the tune. I have heard, and sung this carol my entire life, but never have the words, "...Sleep in heavenly peace...sleep in heavenly peace..." ever had more power or meaning.

So I thought about other carols that I loved as a child which seem to be fading away. Today's world focuses so heavily on the commercial and whimsical sides of Christmas, that the only place you find the meaningful carols of the Christmas story are in church. Hark the Herald, Away in a Manger, Angels we Have Heard on High, God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen, Joy to World, O' Come all Ye Faithful, O' Holy Night, The First Noel, and What Child is This.  All beautiful, artfully written and powerful in their ability to recognize and demonstrate the true meaning of Christmas.

I find myself this season, aching for the traditional religious music. I am drawn to artists I would not typically listen to otherwise, Michael Buble', Celine Dion, but I also have those which hit a chord with me from childhood, Johnny Mathis, and Bing Crosby.

With Christmas only 8 days away, I plan this year to spend each day remembering and praying for peace and comfort in the hearts of each parent along the way who has lost a child, unexpectedly, senselessly or otherwise, and hoping that as they remember the birth of Jesus Christ, and the reason for this holiday, that they find hope and love knowing that those we've loved and lost are in heaven with heavenly father and his son. God himself knows what its like to lose a child, but reassures us that a reunion awaits us all.

I don't lean heavily toward the religious these days, I have my reasons. But this week I find my roots, which seem to be more deeply grounded than I realize on a typical day to day basis, pulling tightly on my heart and spirit.

May each of you find everlasting joy this season. Joy to the World and God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen.

Great Expectations

I have great expectations in life, for myself and my children. I am not willing to settle for mere mediocrity. I want to live my life to the fullest, being the BEST I can be, and I want my children to do the same. Being JUST ENOUGH, is not good enough. Settling for simply getting by, isn't living, it's existing for the sake of doing so.

People who live their lives simply to get to the next day, are a drain. They are a drain on resources, and energy, and air.  If you are not going to appreciate the miracle and honor of the life you have been given, and you find yourself at the point of quitting, then step off, and make room for someone who will. However, in the process of bowing out, which you should do gracefully but we all know you won't, please don't take any other casualties with you. Although if you have lived your life so lacking of enthusiasm and so devoid of emotion and gratitude, then I expect that the chances of you caring one iota about others is slim, but please try.

As for myself, I chose to live life full of great expectations. I Chose to not lose hope and to never stop pursuing the very best of my potential. I chose to believe that tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, hold great joy and happiness. I know I have dues to pay along the way, tolls to tally as I make the journey. I embrace that the challenges I encounter are there to teach me, to help me, to guide me.  And I chose to love the life I have, the people in it, the places in it, and to never take it for granted to to settle for mere vanilla.

I work to inspire and encourage my children to have dreams and to work hard to achieve their goals. I want my children to have great expectations for themselves, never to settle for mediocrity but to accept that along they way, it takes hard work, dedication and patience.  I want them to know that the things they accomplish in life come with time and effort. Greatness is achieved in baby steps, one stone at time. They will build their futures one opportunity, one victory, one happy day each step, with minor detours. Sometimes they will stumble or even fall down, but they will get back up and keep going. I hope my children learn from their experiences and benefit from my wisdom, and that they appreciate each day, what a gift they have been given. This Life.

I have great expectations, its true, but I also have unlimited love and understanding and forgiveness. My heart know no bounds and smiles with each joyous moment, cries with each skinned knee, and remains steadfast through each hill climb.

Holiday Traditions

The holidays are in full swing and as much as I lament their rapid approach every year, once they arrive I remember how much I love them. Starting with Fall and Halloween all the way through New Years.

We all have special things we do that become part of the woven fabric of our celebrations.  I thought I would share a few with you.

Halloween - is naturally the springboard for every thing to come. Traditons have changed over the years as the boys grow out of one thing and into the next, but things that never change include

• Decorations - we decorate the front yard every year. Some of our decoration have been with us for a long time, some are newer, some exhaust the course of their lifetime and get replaced, but trahter new or old, we always decorate. 
• Pumpkin Carving - every member of the household does a pumpkin every year and we have made it a tradition to get our pumpkins straight off the vine.
• Corn maze - This too has become a tradition, and rain or shine, not a year goes by without it. There is certain to be comedy involved when I participate.

Thanksgiving - And the countdown to Christmas begins. We have a few traditions here, but we are flexible to expanind them and frequently change things up, however slightly, no two years are exactly alike:

• Pumkin Pies - are always homemade. I tried short cutting it one year and going Sara Lee, It didn't work. Back to the homemade. We also tried spray whip cream one year, but it too didn't fly, back to the cool whip. :)
• We always share three things we are grateful for and no two people can repeat the same.
• We don't do yams or cranberry sauce in our house, but reserve the right to respectfully decline if you offer it at yours. :)

Christmas - Oh Christmas. So many traditions, where to begin.

• Everything begins the Weekend after Thanksgiving.
• Beginning December 1st through the 25th, we watch a Christmas movie together every evening as a family.
• Fresh cut tree - always - and since moving to the northwest, we mean truly "Fresh Cut" we trudge through the forest (or tree farm), pick our tree, cut our tree and carry our tree back to Jeff's truck.
• Santa Tree topper, homemade tree skirt (20 years old), genuine lead tinsel, wreath on the door, lights in the yard and on the house.
•  We buy a new Santa decoration/ornament/representation EVERY year in honor of my dad who played Santa for many years at the school district and for his grandchildren.
• One New ornament EVERY year for each member of the family (future daughter-in-laws and grandchildren will be included).
• Pajamas for everyone, on Christmas Eve, under the tree. This is the ONLY present opened on Christmas eve and they must be worn for opening presents and Stockings Christmas morning.
• Christmas Morning, everyone must wait and together we go into the living room. Stockings First. Then presents. Then Breakfast. 
• Christmas Afternoon - we all go to a movie together.
• Day after Christmas - the tree and decorations come down and are packed away until next year.

Other Traditions, I thought might fall by the wayside but the boys love them and so they continue:

• Easter baskets and Egg hunt on Easter Sunday.
• Fourth of July Fireworks stands - though we admittedly purchase significantly less than we did upon first arriving in the Northwest (wow we used to go overboard). 
• Homemade birthday cakes
• Corned beef for St. Patrick's Day

I love that we have traditions to pass on to the next generation. Things my children have embraced and which are so much a part of their holiday celebrations, that they just seem natural.

What are your traditons? Are they similar to mine, or completely unique to you?

Happy Holidays,

Senseless

What must break inside a 22 year old mans head, seemingly well balanced and capable, that drives him to take an automatic weapon, suit up, and drive to the local mall where 10,000 people are working and shopping for the Christmas Season, and open fire?

It's tragic and unfathomable. I can't imagine what happens inside the mind, that would trigger such a heartless and horrific act of cruelty and cowardice.

Clackamas Town Center was just one of many such recent events. And in every case, rather it be this one, or the Colorado movie theater, or the many different high school and college campuses, there is a common thread. People who knew the shooter always say the same thing. There is a consistent response of shock, "He always seemed like such a nice guy", or "I never imagined he could do something like this".  But there is also frequently the common thread of "he seemed a little off lately" or "he sold all of his belongings recently".

Is there a solution? Is there a precursor event or action that would predict such behaviors definitively and allow us to prevent them.  If only science fiction and TV and movies were real. Wouldn't it be lovely to  have a machine like in the TV show Person of Interest that predicts a murder before it happens and allows it to be prevented. Or Tom Cruise in Minority Report where oracles see crimes before they happen and the crime is prevented. There are fallacies to such theories and ideas, innocent until proven guilty, intent vs action, the role of free will and the ability to chose a different path right up until the last moment. But hypothetically, wouldn't it be worth the trade off if we could prevent tragedies like the one this week?

I think it is important to acknowledge that the tragedy of these events is not limited to the victims themselves, though my heart and prayers are with them and their families. But the tragedy touches the lives of all 10,000 people at the mall that day. The terror of the event, the post traumatic stress of it, the nightmares and memories, stay with each person in their own way. Some will move on easily. Others will be haunted by the sounds and sights and fear they felt, for days and weeks and years to come. Some will develop phobias of public places. The tragedy is with every person touched by it that day and exponentially grows as it spider webs out to their family and friends. 

I understand we can't live in a bubble and protect ourselves or our children from the senseless actions of others. But as I watch these events unfold on TV sometimes, I find my own phobias and compulsive fears and disorders become magnified, temporarily, and then they calm again.  How do we make sense of the senseless? We don't. Sometimes life takes us by surprise and we simply have to remember, to breath, to keep living, to never take a moment for granted.

I heard on the news, as they interviewed the woman who sat with one of the victims the other day as she lay dying in the middle of the mall, she assured the victims family that the victim died with dignity and that she was not alone. The heroes that rise to the challenge are many, and the gift this bystander gave to a dying woman and her family was priceless. Never to be forgotten.

Will I go to a mall this Christmas? Yes I will. If for no other reason than to reclaim the power back which that lone, sad, and desperately broken, cowardly man in his moment of rampage and violence tried to steal from all of us.

I will always wonder though, what happens inside the mind of a seemingly sane person, that drives them to such terrorizing and horrific behavior?

Please don't Breed

Have you ever been driving down the street, or on on a walk in the park, or having lunch with your girlfriends, when out of the corner of your eye you someone, and your first thought, is "Oh dear lord, please don't let that one breed!"

I know it sounds cruel, but some people just shouldn't even consider procreation.  I know it sounds like a joke, but even in humor there is some grain of truth.

Is stupid genetic? Oh dear lord, help us all if it is. Because there is a LOT of stupid out there.  Stupid is the pedestrian who crosses the busy street in the middle of the road, when there is a crosswalk 25 feet up the way. Too lazy to go to the light? Please go into the light, seriously. Stupid and Lazy is a bad combination. And it doesn't help matters when she proceeds to yell at the cars and throw things because she almost got hit. Next time, I won't miss.Please don't breed.

Is crazy genetic? Heaven help us if it is. We might become one giant insane asylum living within our own borders. So much crazy out there, it simply must be genetic.  Crazy is the guy wearing his parka as he crosses the Broadway Bridge completely oblivious to the fact that he forgot his pants this morning and his tighty whitey underpants (which are not so tight or white) are exposed. At least his has his boots and socks on. Crazy is the woman standing in the doorway at the local Mercy Corps offices first thing in the morning, yelling at the door (no one is in the office yet) about how it ruined her life and has no mercy for her. She is cursing and hitting and kicking the door, and all I can think is how lucky she is that that door can't hit her back, because if it were me I'd knock her on her backside. Crazy can be an illness, and I'm sympathetic to those afflicted. But sometimes crazy is self induced with alcohol and drugs and poor choices and a total lack of self awareness and self control. Please don't breed.

I think sometimes that as military and un-diplomatic as it sounds, that if psychological testing could be done before people are allowed to become parents, the resulting societal changes would be an improvement. We would see less violence, addiction, homelessness, etc. If children could be born to mentally sound,well adjusted parents, instead of born as a tool to increase someones monthly welfare income, then we would see an improvement in the quality of life within our world. I know it's extreme, and the repercussions from actions to prevent unauthorized breeding would be deplorable and unacceptable. I get the reality that such measures would be deemed inhumane. But wouldn't it be lovely to reduce the world population, the drain on natural resources, and the burden of caring for stupid, lazy, or crazy, by limiting the potential for its existence.

Gifts from the Heart.

Have you ever received a gift from someone and when you opened it,  though you put on a brave and gracious smile and beamed an enthusiastic thank you, you were really thinking, WHY?! The gift is not something that reflects you, or the givers understanding of you in any way. Perhaps they don't know or understand you? The gift is so out of character for you that you are left wondering if the name tags got switched or something. You are ever the diplomat and so you show appreciation and gratitude, but in the recesses of your mind, your spirits are dampened and you are wondering when are you EVER going to utilize this present and how much will it sell for at the next garage sale.  Can you return it? Then you find yourself a little bitter when you suddenly realize, this was no mistake, this was not an oversight, or an oopsey! This was unmistakably a present for the giver not for you, and they are counting on using it under the guise of its belonging to you.

My ex was an expert at buying me presents which were actually for him disguised as presents for me.  It was an art really. He had perfected the delivery and the message of intent being that these presents were a way for me to be a part of his interests and his world. I almost felt guilty for not being able to muster up genuine enthusiasm for the gifts. Some were beneficial and some simply held no hope.

He bought me a rifle because all his friends had them and he wanted to be able to join them in target shooting. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed shooting too, and am actually a surprisingly good shot, but the gun was for him. I knew it. He knew it. But the charade was on and it was always my rifle though the use of the gun was seriously skewed in his favor, 75/25.

He bought me a Custom Tied Deep Sea Fishing Rod.  Cool I know, right? Except I had NEVER been deep sea fishing. But you see he had an arsenal, and at $500-$1,000/ea , we had already had the intense and heated discussion about need vs. want, and he simply didn't need anymore. His solution, buy me a custom tied rod, specifications to meet his newest desire, but put my name and colors on it. In our twelve years together he never took me out with him even once, but the gift showed his intent to include me in a future excursions. NOT.  It was my job to stay home with the boys, while he and his buddy's hit the ocean for their next adventure. I didn't get out on the ocean until after we were no longer together, but when I finally did I had my own custom tied Tuna Rod.  My new custom tied rod got used, by him, A lot! Use of this gift was heavily skewed 100/0 in his favor until after I got custody.

He bought me a jet ski.  I enjoyed riding, but again my job was to take care of the boys. The ski made frequent trips to the river and lakes without me. An when it was with me, I found my place was on the beach with the kids. The ski was enjoyable, what little I used it, but the hard riding, the bulk of the usage was by my ex, his friends, & his family. He went the extra step to ensure this gift was mine, by inscribing a dedication in memory of my father on it, but the use of this gift was easily 80/20 in his favor.

He bought me Tools, he bought me a television, there were collectibles he intended to make a fortune on someday (he never did). He bought me a quad (used 70/30 in his favor). Every occasion to give, was masked as an occasion to buy for himself. He knew how to manipulate it in his favor, but he made one fatal mistake, there was a flaw in his dastardly narcissistic plan.

You see when in a marriage in a state which recognizes community property and marital assets like California, gifts are not included as part of the marital assets if they are clearly indicated and proven to be gifts. I am a sentimental fool and keet every card I have ever received with every gift. I always document occasions with photos of the special day. As a result, I had unwittingly, documented the proof necessary to demonstrate my exes generosity.

So.....when we divorced, all of these wonderful gifts, he so graciously gave me, became part of my personal assets unbound by community property or marital asset guidelines. They were to remain with me, (even if I had no use for them other than to sell them off and use the gains to establish my new life elsewhere).  He had given me so many things that he thought he could benefit from, but when divorce happens, human nature dictates, that as amicable as we may try to be, tinges of vindictiveness and hostility will seep through. So with a smile I happily held on to those belongings which were mine by gift.

Here is the lesson... this Christmas when thinking of a gift for the one you love, think of them! Put your heart into it! What do they love to do? What are they interested in? What will bring a genuine and true smile to their face? Give selflessly not selfishly. Don't confuse the two. Its doesn't have to be extravagant, or costly, just thoughtful.  If your an artist, make a picture; if your a chef, plan a romantic meal; plan a day together, or buy  a day at the spa, or a weekend in wine country; buy a book by a favorite author; take a cooking class together. Think about the person, and make your gift something personal to them. Practice makes perfect. Sometimes it takes a little effort but you have opportunities throughout the year and for your lives together to get it right. Sometimes it will be a hit, sometimes a miss, but if you always put your heart into it, it will always be appreciated.

Gifts from the heart are better than Gifts of any other kind.

Happy Holidays.

Not Everything is Better New

Whats wrong with a classic, vintage, traditional. Have you ever heard the cliche's "Leave well enough alone" or even better "If it ain't broke don't fix it"?  I am so sad when I see people take something that is fabulous in its original state, and they think that updating it somehow makes it better.

If you have read my blog, you already know I am a big fan of movies. My two all time favorite holiday classics include of course Miracle on 34th Street, the 1947 version, and Its a Wonderful Life, 1946, with Jimmy Stewart.  These two movies are an absolute must see every year, multiple times if possible and every time they make my heart sing.


Originally done in black and white, pre-dating color cinema, these movies were and are spectacular. Warm and innocent. They make us smile and take us back to simpler times when the lines between good and bad were clearer, and less complicated. I love the way they speak to each other, the conversations and the little enigmatic turns of phrase. This movies are classic for a reason and have stood the test of time. Generation fall in love with them because they were not made to stand on special effects or cinematic slight of hand.

So why do people find it necessary to bastardize and diminish perfection. I refer to the colorization of these movies. I know there are those who will argue that adding color enhances the movies and brings them into the modern age, but I so vehemently disagree. I will seek out and find the black and white versions in an effort to preserve them in my library for posterity and in honor of their originality. I will not support the color versions being peddled and broadcast in order to garner younger viewers.  I would argue that if this generation were introduced to these wonderful movies in their black and white state, in the right setting, they too would fall in love with them just as they have the claymation videos of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, Frosty, and the Little Drummer Boy. My children and their friends are perfect test cases, and they love  these movies just as I do.  They are a part of our annual holiday traditions, and it is a tradition they will pass on to their families.

I guess my point in all of this rant and rave, is that not everything is better made "new". Somethings are classic for a reason, and their beauty is found in their originality and their natural intended state. There is a reason they have stood the test of time. Trust in that, support it, and honor it. Help to ensure that future generations are given the opportunity to embrace things as they were intended to be in their original era, touched with the iconic feelings and symbols of a time gone by but worthy of acknowledgement and embracing even today.

Happy Holidays.

Alien Invasion

Every morning I start my day day by watching the local news on ABC. Our local station has a daily "Question of the Day".  Viewers tweet, text, facebook, or email in their answers throughout the broadcast and then just before they sign off to hand it over to Good Morning America, they provide viewers with the answer.  Last week the question was something like this;  "Statistics show that Americans reporting this has decreased 90% over the past two decades, What is it?" and of course the answer, given the topic of my blog today, was UFO sightings.

So after giggling a bit, I recognized that part of the decrease might be attributable to Pop Culture.  20 years ago the rage was all about the alien. We had X-files with David Duchovney which ruled the air every Friday night. There was V - the original, not last years attempt at a remake that fell sadly very short. Roswell, provided its brand and twist on the Roswell conspiracy. Aliens ruled the world, or at least our entertainment options. Aliens have captivated or  fascinations and imaginations since the Roswell incident. Their mystery and perceived threat of danger was reaching its pinnacle and about to crescendo two decades ago. But remember , every thing comes back around.

You can see how it would happen. Look at the hype and obsession with Vampires/Werewolves/ and witches today. We always need that iconic fascination that defines a generation.

Anyway....if I set aside all of that and look  simply at the realism, what would we find.

How could an Alien Invasion happen? Why would Aliens want to invade Earth?

Let's ask why Aliens or other intelligent (more dominant) species of some kind would want to invade us. As far as we understand our planet we enjoy the benefits of habitable eco-systems, fresh water, and a means to produce foods.  These things would be the most likely reason for an alien invasion... Assuming that we are not alone in this vast cosmos....

Why isn't this theory a crock? Taken to account that there are roughly 100 billion stars in our Milky Way galaxy, the probability of life on other planets is a likely one.  Also the infinite number of parallel universes, there the possibility of life on other planets is expanded quite a bit.  Extraterrestrials would have quite a bit of searching to do just to find our big blue ball in an infinite sea of possibilities, in this case.  The reasoning behind an invasion could stem from any number of things.  Their own planet could be in the grip of over population, that they have depleted their own native resources and drained the planet.  Over pollution is as well another possibility for their migrations.  If there were resources native to only a few planets, Earth included this would be another cause for invasion.

FLT : Faster than light travel would likely be needed for them to reach us. Our universe is theorized to be one thousand trillion trillion (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) meters, should our planet be found in the vastness of possibilities, how would we be reached from the depths of space?  Traveling at a year at the speed of light one would have gone ten trillion kilometers (10,000,000,000,000) one would have to possess superior technologies that could propel them at faster than light speeds, and/or through "wormholes".  A theoretical distortion of space-time in a region of the universe that would link one location or time with another, through a path that is shorter in distance or duration than would otherwise be expected.  If one were able to harness faster than light speeds, faster than 300,000 kilometers per second as well as travel through wormholes, then an invasion would be quite possible within a few years as opposed to a few million, billion, or trillion years. Physicists today are coming closer to the answer of this question although the technology is something out of our current reach.

Could we stop an alien invasion of our planet?

Oh sure, I'll get Will Smith on the phone - and we'll be kicking their asses Independence Day style in no time....

NOT!

Given the technologies that these beings could possibly possess, or other transport options that we couldn't fathom, it is quite likely that they would possesses weapons that would remove us completely without endangering their new possible home.  In another case, they may even just kill off the excess and use the rest as slave labor.  Such fantasies as seen in the science fiction books and movies where humans won the day through whatever means would be exactly that, fiction.  An intelligent species would have taken the time to study this planets physiology and technology to learn what viruses and possible threats that were resident here and take precautions.

In the event of an unknown threat, we would have no hard information on how to defend ourselves against a threat such as this.  Being an unknown enemy is the best tactic that an enemy has.  We would either kill ourselves, and the planet with nuclear weapons in the remote chance that it would remove the threat, game over for everyone.

Not....likely....

Having said all that,  am I living in fear? Of course not. Truth is, the probability is high that if they exists, they are already living among us. It could be your neighbor, or your neighbors dog for that matter.  Myths and legends all start somewhere grounded in reality. I never laid claim to Earth as mine, I simply share it with all of you and whatever else may come. I am the guest, and like all guests, when its time to leave, I will do so graciously. :)

Live Long and prosper, Nanu Nanu.
:)

Dear Santa......

This was my letter to Santa last year;

Dear Santa, Let me explain! See what happened was... well see it went like this... uh, one day I was...what I meant to do was...it was my intention to...., uh, dang, I'm getting coal huh? 

I think it was pretty clear that I wasn't expecting much, but it all worked out and he took care to make sure I had a good Christmas anyway. So this year I decided to start off with a little more confidence;

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. Truly I have! I've fed, cleaned up after,  and cared for the boys, Jeff, and the dogs on demand. I've made doctors appointments, bought energy drinks, and assisted with homework projects and assignments enough to earn my bachelors degree 3 times over. I've excused the unexcused absence, and been more patient than Job in the bible, no matter what you hear to the contrary from the boys. I participated, or rather donated, to fundraisers for the track team and sat on those hard hemorrhoid inducing bleachers at every home meet, even when it was freezing cold and raining.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with a sharpie I found in my dryer , on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the foreseeable future.

 Here are my Christmas wishes:

•  To Start with, can you have the elves take care of those sharpie marks that got all over that load of laundry in the dryer? My favorite skirt was in that load along with the boys brand new khaki's, which, by the way is where I'm pretty sure the sharpie came from.

• I'd like a pair of legs and hips and knees that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to carry in groceries enough for an army of men when I get home from the grocery store, since I can't ask for help without a full negotiation session which takes so long that the frozen goods melt.Its a good thing their not the polar ice caps, or we'd be facing the end of the world. Which BTW, may happen on December 21st according to the Mayan calendar, so if you want to come early, I'm cool with that.

• I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in my late thirties. I have looked everywhere for it, but can't seem to find it. Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

• If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint and dog nose resistant windows for the house and car; a radio that only plays my chosen music, no sports, no talk radio; a TV that requires a retinal scan for programming and is programmed only to read my eyes; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone, or store dark chocolate, or escape anytime I feel the pressure mounting.

• On the practical side, I could use subliminal training tapes  that simply teach the messages, "I love you" , "thanks mom", and "sure thing mom, I'll get right on it". These would boost both my parental confidence and my daily satisfaction ratio. Also,  2 kids who don't fight and 3 pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

• I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Pick up your mess", because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

• It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family. Somehow I don't think the godfather intended payment for picking up ones socks, or placing ones plate and fork in the dishwasher.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and the dogs saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think they think it's dinner time again even though they were fed 15 minutes ago.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MOM

I Beleive...

Do you believe?

I love the innocence and faith of children at Christmas time. I wish we all had the same faith they do. I have read so many posts about not lying to our children, not creating false hope, or blurring the lines between fiction and reality, and I respect that, I do. Personally, I strive for honesty between my children and I, throughout the year, but here's the thing......for me Santa is real.

I've met parents who are anti-Santa Claus. "It's the first big lie we tell our children,".  But I disagree!  I think that a big part Santa Claus is simply encouraging and fostering the idea of a little bit of magic in our children's lives. I have always loved getting swept up in the spirit of the season. But are there legitimate negative consequences? Will our kids lose trust in us? Are we teaching them it's okay to lie? Will they eventually view God as the next big fairy tale that is to be outgrown? Or can the concept of Santa Claus be a positive thing to help them learn to think critically for themselves and not live on borrowed light.

I encouraged my children to believe. They wrote letters each year which expressed one key wish they hoped for themselves and then something for each member of the family. I encouraged them to think about not just themselves, but others as well. They took their job very seriously! As they grew older and began to realize that the man in the bright red suit was more of a symbol, we chose to continue to embrace Santa Claus in our home and to believe in the spirit of the myth.

I realize there isn't a man who lives at the north poll delivering toys to good little boys and girls. I realize the science alone of a man who flies around the world in one night delivering presents to millions of believers, is flawed in every sense. But there are wonderful people everywhere who donate their time, their money, and kindness to strangers and loved ones alike. They demonstrate a benevolence and selflessness, which is genuine and real.  I'm not a fan of the commercialism that surrounds any holiday, and Christmas is the biggest offender of them all, but believing in Santa is more than lists of wants and demands.  Santa is a symbol of generosity and kindness. Rather he be myth, or the evolution of a true saint who became a legend, doesn't matter, its about the heart.


The spirit of giving is what Santa is really about. It's about those butterflies I get in my stomach whenever I can help someone in need. Its about the warmth in my heart and the tears of joys which swell up, whenever I can see hope spring to life in the eyes of someone resigned to none.  I believe in Santa with all my heart and I've experienced the kindness of Santa Claus first hand. I've shown the kindness of Santa Claus, I've been Santa Clause, and I've known hundred of others who have been Santa Claus.

Harmful, harmless, or beneficial?Everyone has their view, and makes the choice, and I respect that.

As for me.. I still believe! I will always believe!

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Mayan Calendar

So I have already confessed that I am a fan of cable TV as opposed to network TV.  I typically find the shows to be more creative, engaging, and thought provoking.  Usually......This weekend, in what little down time I found, I discovered that with the impending end of the Mayan Calendar, comes oodles and oodles of doomsday prediction and theories.  So I decided to do a little digging, and here is a quick synopsis for you on many of the crazy theories floating around right now. Enjoy. Bear with me here boys and girls - it's a bit nutty :)


Roland Emmerich -  the director behind the disaster movies like "Independence Day", "The Day After Tomorrow",  and "2012"  delivered blockbuster portrayals of predictions around potential  major events that could change the world. "2012" specifically focused on the December 21st, 2012, disaster theory that a series of events so cataclysmic would occur that mankind would face extinction and only a few thousand elite class individuals would survive by boarding large vessels meant to sail the seas ala' Noah's ark old testament style. The movie actually bombed at the box office, as did so many of its end of the world predecessors, and presented such a far fetched scenario sequence, that it actually elicited laughter from some viewers, this one included.

So lets look a little more at reality....Evidence for the 2012 prediction is spotty at best, but it does center upon the end of the what is known as the long run of the Mayan Calendar. So here are a few of the likely and unlikely risks that may face the Earth on or around the winter solstice this year.

The ancient peoples of Mesoamerica were of a vast interconnected empire, symbiotic in nature, filled with rich art, education and destruction. The Maya were only one of these tribes. So ...other than archaeological intrigue why is this tribe so studied? Though their written language was based on pictographs, similar to those of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, the Mayan culture was not unlike almost every other native cultures and tribe of its time.

So what IS supposed to happen on this magical date of December 21, 2012? One theory suggests that a Magnetic Field shift will occur around this time, that the calendar was based on pole shifts, which have occurred repetitively throughout the Earths history. The Maya, understanding the time periods between these shifts created their Long count calendar around them and come up with the final date for the next pole shift. But how would they know what to look for to expect another shift? How much time was supposed to pass between these shifts and how did they know it? Was there a record passed down to them from long ago recounting a time when there was a prior pole shift so that mathematics could be used to predict the next one to come? Or did the ancients study climate change through tree rings?

Others suggest a much more mythical or religious approach. December 21, 2012 is also the Winter Solstice, and provides us with a view that will not be seen again in any of our lifetimes. The Sun will conjunct the intersection of the Milky Way in the ecliptic, giving us view of the Sacred Tree as called by the Maya, giving us view of the Tree of Life.

Both of these scenarios are quite possible, one scientific explanation, and one religious. What we still do not know, and probably will not know is what will happen after this end date until it actually occurs. A new dawn of enlightenment would be a step towards progression, in that mankind would become more aware of their surroundings and the impact that they have on the Earth as well as a higher intelligence and consciousness and a better mindset for helping their fellow man. Perhaps this is the end, when Mother Nature finally decides to shrug off the oppressiveness that has been created by the children and start anew.

More likely, we may just end up living through another doomsday prophecy, going to work or school as usual, looking back on the prophecies and laughing them off. Peter may have cried wolf too often for our cynical minds. Chicken Little's sky is probably not falling.

The National Geographic channel also addressed the Mayans belief that there are 13 cycles of creation and Kingdoms and that the end of the calendar is the point at which the final, 13th cycle of life will begin.  Its all so vague and can be interpreted so many different ways, it can make ones head spin. Crank it it up spin it around and spew pea soup. Truly.

The more you watch, the more you read, the more crazy it gets.

You have your standard Alien Invasion (newsflash people, if they are coming, they are already here, LOL); Nostradamus and his quatranes come into play at every predicted Armageddon; you have Scientology and other lunatics who put stock in the collision with Planet Nibiru/Planet X/Wormwood (really as if the millions of satellites in orbit wouldn't catch something the size of a planet hurtling our direction?); There are the doomsdayers who have been predicting environmental collapse for decades; Sunbursts and Solar Storms, meteors, the black hole, a super-bug, disease, famine, super-volcanos, the implosion of the earths core, and on...and on...and on.

Whatever the prediction, whatever the theory, you see where I am going with this? The likelihood remains stronger than all others that you will wake up on December 22, go to work or school and continue your life as always. Perhaps a little less naive and a bit more jaded to the next time Peter cries Wolf and Chicken Little announces the sky is falling. My plan for preparation includes living my life, paying my bills, going to work, as usual. I am planning for life as we know it to continue come December 22, 2012, and if I'm wrong, well it just won't matter much then, will it?