What constitutes family? Is it blood lines and genealogy, or is it heart and soul? Are we bound by a shared heritage, or do we create our own bonds. What is the primal instinct and need we have to connect with our lineage? Are we flawed if we fail to make that connection and alternatively create stronger connections with friends?
Various religious studies and doctrines teach that family is an eternal bond. But the question still remains what is family? Is the adopted child family? Is the eternal bond with his birth parents, those of his true blood line, or with his adoptive parents? If it's with his adoptive parents then the path to choice is open for the rest of us. If the adoptive child is bound to the family who selected him or her, then we too have the option of being selected or selecting the connections we call family? Right?
Is a wife bound to her husband even though they don't share a blood tie (unless they come from deliverance backwoods, lol) or to the her blood family? If she is bound to her husband then her bloodline is fractured and splintered. Alternately, if she is bound to her bloodline, then what becomes of the children she and her husband share?
The complexity of family being strictly defined by blood being thicker than water, makes my head hurt. I think the truth is, that family is where the heart is, just as home is where the heart is.
If we spend our lives banging our heads against a wall trying to make connections with family on a one way street, then we will only come out of it with a giant knot in the middle of our head and really bad headache. Sometimes we share a great deal in common with our traditionally defined families, and sometimes we don't. Sometimes the differences we have bring balance and diversity and help us expand our points of view. But sometimes, and its just the luck of the draw, sometimes... the differences divide us irreparably and the pain and struggle of forcing a fit, becomes more emotionally destructive than helpful.
I am one of six children. The baby girl and 5th in line. Over the years I have worked to nurture and foster communications with each of my siblings. Some are more successful than others, and some are stronger and more promising. I haven't given up, but I have accepted that some may never produce the fruit and joy that others do. We are all unique and different and our viewpoints on life, and our own personal experiences with childhood and beyond have shaped us. No one of us is better than the next, we are just, in some cases, too different.
I spent this weekend with some phenomenal women who I consider sisters to my heart. They make me laugh and they make me smile, and they embrace and encourage the silly in me. I am relaxed and content to be simply me when I am with them. They represent not just friends to me but family by choice. Sometimes our souls are drawn to others, as if we knew them before we were brought into this life. And sometimes those connections are so strong and so powerful that they become family. Sometimes we truly are Saturdays child.
I will never discount the value of traditional family bonds, but I do believe that some of the bonds we create through choice can be just as powerful. Is blood thicker than water? Perhaps. But so is nectar, sweet and satisfying, and I think that's what friendships ooze. :)
I value each member of my family, even those with which communications are broken, but I value just as greatly the friendships I have forged to last a lifetime.
About Me
- Lisa
- I always wanted to write a book but could never focus long enough to make it happen. Maybe this blog will inspire me. Or maybe it can be an outlet for my jumbled thoughts and opinions. You may not always agree with me, but that's o.k. I would love to hear your thoughts anyway.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Optimist or Pessimist?
There are two primary categories in which we as humans fit. Optimist and Pessimist.
The Optimist is as we all know and have heard, the glass half full proponent. We see the world as a series of unlimited opportunities. We embrace the challenges we face each day as a chance to learn and grow. Life rarely gets us down and if it does we bounce back quickly. We see the silver lining in almost everything we do and face.
The Optimist rarely complains about the world around them. We accept where we are and what is before us with enthusiasm and energy. We infuse the people in our lives with hope and faith, and the belief that everything happens for a reason and in the end we arrive at the destination where we are intended. The Optimist sees change as a constant, unavoidable, but embraces it with vigor and a dedication to see it through.
Optimist frequently live life without regret, as we believe every turn, every experience, is a stepping stone which has brought us to where we are today and will take us to where we will be tomorrow.
The Pessimist, lives a life of challenge just as the optimist, but the glass is half empty. There is always something to complain about, something to critique. They can't live life without pointing out the shortfalls. The Pessimist is frequently characterized through a "victim" mentality. Things are always happening "to them" and they claim little if any responsibility for the consequences of their actions and choices. Life is a chore and they are never truly happy or even simply content. Even when things are going well the pessimist will look for flaws and go so far as to create them if they don't readily exist. Change terrifies the pessimist, and someone is always being sneaky, deceptive, or in the pessimist mind, manipulative. They see trickery and dark corners all around them and they are always waiting for the proverbial other boot to fall.
I think it takes both Optimist and Pessimist to balance the world around us. I don't necessarily see either as good or evil, frivolous or realist, I see them both as character traits which can, if allowed, help to define who we are and strengthen us. I think that to much of either can be good and bad. To optimistic and you can't face reality when it gets too nasty, to pessimistic and you can't find the joy in life. We are all heavier weighted to one or the other, but in order to face life in a healthy and successful way, we need to find a balance, qi (chi).
If you're an optimist, challenge yourself to also be a realist. See things for what they are, not just what you want them to be. It's good to find the silver lining, but know that sometimes it takes great work and effort to get there.
If your a pessimist, challenge yourself to seek out the silver lining and positive side of challenges you may face. Try to rise above the world as your enemy, and see this life we have all been given as a gift and opportunity to grow and prepare for eternity in whatever form it takes based on your individual belief system.
Bottom line, cherish each day, make the most of it, and remember to love and laugh because you never know how long you have and what tomorrow brings.
The Optimist is as we all know and have heard, the glass half full proponent. We see the world as a series of unlimited opportunities. We embrace the challenges we face each day as a chance to learn and grow. Life rarely gets us down and if it does we bounce back quickly. We see the silver lining in almost everything we do and face.
The Optimist rarely complains about the world around them. We accept where we are and what is before us with enthusiasm and energy. We infuse the people in our lives with hope and faith, and the belief that everything happens for a reason and in the end we arrive at the destination where we are intended. The Optimist sees change as a constant, unavoidable, but embraces it with vigor and a dedication to see it through.
Optimist frequently live life without regret, as we believe every turn, every experience, is a stepping stone which has brought us to where we are today and will take us to where we will be tomorrow.
The Pessimist, lives a life of challenge just as the optimist, but the glass is half empty. There is always something to complain about, something to critique. They can't live life without pointing out the shortfalls. The Pessimist is frequently characterized through a "victim" mentality. Things are always happening "to them" and they claim little if any responsibility for the consequences of their actions and choices. Life is a chore and they are never truly happy or even simply content. Even when things are going well the pessimist will look for flaws and go so far as to create them if they don't readily exist. Change terrifies the pessimist, and someone is always being sneaky, deceptive, or in the pessimist mind, manipulative. They see trickery and dark corners all around them and they are always waiting for the proverbial other boot to fall.
I think it takes both Optimist and Pessimist to balance the world around us. I don't necessarily see either as good or evil, frivolous or realist, I see them both as character traits which can, if allowed, help to define who we are and strengthen us. I think that to much of either can be good and bad. To optimistic and you can't face reality when it gets too nasty, to pessimistic and you can't find the joy in life. We are all heavier weighted to one or the other, but in order to face life in a healthy and successful way, we need to find a balance, qi (chi).
If you're an optimist, challenge yourself to also be a realist. See things for what they are, not just what you want them to be. It's good to find the silver lining, but know that sometimes it takes great work and effort to get there.
If your a pessimist, challenge yourself to seek out the silver lining and positive side of challenges you may face. Try to rise above the world as your enemy, and see this life we have all been given as a gift and opportunity to grow and prepare for eternity in whatever form it takes based on your individual belief system.
Bottom line, cherish each day, make the most of it, and remember to love and laugh because you never know how long you have and what tomorrow brings.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Sunday Drive
It's been a while since we took a Sunday Drive. Usually my weekends are reserved for sleeping in , very late, and then getting up to take care of those pesky chores that don't get done during the work week. You know, lawn work, and the like.
But today we woke up early with the determination to take a lovely drive up the Columbia Gorge. The idea was that we would take our annual Fall Foliage pictures before the winds got too high and the trees were stripped naked. We were optimistic as we started our drive with detour through Straucks drive through where we grabbed two ham and cheese artisan sandwiches a grande mocha and grande chai tea (the Chai was mine, YUM!!)
As we made our way through town to the gorge, we gained a sneaking suspicion that we may have been a bit off schedule. A little too early. The trees lining the streets in town did not appear to be in fall color yet, barely beginning to show signs of change. We stayed positive, that there was still hope that perhaps the gorge would show us something more. Alas as we reached Highway 84 and made our way further and further up the river, it was clearly not going to be the photo opportunity we had expected. We made it to Multnomah Falls before turning around. It was a short Sunday drive, but nice anyway. It was actually pleasant to wake up and start the day before it was already half over. We had coffee and breakfast and it was worth it. We mapped out a few visual points that will be key next week or the week after when we do finally go.
As soon as I have the Fall pictures, you will know because I will post them.
If you have any falls traditions that you enjoy, share them with me. Tell me what is special to you, what you love about fall. I would love to know and maybe it will spark some new ideas for me to try.
This is a photo I took in 2010 just outside of Battle Ground, Washington while on a Sunday morning drive.
But today we woke up early with the determination to take a lovely drive up the Columbia Gorge. The idea was that we would take our annual Fall Foliage pictures before the winds got too high and the trees were stripped naked. We were optimistic as we started our drive with detour through Straucks drive through where we grabbed two ham and cheese artisan sandwiches a grande mocha and grande chai tea (the Chai was mine, YUM!!)
As we made our way through town to the gorge, we gained a sneaking suspicion that we may have been a bit off schedule. A little too early. The trees lining the streets in town did not appear to be in fall color yet, barely beginning to show signs of change. We stayed positive, that there was still hope that perhaps the gorge would show us something more. Alas as we reached Highway 84 and made our way further and further up the river, it was clearly not going to be the photo opportunity we had expected. We made it to Multnomah Falls before turning around. It was a short Sunday drive, but nice anyway. It was actually pleasant to wake up and start the day before it was already half over. We had coffee and breakfast and it was worth it. We mapped out a few visual points that will be key next week or the week after when we do finally go.
As soon as I have the Fall pictures, you will know because I will post them.
If you have any falls traditions that you enjoy, share them with me. Tell me what is special to you, what you love about fall. I would love to know and maybe it will spark some new ideas for me to try.
I'm not a Witch
It's true that October is here and that this is the month for Halloween and all the festivities that come with it. Anyone who is familiar with my preferences in movies, know that not only am I total Science Fiction Geek, but I also love a great scare flick, horror film. Rather purely psychological or the absolutely hokey slice and dice gore, (though I much prefer the psychological scare in which the imagination is key), I love a good Halloween Movie.
Starting on October 1, every year we watch one Halloween themed movie every day we do the same in December for Christmas by the way). We watch live action and animations, and we love them all.
But this blog is dedicated to my declaration that I am not a witch. As if anyone would ever truly believe I was.
I have a skirt which I love. It is black and white stripes with a petticoat hike on the left side and is simply cute. I wear it in the summer with a tank and in the fall/winter with a long sleeve tee and leggings. This week I wore my skirt to work and paired it with my red suede boots. Unfortunately, one of my coworkers decided to tease and chide me all day about the impression that to her it resembled what she would envision as modern day witch attire. I won;t wear the same combination ensemble to work again, but it made me think of Monty Python. \
Its a classic and scene in which a town woman is accused of witchery. The dialogue is very kitschy but I love this movie and so do my boys. The scene takes place in the town square where they appear to be ready for a trial, in the end they determine that though framed by the townsfolk, the best way to determine a witch is by comparing her to wood in the water because witches float and wood floats therefore if she floats she must be a witch.
Anyway, to wrap this up, I love Halloween, I love scary movies, I accidentally dressed like a witch, I am not a witch, and I love Monte Python's Search for the Holy Grail. If your not familiar with it, watch it you'll love it too and if you don't then maybe your a witch.
Happy October!!!!!!
Starting on October 1, every year we watch one Halloween themed movie every day we do the same in December for Christmas by the way). We watch live action and animations, and we love them all.
But this blog is dedicated to my declaration that I am not a witch. As if anyone would ever truly believe I was.
I have a skirt which I love. It is black and white stripes with a petticoat hike on the left side and is simply cute. I wear it in the summer with a tank and in the fall/winter with a long sleeve tee and leggings. This week I wore my skirt to work and paired it with my red suede boots. Unfortunately, one of my coworkers decided to tease and chide me all day about the impression that to her it resembled what she would envision as modern day witch attire. I won;t wear the same combination ensemble to work again, but it made me think of Monty Python. \
Its a classic and scene in which a town woman is accused of witchery. The dialogue is very kitschy but I love this movie and so do my boys. The scene takes place in the town square where they appear to be ready for a trial, in the end they determine that though framed by the townsfolk, the best way to determine a witch is by comparing her to wood in the water because witches float and wood floats therefore if she floats she must be a witch.
ala Monte Python:
The Witch:
I'm not a witch I'm not a witch!
Sir Bedevere:
But you are dressed as one
The Witch:
*They* dressed me up like this!
Crowd:
We didn't! We didn't...
The Witch:
And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
Sir Bedevere:
[lifts up her false nose] Well?
Peasant 1:
Well, we did do the nose.
Sir Bedevere:
The nose?
Peasant 1:
And the hat, but she is a witch!
Crowd:
Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!
Sir Bedevere:
Did you dress her up like this?
Peasant 1:
No!
Peasant 3:
No!
Peasant 1:
No!
Peasant 1:
Yes!
Peasant 2:
Yes!
Peasant 1:
Yeah a bit.
Peasant 3:
A bit!
Peasant 2:
a bit
Peasant 1:
But she has got a wart!
Anyway, to wrap this up, I love Halloween, I love scary movies, I accidentally dressed like a witch, I am not a witch, and I love Monte Python's Search for the Holy Grail. If your not familiar with it, watch it you'll love it too and if you don't then maybe your a witch.
Happy October!!!!!!
Friday, October 5, 2012
In Memory of My Dad
17 years ago
this morning I lost my Daddy. He was a
really good man with a huge heart and a capacity for love unlike any other man
I’ve ever known. Not a day goes by that
I don’t think of him and miss him, but only the selfish side of me wishes he
was still here. The benevolent part of
me is grateful that he found peace. I am happy knowing that he is comfortable,
that he can breathe again and that he has no pain. I know every day that he is with me and that
he is proud of the woman I have become.
I know he is watching over me and that he knows his two grandsons and
that he is extremely proud of the men they are turning into.
I always knew I
held a special place in my daddy’s heart. Perhaps it was because I was the baby
girl, or maybe it was because we shared our birthday’s (a week apart). Whatever the case, I knew we shared a bond
that was unique to us. Daddy was always
there for me, highs or lows. I always felt his pride in me when I accomplished
something, and I knew his arms would be there to pick me up if I fell down. And I fell down a lot.
As a small
child I remember he worked very hard to provide for a large family. He was not always the one in the home, taking
care of the day to day, it wasn’t a modern day household, but instead very
traditional. But, he was always there when I needed him, he was my safety net,
I trusted that. I could spend days and
days, pages and pages talking about my daddy…but I won’t do that here. Let me just share that he was a good man with
a big heart and a spirit that lives on and on and on.
I miss him every
day, but I always know he is around me.
I love you daddy, ALWAYS.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
When I grow Up
When you were a kid and you dreamed about what you wanted to be when you grew up, what was it you saw. Was it a fireman, a doctor, a lawyer, an actor, or an astronaut? Did you want o be a pilot, or did you play with tonka trucks and dream of one day operating a real one?
I dreamed a lot of things. I wanted for a very long time to be a doctor. As a teen ager I volunteered at the local hospital as a Candy Striper and I always wanted the assignments in the patient wards. I didn't care for the reception area where I directed visitors to the patients rooms. I didn't care for the gift shop. I loved the food cart which allowed me stop in to each patients room and offer them a beverage. I also loved being on ward duties where I was allowed to read to the patients, take them for walks up and down the hallways, run lab work errands and just observe. I put in more than 3,000 hours of volunteer service, had numerous pins and awards for my dedication and then one day, I walked away.
I was on 3rd ward duty which was where most of the geriatric patients were found. These were wonderful, sweet, but sometimes contakerous elderly people who were very ill and many would never go home again. Some had regular visitors, some had none, but I loved to take time for each one. On a Thursday evening in the summer of my 14th birthday, I was working 3rd ward. If you read my blog, you know already that I am claustrophobic and don't love elevators. Well that shift one of the nurses gave me a few containers of urine to take downstairs to the lab for tests. I was required to use the freight elevator as to not expose the general public to the lab samples so I pushed the call button and when the elevator came I boarded. Just as the doors were closing an orderly stopped them with his clipboard and when the doors opened he boarded with a guerney. On the guerney was a patient, who had died. I didn't know which of my ward had passed, but I knew I would discover it when I returned and ran my rounds. Suddenly the elevator came to jolting halt and made a very loud thud and then went silent, No motor sounds, no movement jsut silence. Silence and me with a guerney, two cups of urine, a dead body and orderly who might as well have been dead he had so little movement, no sound, and no emotion. At 14, claustrophobic and experiencing my first dead body, I had no idea what to expect or how to handle what happened next. No one had told me that bodies made sounds and movement after death , so naturally when the body made a sound as though breathing and suddenly twitched resulting in the sheet falling away from the arm, I freaked. Yes, I freaked, I cried and panicked and hyperventilated and though we were stopped for only a few moments I was certain ot was hours, and the story in years to come would say so.
As soon as the doors opened I forgot the urine in my hands, made my way directly to the director of volunteers office, left the urine on her desk along with my name badge and a note that simply said, "I can't do this" and walked away. The end of a dream, the end of my medical career.
In the years to come my dreams came and went ,all for various reasons. A teacher (not enough patience), a lawyer (school was too expensive), an actress, an author, a veterinarian (couldn't stand to watch the animals die, plus the whole medical thing),
Here I am 31 years since that day in the elevator, and though this isn't where I dreamed I'd be, I'm happy. I am an executive assistant and proud of it. I work for only the highest executives, CEO, COO, CFO, Presidents, Owners, Executive Directors and Directors, and I am at the top of my field. I'm good at what I do and I like it. I know at age 4, 8, or 14 I didn't say to myself, "I think I want to grow up and be an executive assistant", but no matter, its where I landed nearly 30 years ago and I have spent years of my life and supported many executives as I honed my skills and fine tuned my knowledge.
The point here is that none of us knows when we are young exactly where and what we will be. Dreams change, directions change, but in the end, if we are true to ourselves we end up in a good place and we are happy. Do what your good at, and don;t let anyone make you second guess or think less of yourself because of what you do.
I dreamed a lot of things. I wanted for a very long time to be a doctor. As a teen ager I volunteered at the local hospital as a Candy Striper and I always wanted the assignments in the patient wards. I didn't care for the reception area where I directed visitors to the patients rooms. I didn't care for the gift shop. I loved the food cart which allowed me stop in to each patients room and offer them a beverage. I also loved being on ward duties where I was allowed to read to the patients, take them for walks up and down the hallways, run lab work errands and just observe. I put in more than 3,000 hours of volunteer service, had numerous pins and awards for my dedication and then one day, I walked away.
I was on 3rd ward duty which was where most of the geriatric patients were found. These were wonderful, sweet, but sometimes contakerous elderly people who were very ill and many would never go home again. Some had regular visitors, some had none, but I loved to take time for each one. On a Thursday evening in the summer of my 14th birthday, I was working 3rd ward. If you read my blog, you know already that I am claustrophobic and don't love elevators. Well that shift one of the nurses gave me a few containers of urine to take downstairs to the lab for tests. I was required to use the freight elevator as to not expose the general public to the lab samples so I pushed the call button and when the elevator came I boarded. Just as the doors were closing an orderly stopped them with his clipboard and when the doors opened he boarded with a guerney. On the guerney was a patient, who had died. I didn't know which of my ward had passed, but I knew I would discover it when I returned and ran my rounds. Suddenly the elevator came to jolting halt and made a very loud thud and then went silent, No motor sounds, no movement jsut silence. Silence and me with a guerney, two cups of urine, a dead body and orderly who might as well have been dead he had so little movement, no sound, and no emotion. At 14, claustrophobic and experiencing my first dead body, I had no idea what to expect or how to handle what happened next. No one had told me that bodies made sounds and movement after death , so naturally when the body made a sound as though breathing and suddenly twitched resulting in the sheet falling away from the arm, I freaked. Yes, I freaked, I cried and panicked and hyperventilated and though we were stopped for only a few moments I was certain ot was hours, and the story in years to come would say so.
As soon as the doors opened I forgot the urine in my hands, made my way directly to the director of volunteers office, left the urine on her desk along with my name badge and a note that simply said, "I can't do this" and walked away. The end of a dream, the end of my medical career.
In the years to come my dreams came and went ,all for various reasons. A teacher (not enough patience), a lawyer (school was too expensive), an actress, an author, a veterinarian (couldn't stand to watch the animals die, plus the whole medical thing),
Here I am 31 years since that day in the elevator, and though this isn't where I dreamed I'd be, I'm happy. I am an executive assistant and proud of it. I work for only the highest executives, CEO, COO, CFO, Presidents, Owners, Executive Directors and Directors, and I am at the top of my field. I'm good at what I do and I like it. I know at age 4, 8, or 14 I didn't say to myself, "I think I want to grow up and be an executive assistant", but no matter, its where I landed nearly 30 years ago and I have spent years of my life and supported many executives as I honed my skills and fine tuned my knowledge.
The point here is that none of us knows when we are young exactly where and what we will be. Dreams change, directions change, but in the end, if we are true to ourselves we end up in a good place and we are happy. Do what your good at, and don;t let anyone make you second guess or think less of yourself because of what you do.
Men and their Sports
As a little girl I grew up watching sports. I remember my dad watching sports on Saturday and Sundays and I don't think he ever missed a game of Monday night Football. Saturday afternoons were always "Wide World of Sports" on ABC with Howard Kosel. We only had Channels for CBS, NBS, ABC, and a couple of other UHF channels. There was no satellite or cable TV then, our television came to us through a large antenna on the roof of our house and rabbit ears on the top of the TV Set or Console. Yes our televisions were once large enough to actually be considered pieces of furniture.
Anyway, I digress. On Saturdays we watched Howard Kosel as he announced everything from ice skating to boxing, to track and field. Whatever the sport was, my dad was watching. On Sundays, my siblings and I got up and had breakfast (Sunday breakfast was always Dad's day turn to cook) and then we got dressed and caught the white bus the church sent around to take us to Sunday School. Daddy never went to Sunday church, so he stayed home and watched his sports. Sunday's were football and car racing, and he loved it.
Monday nights were Monday night football. Daddy would come home from work and eat dinner with us, (in those days we actually sat down to dinner as a family around the dining room table every night) and then he would watch the news just before the game. Being Monday he spent all day working hard so he was tired at the end of the day. As he sat on the couch every Monday night watching the game he would inevitably fall asleep. He was funny though. No matter how deep in sleep he might be, no matter how loud the snore, if you tried to change the channel (which I admittedly attempted many times in my teenage years when my "bedtime" was later) he would wake up instantly, and remind you that "I'm watching that, turn it back". Granted changing on a channel then wasn't stealth and silent like it is today with remotes, it was dial than clicked and snapped every time you moved from one channel to the next. I wanted to point out that he was actually sleeping, but I knew it was futile, so I returned the channel to the football game and let him finish watching it through his closed eyelids.
Flash forward 40 some odd years (yes they have been odd) and my Jeff will watch any sport he can when given the opportunity. It's actually quite funny. There are literally dozens of channels that broadcast sporting events for us to chose from today, 7 days a week . And many providers actually offer packages that will give even more depending on the season and the sport. Direct TV offers an NFL Package so you can see EVERY game on Sunday. There are Nascar packages, Baseball Packages, Golf Packages, Basketball Packages, and more.
I refuse to by the packages (priced at hundred of dollars for the season), so Jeff has to suffer with the dozens of channels he already has, poor guy. Anyway, I find it crazy that he and many men watch so many sports, even ones they don't really care about or like. For instance Jeff is a baseball, football, car racing, golf guy. He doesn't really follow basketball, tennis, motor-cross, winter sports, and other miscellaneous. But when desperation sets in and nothing else can be found he suddenly sparks an interest in one of these sports which are obscure in our household. Its not uncommon for me to wake up at 5 a.m. when he is have a difficult time sleeping and to see tennis, or water polo or some some other oddity on TV. Even in the sports he follows, there are occasionally games and events that he doesn't like or want to watch, but...and here's the crazy obsessive part....even if he has no interest, just because he needs his sports fix, he will watch anyway.
You may wonder what sparked this whole blog, well it was the Ryders Cup. Yes, for those who don't already know, this is a golf tournament played in which Americans compete against the Europeans. There are a series of rounds which include teams, couples, and singles and at the end they determine who is best, Americans or Europeans. Jeff has stated many times how much he hates this event, and yet, when he could find no other sport to occupy his time, he watched it anyway. Its the equivalent of me saying I hate Southpark and then sitting down to watch a 3 day marathon of it.
I've acclimated to the sports enthusiast Jeff is, and I can even embrace it in measure. I join him in his football picks each season and have even won in the past. I don't mind a little sport in my life and even surprise myself and Jeff when I know a little about it in conversation now and again. When I get bored, I grab a book or find something else to entertain myself with. The only thing I don't understand and I lose patience with is the need to watch a sport or event just for the sake of watching sports. If you have no interest, no desire to keep up with it, then why waste your time.
Are most men like this?
Anyway, I digress. On Saturdays we watched Howard Kosel as he announced everything from ice skating to boxing, to track and field. Whatever the sport was, my dad was watching. On Sundays, my siblings and I got up and had breakfast (Sunday breakfast was always Dad's day turn to cook) and then we got dressed and caught the white bus the church sent around to take us to Sunday School. Daddy never went to Sunday church, so he stayed home and watched his sports. Sunday's were football and car racing, and he loved it.Monday nights were Monday night football. Daddy would come home from work and eat dinner with us, (in those days we actually sat down to dinner as a family around the dining room table every night) and then he would watch the news just before the game. Being Monday he spent all day working hard so he was tired at the end of the day. As he sat on the couch every Monday night watching the game he would inevitably fall asleep. He was funny though. No matter how deep in sleep he might be, no matter how loud the snore, if you tried to change the channel (which I admittedly attempted many times in my teenage years when my "bedtime" was later) he would wake up instantly, and remind you that "I'm watching that, turn it back". Granted changing on a channel then wasn't stealth and silent like it is today with remotes, it was dial than clicked and snapped every time you moved from one channel to the next. I wanted to point out that he was actually sleeping, but I knew it was futile, so I returned the channel to the football game and let him finish watching it through his closed eyelids.
Flash forward 40 some odd years (yes they have been odd) and my Jeff will watch any sport he can when given the opportunity. It's actually quite funny. There are literally dozens of channels that broadcast sporting events for us to chose from today, 7 days a week . And many providers actually offer packages that will give even more depending on the season and the sport. Direct TV offers an NFL Package so you can see EVERY game on Sunday. There are Nascar packages, Baseball Packages, Golf Packages, Basketball Packages, and more.
I refuse to by the packages (priced at hundred of dollars for the season), so Jeff has to suffer with the dozens of channels he already has, poor guy. Anyway, I find it crazy that he and many men watch so many sports, even ones they don't really care about or like. For instance Jeff is a baseball, football, car racing, golf guy. He doesn't really follow basketball, tennis, motor-cross, winter sports, and other miscellaneous. But when desperation sets in and nothing else can be found he suddenly sparks an interest in one of these sports which are obscure in our household. Its not uncommon for me to wake up at 5 a.m. when he is have a difficult time sleeping and to see tennis, or water polo or some some other oddity on TV. Even in the sports he follows, there are occasionally games and events that he doesn't like or want to watch, but...and here's the crazy obsessive part....even if he has no interest, just because he needs his sports fix, he will watch anyway.
You may wonder what sparked this whole blog, well it was the Ryders Cup. Yes, for those who don't already know, this is a golf tournament played in which Americans compete against the Europeans. There are a series of rounds which include teams, couples, and singles and at the end they determine who is best, Americans or Europeans. Jeff has stated many times how much he hates this event, and yet, when he could find no other sport to occupy his time, he watched it anyway. Its the equivalent of me saying I hate Southpark and then sitting down to watch a 3 day marathon of it.
I've acclimated to the sports enthusiast Jeff is, and I can even embrace it in measure. I join him in his football picks each season and have even won in the past. I don't mind a little sport in my life and even surprise myself and Jeff when I know a little about it in conversation now and again. When I get bored, I grab a book or find something else to entertain myself with. The only thing I don't understand and I lose patience with is the need to watch a sport or event just for the sake of watching sports. If you have no interest, no desire to keep up with it, then why waste your time.
Are most men like this?
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
What not to do in an Elevator
Anyone who knows anything about me, knows I am claustrophobic, and Elevators and I are not simpatico. I have a love hate relationship with elevators and its mutual.
I love Elevators because they can take me 2 stories, 10 stories, 30 stories high, and it's quick and requires relatively little thought and effort. I hate the cramped space in elevators, the sounds of the cables squealing with exertion as they lift and lower their loads, the loss of respect for personal space by people who squeeze into an obviously already full elevator, and the ever present threat of a breakdown. Being stuck in an elevator between floors for any amount of time, is worse than any horror movie I have ever watched and believe me I have watched them all, including ones about elevators.
I find it hysterical that most people view an elevator as a moment of privacy where they can chose to do things they wouldn't do in front of others. They forget, that almost every venue, every hotel, every office building, every sports and entertainment complex, every shopping center, are all covered and monitored by ....take a guess... you know this answer.....that's right cameras.
So here are a few things not to do in an elevator:
You might ask how I know about some of these things and I will simply plead the fifth. Perhaps they happened to me or someone I know. I'll never tell.
I love Elevators because they can take me 2 stories, 10 stories, 30 stories high, and it's quick and requires relatively little thought and effort. I hate the cramped space in elevators, the sounds of the cables squealing with exertion as they lift and lower their loads, the loss of respect for personal space by people who squeeze into an obviously already full elevator, and the ever present threat of a breakdown. Being stuck in an elevator between floors for any amount of time, is worse than any horror movie I have ever watched and believe me I have watched them all, including ones about elevators.
I find it hysterical that most people view an elevator as a moment of privacy where they can chose to do things they wouldn't do in front of others. They forget, that almost every venue, every hotel, every office building, every sports and entertainment complex, every shopping center, are all covered and monitored by ....take a guess... you know this answer.....that's right cameras.
So here are a few things not to do in an elevator:
- Don't adjust and fix that super sonic wedgie. The security guards in the tunnel can SEE you and are laughing uproariously as you do and pausing and replaying it for pure entertainment reasons. That might explain that funny look you've been receiving as you go through the turn-styles every night.
- Contrary to the prose in Fifty Shades of Gray, having sex or performing any sexual act in an elevator is not discreet, or secretive. Once again, they can SEE you. I've been to the Heathman Hotel in downtown Portland (yes the very same) and I've been in the elevators, and I can assure you, there are cameras. Keep the intimate acts in the confines of your home or bedroom unless your shooting for that voyeuristic and exhibitionist motif.
- Don't twirl around in the elevator to see if your new dress/skirt will twirl like a 50's movie star. A friend of mine did this and stumbled due to the force of gravity and stubbed her toe and tore her big toe nail off. OUCH! Right? And guess what? They can SEE you.
- When you drop anything in a moving elevator something about the force of gravity messes with your head and when you bend over to pick it up, all the blood rushes to your ears and head and you fall down. Its true, don't ask how I know, just trust that I do. And guess what? Those security guards are still laughing because the can SEE you.
- Wrapping it up, don't use the mirrored walls to style your hair or do your makeup or check your teeth. Don't pick and eat your boogers, don't scratch you groin or your hiney, and don't pick the crumbs from lunch out of your cleavage. THEY CAN SEE!
You might ask how I know about some of these things and I will simply plead the fifth. Perhaps they happened to me or someone I know. I'll never tell.
What is the Price of Friendship?
I have been fortunate throughout my life to have found many wonderful people who I am honored to call friends. So..What is the Price of Friendship, thats a really hard question to answer , because my immediate response is that there is no price. Friendship, TRUE friendship is priceless.
I consider myself fiercely loyal and intensely protective of those in my inner circle and radiating outwards. As a friend there is nothing I won't do to help, if it is within my powers. I am not affluent enough to loan money to people, and I am of the beleif that money is rarely if ever the root of the problem. If you can solve the riddle and find the real source of an issue, then the economics will resolve themselves. You've heard the saying , "You can lead a horse to water...". I cherish my friendships, each one is different and special in its own realm. Thus, I am the friend who is there night or day if you need an ear, a shoulder, some sage advice, assistance emotionally or physically or educationally. If you just need to talk, my ears are yours. If you need to cry, my shoulders are strong and I'll bring tissues. If you need advice, I will impart what wisdom I have without limit and without judgement. If you need help moving, or shopping, or cleaning, call me, I will put on my grubbies and come help. If you are sick and in need of a meal, I can provide. If you need help learning the computer, understanding your technology, or figuring out your finances, I am happy to help and provide what ever direction you ask for. I will never intrude or assume I am needed, but if you simply ask I will answer.
Without my priceless friends, there are many times in my life that would have been much harder, much sadder, much darker. I am grateful and I cherish each one.
Unfortunately, there are a few who have come and gone, and I am sure there will be others, who don't view friendship as priceless. They see it as opportunistic. Friends to these people are a means to an end. They are valued for what they can give to the recipient, and once that value is depleted then the friendship is dissolved. Friends to this group are disposable. And it makes me sad because I have been their friend and saw them as priceless.
What is the price of friendship? For some it's a job promotion stolen through a knife in the back after absorbing knowledge and valuable mentoring. For some it's money, stolen or misused, rather $5, $80, or $500, it is money taken unintended and without regard. For some its a boyfriend, or a best friend, or a husband. It could be clothing borrowed, belongings taken, or a hurtful harsh exchange of words not forgiven. For me, friendship, however complicated, however many come and go, will always be priceless. I will always give my best, give my all, give my heart.
Some will break it, some will cherish it, some will simply fade away, and others will last forever.
I consider myself fiercely loyal and intensely protective of those in my inner circle and radiating outwards. As a friend there is nothing I won't do to help, if it is within my powers. I am not affluent enough to loan money to people, and I am of the beleif that money is rarely if ever the root of the problem. If you can solve the riddle and find the real source of an issue, then the economics will resolve themselves. You've heard the saying , "You can lead a horse to water...". I cherish my friendships, each one is different and special in its own realm. Thus, I am the friend who is there night or day if you need an ear, a shoulder, some sage advice, assistance emotionally or physically or educationally. If you just need to talk, my ears are yours. If you need to cry, my shoulders are strong and I'll bring tissues. If you need advice, I will impart what wisdom I have without limit and without judgement. If you need help moving, or shopping, or cleaning, call me, I will put on my grubbies and come help. If you are sick and in need of a meal, I can provide. If you need help learning the computer, understanding your technology, or figuring out your finances, I am happy to help and provide what ever direction you ask for. I will never intrude or assume I am needed, but if you simply ask I will answer.
Without my priceless friends, there are many times in my life that would have been much harder, much sadder, much darker. I am grateful and I cherish each one.
Unfortunately, there are a few who have come and gone, and I am sure there will be others, who don't view friendship as priceless. They see it as opportunistic. Friends to these people are a means to an end. They are valued for what they can give to the recipient, and once that value is depleted then the friendship is dissolved. Friends to this group are disposable. And it makes me sad because I have been their friend and saw them as priceless.
What is the price of friendship? For some it's a job promotion stolen through a knife in the back after absorbing knowledge and valuable mentoring. For some it's money, stolen or misused, rather $5, $80, or $500, it is money taken unintended and without regard. For some its a boyfriend, or a best friend, or a husband. It could be clothing borrowed, belongings taken, or a hurtful harsh exchange of words not forgiven. For me, friendship, however complicated, however many come and go, will always be priceless. I will always give my best, give my all, give my heart.
Some will break it, some will cherish it, some will simply fade away, and others will last forever.
Boot Season
Fall is finally here. The temperatures have cooled, the breezes blow, the leaves are changing as the trees begin to fell their dressings, harvest is in the air. Pumpkin patches spring up everywhere, corn mazes are open for the adventurous and haunted houses open their doors to welcome this years victims.
Soon my front yard will become a graveyard once again with tombstones and a coffin to boot as trick-or-treating kids bravely venture in with the hopes of candy rewards.
But the best part about fall, is BOOTS! I get to pack away all of my gladiator sandals and break out the Boots. Oh how I've missed them. There are my Red Suede and my Blue Suede, my grape apes, all my shades of brown, black and gray. I can wait to see if I can find an orange or a green to add to them this year.
Boots are the best. Not only are they fashionable, but functional too. They support my week ankles, and keep my toes warm. They can be won with skirts, dresses, and pants!
Coming soon! It's time to pack up my summer hats and bring out the winter, but first....I think I'll share some boots with all of you.
Soon my front yard will become a graveyard once again with tombstones and a coffin to boot as trick-or-treating kids bravely venture in with the hopes of candy rewards.
Boots are the best. Not only are they fashionable, but functional too. They support my week ankles, and keep my toes warm. They can be won with skirts, dresses, and pants!
Coming soon! It's time to pack up my summer hats and bring out the winter, but first....I think I'll share some boots with all of you.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Surrogate Mom - by Proxy
Over the years my sons have had many friends. I have created an atmosphere in my home, where the boys know that their friends are always welcome and home is a safe and comfortable zone.
I only have two children, it was a deliberate choice, and one I stand by. But through the years there are times I feel like I've had dozens more even though they don't live with me and I (thank the higher powers) did not give birth to them. Have you experienced this?
As a divorced and single mom for the past 9 years, its important to me that I keep a good relationship with my boys and that I extend the open lines of communication to their friends. The best way I can be a good mom, is to know my children and know their friends.
I have opened my heart and home to many of their friends and even those that are far away, still hold a special place in the history of our little family. Here are just a few.
Cody was a sweet boy with enormous spirit and energy. He spent a lot of weekends with us and many days of summer. For a kid, he could pass gas like a man. :) You wouldn't want to share a room with him while he slept , what with the snores and flagellation, but the smile he always shared when he was awake was worth it.
Antony was a challenge, he was a good kid but his curiosity and lack of logic frequently got him trouble.
Joseph was a great kid, he was true to himself and unique. No matter where his path takes him, he will remain a thread in the fabric of our lives.
Chris was an actor at heart. He was a prankster and always made me smile. He brought out a playful side in others. He was a bit of a picky eater, but then I'm used to that. He went on family vacations more than once and I truly miss his spirit in our home.
George still makes me smile. He spoke in the third person always and had an appetite like nobody I've ever met. George was a unique and fun. He was another one of my boys, and we miss him. He moved to Pennsylvania after he graduated High School. I know that George will do big things with his life and I hope he gets the chance to visit us soon
Nick is like one of my own. He spends a lot of time with us, and I have no complaints. He is funny and quirky and he is stands by his beliefs. He has a great family life and it shows. He calls me mom, and I consider him just one of mine. I can't imagine there will be a day when he won't be a part of our family.
John is one my favorites, if that's allowed. He too is just one of my sons. He comes and he goes with freedom. He calls me mom, and I am proud to share that title. He is unique and strong and determined and responsible, and he brings balance wherever he goes. He will always be a part of our family and, much like Nick, I can't imagine there will ever be a day he isn't there.
There are a few girls too but a only a few worth mentioning (remember girls, my heart is open to you and you are always welcome, UNLESS you hurt one of my boys, break his heart, and your out. Sorry, its a mother lion thing).
Sarah was a like sister to the boys and and stayed with us for a few months. She calls me mom. She has struggled in the past to find her path and her way, but I think she has finally found a way to stand on her own two feet. She seems to be working her way through the labrynth and thats a really good thing.
Jenn, like a baby bird has spread her wings and flown away. She is finding her way and discovering her path in life. She calls me her second mom, and I am proud of the continual progress she makes as she perptually moves forward. She has faced some enormous challenges in her life, but she is strong, determined, and gaining focus every day. I'm proud of her.
Kasey is the love of my oldest sons life. He adores her and its obvious that she returns the feelings. She is patient and kind with him always and she is his biggest fan. I couldn't ask for a more caring and loving woman in his life and if I had a crystal ball and could see into the future, Kasey would be there at every stage.
I only have two children, it was a deliberate choice, and one I stand by. But through the years there are times I feel like I've had dozens more even though they don't live with me and I (thank the higher powers) did not give birth to them. Have you experienced this?
As a divorced and single mom for the past 9 years, its important to me that I keep a good relationship with my boys and that I extend the open lines of communication to their friends. The best way I can be a good mom, is to know my children and know their friends.
I have opened my heart and home to many of their friends and even those that are far away, still hold a special place in the history of our little family. Here are just a few.
Cody was a sweet boy with enormous spirit and energy. He spent a lot of weekends with us and many days of summer. For a kid, he could pass gas like a man. :) You wouldn't want to share a room with him while he slept , what with the snores and flagellation, but the smile he always shared when he was awake was worth it.
Antony was a challenge, he was a good kid but his curiosity and lack of logic frequently got him trouble.
Joseph was a great kid, he was true to himself and unique. No matter where his path takes him, he will remain a thread in the fabric of our lives.
Chris was an actor at heart. He was a prankster and always made me smile. He brought out a playful side in others. He was a bit of a picky eater, but then I'm used to that. He went on family vacations more than once and I truly miss his spirit in our home.
George still makes me smile. He spoke in the third person always and had an appetite like nobody I've ever met. George was a unique and fun. He was another one of my boys, and we miss him. He moved to Pennsylvania after he graduated High School. I know that George will do big things with his life and I hope he gets the chance to visit us soon
Nick is like one of my own. He spends a lot of time with us, and I have no complaints. He is funny and quirky and he is stands by his beliefs. He has a great family life and it shows. He calls me mom, and I consider him just one of mine. I can't imagine there will be a day when he won't be a part of our family.
John is one my favorites, if that's allowed. He too is just one of my sons. He comes and he goes with freedom. He calls me mom, and I am proud to share that title. He is unique and strong and determined and responsible, and he brings balance wherever he goes. He will always be a part of our family and, much like Nick, I can't imagine there will ever be a day he isn't there.
There are a few girls too but a only a few worth mentioning (remember girls, my heart is open to you and you are always welcome, UNLESS you hurt one of my boys, break his heart, and your out. Sorry, its a mother lion thing).
Sarah was a like sister to the boys and and stayed with us for a few months. She calls me mom. She has struggled in the past to find her path and her way, but I think she has finally found a way to stand on her own two feet. She seems to be working her way through the labrynth and thats a really good thing.
Jenn, like a baby bird has spread her wings and flown away. She is finding her way and discovering her path in life. She calls me her second mom, and I am proud of the continual progress she makes as she perptually moves forward. She has faced some enormous challenges in her life, but she is strong, determined, and gaining focus every day. I'm proud of her.
Kasey is the love of my oldest sons life. He adores her and its obvious that she returns the feelings. She is patient and kind with him always and she is his biggest fan. I couldn't ask for a more caring and loving woman in his life and if I had a crystal ball and could see into the future, Kasey would be there at every stage.
Equal Rights for ALL
It's so hard to believe and even fathom that in the year 2012, we are still debating and toggling back and forth over equal rights for ALL.
We have moved from equal rights for all races, to equal rights for men AND women, but we still haven't embraced and built the infrastructure for equal rights based on creed and sexual preference. I shouldn't be surprised, given that out prior efforts and commitment to equality for women and or based on race are not actually embraced wholeheartedly from top to bottom throughout this country. Women, though many are breadwinners in their respective households, still make less than their male counterparts. And race remains an issue in many parts of the country. So why should I be surprised that acceptance and rights for people of different sexual preferences and freedom from persecution based on religion, are absent. They are ideas, supported by many, but not enforceable. We still debate the legalities of same sex marriage and health coverage for domestic partners. We still see prejudice and cruelty towards others who are Muslim, Buddhist, and even Jewish.
Are we so closed minded, and devolved that we can't observe and recognize the damage we do by segregating and isolating the basic rights as a country which should be available to all?
Rather you agree with the choices of your neighbor or not, they are still your neighbor. I have an amazing and diverse group of friends and acquaintances and I love each of them for the person they are. Gay or Straight, Buddhist or Mormon, they are all people, they should all have rights and freedoms, and they should all be treated to EQUALITY. Marry who you love, worship what you believe, and RESPECT always those around you. Its not up to me to judge or decide who is worthy and who is not. I don't have the answers and neither do you. The best I can do, is to love without limit and support the RIGHT of everyone else to do the same.
When you have the opportunity to speak up and fight for whats right, do it. . Step off that moral high horse generations before us built, and look at your neighbor, your friend, your brother, your cousin, your co-worker, your child, your parent, yourself...underneath all that is different and unique, you are the same, human, and worthy of Respect and equality and the freedom to be who you are.
We have moved from equal rights for all races, to equal rights for men AND women, but we still haven't embraced and built the infrastructure for equal rights based on creed and sexual preference. I shouldn't be surprised, given that out prior efforts and commitment to equality for women and or based on race are not actually embraced wholeheartedly from top to bottom throughout this country. Women, though many are breadwinners in their respective households, still make less than their male counterparts. And race remains an issue in many parts of the country. So why should I be surprised that acceptance and rights for people of different sexual preferences and freedom from persecution based on religion, are absent. They are ideas, supported by many, but not enforceable. We still debate the legalities of same sex marriage and health coverage for domestic partners. We still see prejudice and cruelty towards others who are Muslim, Buddhist, and even Jewish.
Are we so closed minded, and devolved that we can't observe and recognize the damage we do by segregating and isolating the basic rights as a country which should be available to all?
Rather you agree with the choices of your neighbor or not, they are still your neighbor. I have an amazing and diverse group of friends and acquaintances and I love each of them for the person they are. Gay or Straight, Buddhist or Mormon, they are all people, they should all have rights and freedoms, and they should all be treated to EQUALITY. Marry who you love, worship what you believe, and RESPECT always those around you. Its not up to me to judge or decide who is worthy and who is not. I don't have the answers and neither do you. The best I can do, is to love without limit and support the RIGHT of everyone else to do the same.
When you have the opportunity to speak up and fight for whats right, do it. . Step off that moral high horse generations before us built, and look at your neighbor, your friend, your brother, your cousin, your co-worker, your child, your parent, yourself...underneath all that is different and unique, you are the same, human, and worthy of Respect and equality and the freedom to be who you are.
Monday, October 1, 2012
First step...Wash your hair
I've always thought it would be really cool to start my own consulting business teaching interview skills to people in search of employment. Almost every interview I have ever had ended in a subsequent offer. I didn't always accept the positions , due to economics, atmosphere, geography, etc. but 98% of the time I get the offer. So I deduced that I must be doing something right, Right?
Now the reality is, I could never make this actually happen,. I need a steady reliable income, not one that fluctuates and is hard to predict. So I sit back and I quietly observe. Its true, I CAN be quiet when I try. :)
Here are some of my observations and recommendations.
1. Have a Resume. Very important these days. Few employers actually have applications, most run off of resume's. Those that still have applications also request a resume. However having a resume isn't enough. Take care to pay attention to the following:
If you need further advice, you can always ask me. I'm all about helping others. :)
Now the reality is, I could never make this actually happen,. I need a steady reliable income, not one that fluctuates and is hard to predict. So I sit back and I quietly observe. Its true, I CAN be quiet when I try. :)
Here are some of my observations and recommendations.
1. Have a Resume. Very important these days. Few employers actually have applications, most run off of resume's. Those that still have applications also request a resume. However having a resume isn't enough. Take care to pay attention to the following:
- Spell Check!!!! Don't look like a boob before you even get out of the starting gate. There are 300 applicants for that job you want and if your resume has spelling and grammatical errors that are glaring, its going straight to the round file, garbage, city dump, you know what I mean? SPELL CHECK!
- Be creative but be honest! Don't claim to be the head of neurosurgery if you were only a candy striper. Background checks are standard practice these days and they include, criminal history, credit checks, and education checks. Be as creative as you want, but BE HONEST.
- First step - WASH YOUR HAIR! That greasy pile on top of your head (this goes for both boys and girls) is unacceptable, unappealing, and unemployable. Did a family of squirrels make a nest up there? I'm all for preserving wildlife, and I love squirrels, just not in your hair. Do you own a comb? Seriously, A little shampoo and a hairbrush can make all the difference. WASH YOUR HAIR1
- Shower - Please? For the love of God, shower. You can't hide the smell of armpit and stinky feet with cologne or perfume (girls and boys). So shower, even if its only once a week and for your interview, shower. Be as Greenpeace as you want after you get hired, and I will pray that your desk is far from mine (I don't do well with bad odors), but for today SHOWER!
- Wear clean clothes that fit and are in good repair. For the boys, pull your pants up, wear a belt, don't show me your boxers, a nice button down shirt is preferred but if you must wear a t-shirt underneath, make sure its not offensive, no curse words, no sexist symbolism or quips. I'm not saying change who you are, but tone it down, be a more conservative you. For the girls, no torn tights, or to tight dresses or too short skirts, and watch the perfume, (and cologne guys) don't bathe in it.
- Again - Wash your Hair. I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but you know those dreadlocks your sporting freak people out right? You remember how you got them? You know, not washing your hair, natural oils, all that grossness. Have you ever smelled your head? It's not pretty. Don't get me wrong, its great if you want to be that hippie guy dressed in your bohemian chic, sitting in the square playing your guitar for coins. But for a career, it may be time to WASH YOUR HAIR!
If you need further advice, you can always ask me. I'm all about helping others. :)
Tipping (No cows allowed)
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the expectations surrounding tipping standards when eating out.
The standard was, until relatively recently, 10% of the bill before tax IF the service was good. I, as the consumer and dinner guest, as it were, have the right to expect reasonably good service in exchange for a tip at the end of the meal. This is a way of saying "thank you" to my waiter/waitress for taking such good care of me and my parties needs throughout our eating experience. Some of the requirements of good service, mean a certain attentiveness without being intrusive and rude. Drink refills without waiting or having to beg on water, tea and soda. Getting my food order correct, including any limitations or additions. It means a smile and an attitude, that says, "I'm here, I'm looking over you and making sure you enjoy yourself with little effort. Just eat and enjoy".
More and more, I am observing a drastic shift in my restaurant experiences and it isn't pleasant. There as an expectation now of 20% tip on every bill and the service provided is frequently substandard at best. There is also an attitude of entitlement and lack of ethics and pride in the jobs these individuals do. I am so dissatisfied, that one by one I find myself banning restaurants from my list of places to go, based on bad service and bad food alone.
The price of the meals have increased in line with inflation and I can accept that. If I want to eat out, I have to be o.k. with the premium I pay for the meal. The portions of food for these increased premiums have decreased. Portions are much smaller its true, but I am o.k. with this too, after-all portion control is healthy right?
Here is where I am not o.k. The service industry has seen the same increase in minimum wage/base pay as everyone else. So if you do a little basic math, and assume that the waiter who can't seem to bring you water throughout your meal and brought you a well done steak instead of medium rare, makes $8.95 hour for sub-par service, then on top of that there is a demand on you the consumer to leave him a 15-20% tip just for doing his basic job, poorly I might add. Now your bill is $40 so he gets $8 (at 20%). He serves -10 tables in an hour and makes on average a12% tip because people are as stingy as I am when they get bad service. If those ten tables average $40 ea. and he only receives 12% which is considered scrooge and miserly, he would make $48/hr plus his minimum wage placing him at $56/hr. If he earned his full 20%? WOW he would earn a whopping $89/hr.
Now I'm not denying the service industry is tough, it has its ups and downs, but really? Really? I bust my rump everyday for 10 hours turning out a high performance and work quality, and I make a fraction of this.
Here is the bottom line, and you might never want to eat out with me again after you read this, but at most, I will leave a 15% tip and that is for AMAZING service. My standard remains at 10% and if service is really poor you might see 5% or nothing at all. The waiter and waitress are not entitled to my hard earned money just because someone somewhere established a totally random expectation. Take good care of me, get my order right, keep my drinks filled , and bring my appetizer, salad, and dinner at appropriate intervals, and you will get a decent tip. Fail on any of these and your tip declines exponentially as each failure compounds throughout the meal. Also, your service is not over Until the bill has been paid. Giving good service up until the bill and then leaving me sitting for 20 minutes waiting for you to process payment while I am ready to leave, is a great way to decrease and even lose your tip.
I can be reasonable, kind, gracious, and warm. But I work hard for my money, you should too.
The standard was, until relatively recently, 10% of the bill before tax IF the service was good. I, as the consumer and dinner guest, as it were, have the right to expect reasonably good service in exchange for a tip at the end of the meal. This is a way of saying "thank you" to my waiter/waitress for taking such good care of me and my parties needs throughout our eating experience. Some of the requirements of good service, mean a certain attentiveness without being intrusive and rude. Drink refills without waiting or having to beg on water, tea and soda. Getting my food order correct, including any limitations or additions. It means a smile and an attitude, that says, "I'm here, I'm looking over you and making sure you enjoy yourself with little effort. Just eat and enjoy".
More and more, I am observing a drastic shift in my restaurant experiences and it isn't pleasant. There as an expectation now of 20% tip on every bill and the service provided is frequently substandard at best. There is also an attitude of entitlement and lack of ethics and pride in the jobs these individuals do. I am so dissatisfied, that one by one I find myself banning restaurants from my list of places to go, based on bad service and bad food alone.
The price of the meals have increased in line with inflation and I can accept that. If I want to eat out, I have to be o.k. with the premium I pay for the meal. The portions of food for these increased premiums have decreased. Portions are much smaller its true, but I am o.k. with this too, after-all portion control is healthy right?
Here is where I am not o.k. The service industry has seen the same increase in minimum wage/base pay as everyone else. So if you do a little basic math, and assume that the waiter who can't seem to bring you water throughout your meal and brought you a well done steak instead of medium rare, makes $8.95 hour for sub-par service, then on top of that there is a demand on you the consumer to leave him a 15-20% tip just for doing his basic job, poorly I might add. Now your bill is $40 so he gets $8 (at 20%). He serves -10 tables in an hour and makes on average a12% tip because people are as stingy as I am when they get bad service. If those ten tables average $40 ea. and he only receives 12% which is considered scrooge and miserly, he would make $48/hr plus his minimum wage placing him at $56/hr. If he earned his full 20%? WOW he would earn a whopping $89/hr.
Now I'm not denying the service industry is tough, it has its ups and downs, but really? Really? I bust my rump everyday for 10 hours turning out a high performance and work quality, and I make a fraction of this.
Here is the bottom line, and you might never want to eat out with me again after you read this, but at most, I will leave a 15% tip and that is for AMAZING service. My standard remains at 10% and if service is really poor you might see 5% or nothing at all. The waiter and waitress are not entitled to my hard earned money just because someone somewhere established a totally random expectation. Take good care of me, get my order right, keep my drinks filled , and bring my appetizer, salad, and dinner at appropriate intervals, and you will get a decent tip. Fail on any of these and your tip declines exponentially as each failure compounds throughout the meal. Also, your service is not over Until the bill has been paid. Giving good service up until the bill and then leaving me sitting for 20 minutes waiting for you to process payment while I am ready to leave, is a great way to decrease and even lose your tip.
I can be reasonable, kind, gracious, and warm. But I work hard for my money, you should too.
Drama Queen/King - Inspired
Today's post is about the term "Drama Queen/King". This was truly inspired by a conversation I had recently and I realized it would be really fun to write about.
What is a Drama Queen/King? Well the Free Miriam Webster Dictionary defines it as "a person given to often excessively emotional performances or reactions". Urban Dictionary gives a similar, though slightly different, phrasing "1. An overly dramatic person. 2. Someone who turns something unimportant into a major deal. Someone who blows things way out of proportion when ever the chance is given" The Urban dictionary had a third definition, but I thought it a little too crude to re-post. :)
Psychologists might describe a drama queen or king as a neurotic personality with histrionic tendencies, meaning they tend to become needlessly dramatic. The psychiatric definition of Narcissism will frequently apply to the Drama Queen/King, but not always.
Bands like Greenday, Neurosonic, and Family Force 5, have written songs about Drama Queens, and provided their own expanded definitions and examples. It's become a mainstream term for the overly dramatic, quick to react with extreme emotion individual
We all know a Drama Queen/King. They are the people who over react to everything in life good or bad. When you say something they automatically assume you are referring to them. They have a need to think the world revolves around their very being. That the universe exists for them and everything that happens is about them, by them, or for them. Nothing is ever simple, its either the end of the world and they are the victim, or its the best thing since sliced cheese and they had something to do with it and want credit and acclaim.
The drama queen/king is typically used to describe a female, but trust me, I know plenty of men who fit into the catagory as well. :) Thus the King monaker.
The older I get, the less room and patience I have in my life for Drama. Thus if/when I come across this person I am quick to cut ties and run the other way. I understand that we all have a "Drama" moment in our lives, be honest, its true! But don't let every moment be drama. People don't like it. They may tolerate it, for a while, but they don't like it and you may soon (and frequently) find yourself in need of new friends.
The universe is vast, remember that. It doesn't revolve around you, unless you are an enormous ball of gas ( I know a few who may fit the bill), then maybe.....Not everything I say is about you, or for you. Trust me, someone who reads this will think it is about them. Let me just say it's not about you, trust me, its really not..... (this time). :)
What is a Drama Queen/King? Well the Free Miriam Webster Dictionary defines it as "a person given to often excessively emotional performances or reactions". Urban Dictionary gives a similar, though slightly different, phrasing "1. An overly dramatic person. 2. Someone who turns something unimportant into a major deal. Someone who blows things way out of proportion when ever the chance is given" The Urban dictionary had a third definition, but I thought it a little too crude to re-post. :)
Psychologists might describe a drama queen or king as a neurotic personality with histrionic tendencies, meaning they tend to become needlessly dramatic. The psychiatric definition of Narcissism will frequently apply to the Drama Queen/King, but not always.
Bands like Greenday, Neurosonic, and Family Force 5, have written songs about Drama Queens, and provided their own expanded definitions and examples. It's become a mainstream term for the overly dramatic, quick to react with extreme emotion individual
We all know a Drama Queen/King. They are the people who over react to everything in life good or bad. When you say something they automatically assume you are referring to them. They have a need to think the world revolves around their very being. That the universe exists for them and everything that happens is about them, by them, or for them. Nothing is ever simple, its either the end of the world and they are the victim, or its the best thing since sliced cheese and they had something to do with it and want credit and acclaim.
The drama queen/king is typically used to describe a female, but trust me, I know plenty of men who fit into the catagory as well. :) Thus the King monaker.
The older I get, the less room and patience I have in my life for Drama. Thus if/when I come across this person I am quick to cut ties and run the other way. I understand that we all have a "Drama" moment in our lives, be honest, its true! But don't let every moment be drama. People don't like it. They may tolerate it, for a while, but they don't like it and you may soon (and frequently) find yourself in need of new friends.
The universe is vast, remember that. It doesn't revolve around you, unless you are an enormous ball of gas ( I know a few who may fit the bill), then maybe.....Not everything I say is about you, or for you. Trust me, someone who reads this will think it is about them. Let me just say it's not about you, trust me, its really not..... (this time). :)
Best years of my life
So, I took the weekend off from writing and found I REALLY missed it. So many thoughts swimming around in my head 24/7 , it's actually wonderful having an outlet for them.
Today I was thinking about the phrase "Best years of my life...." I have heard this phrase tossed about frequently relative to the time spent in high school, college, and other very limited windows of opportunity and experience in life.
There are people who get stuck, they stagnate and live mediocre lives because they can't get their head wrapped around today instead of yesterday. I am not one of these people. For me the "Best years of my life" are whatever years I am living right now, in this instance, in this moment! If I assume the best years of my life are behind me, then what do I have to look forward to? Where is my motivation to keep going and to fight through the struggles and challenges? If the best is already over, then why should I give a hoot.
Don't get me wrong, I have some wonderful memories and pockets of time from my life, but I also know that when I take the rose colored glasses off, that every period of our lives is also presented with challenge. Growth and Wisdom opportunities I like to call them. Would I prefer to keep living the same period over and over again like Bill Murray in 'Groundhog Day'? No thank you. Rather I got it right or wrong the first time around, I came through the other side. I made the choices and took the steps to forward mobility. I would not be where I am today without the choices of yesterday. Onward and upward as they say.
I can appreciate sharing fond memories of the past, but don't get trapped like a fly in molasses, remember them, catalog and file them away, and move on.
Today is most important! Whatever you are doing right this second will take you to the next and so on and so on and so on. To move forward, to be joyful and content in who you are today, requires investment. Investment of your time, your heart, and your soul. Make it work.
For me, the "Best years of my life" are always being built from today and tomorrow.
Today I was thinking about the phrase "Best years of my life...." I have heard this phrase tossed about frequently relative to the time spent in high school, college, and other very limited windows of opportunity and experience in life.
There are people who get stuck, they stagnate and live mediocre lives because they can't get their head wrapped around today instead of yesterday. I am not one of these people. For me the "Best years of my life" are whatever years I am living right now, in this instance, in this moment! If I assume the best years of my life are behind me, then what do I have to look forward to? Where is my motivation to keep going and to fight through the struggles and challenges? If the best is already over, then why should I give a hoot.
Don't get me wrong, I have some wonderful memories and pockets of time from my life, but I also know that when I take the rose colored glasses off, that every period of our lives is also presented with challenge. Growth and Wisdom opportunities I like to call them. Would I prefer to keep living the same period over and over again like Bill Murray in 'Groundhog Day'? No thank you. Rather I got it right or wrong the first time around, I came through the other side. I made the choices and took the steps to forward mobility. I would not be where I am today without the choices of yesterday. Onward and upward as they say.
I can appreciate sharing fond memories of the past, but don't get trapped like a fly in molasses, remember them, catalog and file them away, and move on.
Today is most important! Whatever you are doing right this second will take you to the next and so on and so on and so on. To move forward, to be joyful and content in who you are today, requires investment. Investment of your time, your heart, and your soul. Make it work.
For me, the "Best years of my life" are always being built from today and tomorrow.
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