Senseless

What must break inside a 22 year old mans head, seemingly well balanced and capable, that drives him to take an automatic weapon, suit up, and drive to the local mall where 10,000 people are working and shopping for the Christmas Season, and open fire?

It's tragic and unfathomable. I can't imagine what happens inside the mind, that would trigger such a heartless and horrific act of cruelty and cowardice.

Clackamas Town Center was just one of many such recent events. And in every case, rather it be this one, or the Colorado movie theater, or the many different high school and college campuses, there is a common thread. People who knew the shooter always say the same thing. There is a consistent response of shock, "He always seemed like such a nice guy", or "I never imagined he could do something like this".  But there is also frequently the common thread of "he seemed a little off lately" or "he sold all of his belongings recently".

Is there a solution? Is there a precursor event or action that would predict such behaviors definitively and allow us to prevent them.  If only science fiction and TV and movies were real. Wouldn't it be lovely to  have a machine like in the TV show Person of Interest that predicts a murder before it happens and allows it to be prevented. Or Tom Cruise in Minority Report where oracles see crimes before they happen and the crime is prevented. There are fallacies to such theories and ideas, innocent until proven guilty, intent vs action, the role of free will and the ability to chose a different path right up until the last moment. But hypothetically, wouldn't it be worth the trade off if we could prevent tragedies like the one this week?

I think it is important to acknowledge that the tragedy of these events is not limited to the victims themselves, though my heart and prayers are with them and their families. But the tragedy touches the lives of all 10,000 people at the mall that day. The terror of the event, the post traumatic stress of it, the nightmares and memories, stay with each person in their own way. Some will move on easily. Others will be haunted by the sounds and sights and fear they felt, for days and weeks and years to come. Some will develop phobias of public places. The tragedy is with every person touched by it that day and exponentially grows as it spider webs out to their family and friends. 

I understand we can't live in a bubble and protect ourselves or our children from the senseless actions of others. But as I watch these events unfold on TV sometimes, I find my own phobias and compulsive fears and disorders become magnified, temporarily, and then they calm again.  How do we make sense of the senseless? We don't. Sometimes life takes us by surprise and we simply have to remember, to breath, to keep living, to never take a moment for granted.

I heard on the news, as they interviewed the woman who sat with one of the victims the other day as she lay dying in the middle of the mall, she assured the victims family that the victim died with dignity and that she was not alone. The heroes that rise to the challenge are many, and the gift this bystander gave to a dying woman and her family was priceless. Never to be forgotten.

Will I go to a mall this Christmas? Yes I will. If for no other reason than to reclaim the power back which that lone, sad, and desperately broken, cowardly man in his moment of rampage and violence tried to steal from all of us.

I will always wonder though, what happens inside the mind of a seemingly sane person, that drives them to such terrorizing and horrific behavior?