Taking a Page from Monty Python....

"....Run away, run away...." (search for the Holy Grail).

I am an avoidier. I avoid situations that make me uncomfortable. I don't like drama or confrontation and I detest feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.  It's not often I find myself in these circumstances or situations because I am careful to avoid them.

My personal time is precious to me and I elect to spend it doing things and with people who make me smile. I don't like hypocrisy or false platitudes and  I don't enjoy wearing a mask and pretending to be something or someone I am not. I will not feign interest in things I have no desire to know about or do, and I will not smile, nod, and simply agree with beliefs or  opinions that I am diametrically opposed to. Don't get me wrong, I am open minded and intrigued by other view points, but I will only participate in conversations that are two sided and open to counter points and questions. I will not have beliefs dictated to me, or be told what to do or say.

I refuse to be judged by others who are no better than myself, which lets be honest is everyone. We are all flawed. We are all weak. We have all made monumental mistakes in life, but we are all worthy of respect and kindness and forgiveness. I will not kiss the ring of others who see themselves as better than I.  In my eyes, we are all equal.

I don't handle rejection well. Who does? I consider myself to be a really good person, pleasant to be around, funny, intelligent, kind and honest. If people chose not to like me, or want to know me, then that is their loss. I like who I am, and so do others. I will not accept judgements against me, especially by those who know nothing about me. You might be an acquaintance in nature, but unless you have spent time with me, genuine time, and truly made the effort to know me, then you know nothing. Your opinion means nothing. You can create little stories in your head and amongst your friends about my life and things I have purportedly done, but they are just that, stories. Unfounded and strewn together by bits and pieces of a truth or falsehood  you know nothing of and have not taken the time to ask about.

For those who take the time and effort to ask, I always tell the truth. I have nothing to hide. I am an open book. I am neither demon nor saint, I am simply human. I am not ashamed or embarrassed by my choices or actions in life. Every step has been an opportunity to learn and grow and I am a better person for it. If the only knowledge you have of me is from others, even those you consider trusted resources, then you are a fool. Even trusted resources can lie and deceive when protecting their own interests and agenda.

I wrote a few days ago about no longer banging my head against a concrete wall, and I feel liberated and free having acknowledged that I surrender. I am no longer interested in seeking the approval or acceptance of anyone who would chose to unilaterally dismiss me with prejudice based on falsehoods created by others. If your acceptance of a relationship with me can  be swayed by extrapolation and exaggeration, imagination and outright lies and conjecture, without independently seeking knowledge of your own, by your own experience and interaction, then you are a sheep, not a leader.

Personally, I never judge anyone for their past actions or relationships. I do not place stock in stories I've heard which are always influenced and embellished by the story teller from their perspective with imagined details inserted. I chose to get to know the people in my life on their own accord, by their actions as directly related to and affecting me firsthand. There are two sides to every story and what happened between you and another, is not directly related to what may happen between you and I. When I open my heart and door to you as a person I am interested in knowing, it is with a clean slate. Yours and mine to create together. What happened yesterday, or last week, or last year, or in another lifetime, has no meaning. I take you at face value today, and as long as we respect each other, even if we are different, I accept you.

Though my life is full. I always have room for more, but on equal terms. I will not beg to be a part of your world if you are not interested in being a part of mine. Love me or leave me alone. Like me or hate me. Accept me or reject me. But know, I am worthy, I am wonderful, and I am welcoming.

Here are three core elements of me to get your inquisitive nature kick started:

• I have been married and divorced twice. The first very young ended after just two years when I discovered he was actually gay...long story; the second ended after 13 years together primarily because I was no longer broken from the first...it's also an interesting story. I presently live with a man I have been with for nearly 7 years. We have known each other since I was 17, dated once way back then, kissed once way back then, and we have both come to the conclusion that through all life brought our individual ways, through our encounters since we first met all those years ago, we were fated to be together in the right time and place which is now. We bring out the best in each other. We live, we love, we laugh.
• I have not been a nun but I have not been promiscuous either. I hold great respect for intimacy and have always seen it as a doorway to greater and more meaningful communication. I would never be frivolous or careless with an act intended to have such high value and purpose. I would never barter it for trade, or benefit, or use it as a weapon. I follow my heart, not my libido.
• Religion and the path I have taken to enlightenment has been a challenge. I have a strong system of core beliefs, but the details get murky for me. I think religion is very personal and individual and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. I am continually learning and investigating. I expect that this will be a lifelong adventure. I am inquisitive by nature, and I seek logical answers.

Ask me anything, take the time to know me, you won't be disappointed. :) Please don't assume you know me until you've taken the time to have a few meaningful conversations with me.What's the catch you say???... you have to be willing to share as well.

You want have to coffee, tea, breakfast, lunch, dinner, drinks, dessert.....just call or e-mail. My schedule is always always flexible, when and where?  You don't have to come to me, or I to you, we can meet in the middle.