Moms I want to tip my hat to.

In honor of mothers day Yesterday,  I thought today I would pay tribute to two moms I know and admire who inspire me everyday from afar. Let me start by saying that no matter who you are, being mom is a job. It is a 24 hour career choice with limited pay, no room for advancement, and questionable health and retirement benefits.  It is rewarding, but exhausting, demanding with little time for praise and kudos.  Fact is, kudos are deserved all around to all of you, and even if I don't mention you specifically....I have profound admiration for all.

I'm going to start with a past co-worker of mine.  Ember is mom to two young boys. She works a full time job at a dysfunctional and highly stress infected bureau for the City of Portland, and yet....she is a spectacular mom. Her boys take top priority in her life and she goes the extra mile every day. Sleepless nights are often the norm, but she has a solid partner in her husband and they manage parenthood as a fully engaged team.  I'm certain from all her posts and pics on Facebook that her boys are distant relatives of Looney Toons Tazz, and with all that Irish blood coursing through their veins they are high energy, maximum output until their systems crash each night only to reboot every morning and start all over. Olrek, the youngest, has been likened to Jack Jack in the Incredibles. a likeness, that even from afar, is obvious and clear.  Ember faces each day, each challenge with courage and tenacity and she is all heart and soul when it comes to her family. Work gets their chunk of flesh out of her hide each day, but home and her boys...well nothing can ever take away from the fulfillment they bring. She may be sleep deprived for now and the foreseeable future, but she rocks it well.

My niece Lindsey is mom and military wife.  She has two children who keep her on her toes, and she does it with grace and the patience of an angel. Her husband is often gone for periods of time serving his country and protecting our freedoms, which itself deserves a tip of the hat, but that means Lindsey takes on the full front of parenting at times.  Having been a single mom to two boys for the last ten years, I know how daunting this can be.  But Lindsey never waivers. She is creative and full of the energy it takes to keep up with two children and to always remain calm even in the most stressful of situations.


Being a mom is never easy.  It is tears and laughter. Sleepless nights, meals on the run, and last minute changes. Its cartoons that don't make any sense, hand-prints on the wall, stains on the carpet, and spilled juice on your favorite book. Its cuddles, and kisses, temper tantrums, and colds. Sometimes we face it alone, sometimes we have help. But being a mom is a life style choice that never turns off. It's nuclear and it changes the landscape of everything you know.

A Mom is ALWAYS a Mom...No matter what

Mothers Day is a week from Sunday and I have been thinking a lot lately about what the word Mom means.

We all see and interpret the role differently. There are commonalities that tie us all together in this crazy universal club, but it is our unique differences that make the role both challenging and rewarding all in the same breath.  

Not every woman will become a mom. For some it simply isn't a calling they feel drawn to, and I have mad respect for those who recognize this and avoid trying to force the square peg into the round hole. For others it is a passionate need they yearn for, but nature has its own ideas and they are never given the opportunity to fulfill their desire. Advances in medical science and fertility have helped with this, but its not always an answer and the cost can be prohibitive.

For the majority of women, who are moms, it just happens.  Sometimes by surprise, sometimes well planned, sometimes early in  life, sometimes later. But no matter how it begins, life changes when it happens.

So what is being a mom?  Well....that is THE proverbial can of worms, and a loaded pistol of a question, the short and easiest answer being.....its a lot of everything, both different and the same for all of us.

When they are little, being a mom, is 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.   It is an everyday, every minute job that requires dedication and commitment.  The funny thing about this period is, that this time with this fully reliant dependent being, that you are caring for, and guiding, and teaching, and nurturing....THIS is the easy part...as demanding and time consuming as it is.....This time of growing and learning is the easy stuff. It is as close to textbook as your going to get in your journey, with answers and guidance at every turn.  As tired as you are, the hard stuff comes later when answers are no longer clear and this wonderful person you are teaching to be an independent and strong willed individual with confidence and opinions, becomes his/her own person.

Infancy and toddler-hood, though exhausting, are fun.  Everyday is a day of discovery, but childhood is awesome too.  Being Mom to a kid who has grown into someone who can express thoughts and ask questions, understands logic and the art of negotiation, can be a blast. You can carry on conversations with them. Sometimes you are challenged and you learn through their eyes. They are eager to grow and learn but they still need you.  This is fun.  You still sleep lightly, ready to jump should they wake in the middle of the night, but you are more rested and active and Mom is a role you feel REALLY comfortable in. You don't know it yet,  but the hard stuff is just around the corner, and its painful and mucky, and there are no textbook answers to guide you through. But just like infancy, toddler-hood, and childhood, its a stage. I promise you there is light on the other side. For now, your having fun and Mom just feels right, so roll with it. 

The teen years and the transition to adult hood are SOOOOOOOOOO hard. There are times you just want to cry, throw in the towel, and say I surrender, I can't do this. No matter how great of a kid you have, THIS is the hard part.  They are convinced that they have earned their independence. You are the enemy, trying to hold them back, micro managing every detail of their life.  They see you as a woman unwilling to let them grow up, treating them like a child, getting in the way of what they want to do and where they want to be. Your still Mom, but Mom might as well be a four letter word right now. Some days they like you, especially when they need or want something...a ride, new shoes, money....but most days its not so much. They argue every detail. Those inquisitive conversations you used to share are now debates.  If you say the sky is blue, they will argue the astronomical view of it being black but altered by the radiation of the light from the sun to make it appear blue.  You try to guide them through school, and they bark at you like a rottweiler baring their teeth, not to hover...they've got this covered....they don't need your help managing it...until you get that progress report and you realize......they don't have it under control.

The teen years are tough because they pull away....and you know in your heart they are not fully ready yet, like a cake baking that is still batter in the middle...... There are days you ache, because you love them, and want to see them succeed and excel in life.  You KNOW they have the potential for greatness, and yet....sometimes.....you have to let them fall.  It sucks! You cry silently in secret. You take the hate, because you know underneath it all, there is love. You have good days, days that make you smile and make you proud, but you have really hard days too. THIS is when you realize, how easy those two hours feedings and diapers really were.

But this too passes, and in the end, suddenly a whole person emerges. An adult who is strong and resilient. Who struggles, but triumphs. An adult who remembers who you are and how much you mean to them. You are MOM. You have been there, without fail, through the good and the bad, and whatever lies ahead they KNOW they can count on you to ALWAYS lift them up and love them. You are the one constant that never changed, and they know it, and they love you for it.

MOM has its stages. Each is important, critical to the end result. Mom is a life long journey, from the cradle to the grave. And for those who choose it.....who really want it....and find it not just a fantasy but an eyes wide open ready to roll reality.........Its worth it! The good, the bad, the ugly. Its worth it! I have one newly baptized in adulthood, and one still in the muck of transition, but its worth every tear, every smile, every hug, and every sleepless night. I am Mom, I will always be Mom, and Its a life well lived and full of joy.

Farmers market - Fuzzy Fruit

One of my favorite weekly outings is Jeff and my Saturday morning trip to the Farmers Market.  Sometimes this can be in the form of one of those makeshift pop up locations where farmers from all over the region bring their freshly picked bounty to sell, but most often, especially in the off season, its the Market on the Corner of 162nd and Glisan in Southeast Portland.  I love that place.

We pick up fresh apples each week, pink lady's or honey crisp, and fresh oranges. When in season we look forward to fresh firm crispy nectarines and plums.  Asparagus is in season now and I make sure to always have it on hand as well as a healthy artichoke. Green bananas are a must so that as they yellow through the week they never reach that brown stage where they are nothing but mush and attract fruit flies. Melons are a must, when available, as is fresh white corn.

I enjoy the smells of the farmers market as well as the colors. Its a bit of a playground for me. 

I realized how well matched Jeff and I are this week, amongst our many other commonalities, when we were at the market and it suddenly hit me that he never goes for the things I don't go for.  I never paid attention to it before, not really. I just sort of took it for granted that we wanted the same things when we went. But was he not asking for Peaches because I didn't go for them, or because he didn't want them?

It turns out we are once again perfectly matched in this area.  I asked him about the fruits and veggies we never seem to buy, and discovered it wasn't just me bypassing them, it was him too.

Neither of us likes Fuzzy fruit or veggies. If it has fur like peaches, apricots, or kiwi, we walk on by. Peaches in a can are great, not just because they are sweet, but because the fur is gone. Bottom line for us, food wearing a fur coat is a must say no.

We pass on Kiwi for other reasons too though....its gritty. Much like the pear, it feels like you dropped it in the sand at the beach and rolled it around before you took a bite.  We don't like the texture and grit of kiwi and pears. Pears and Kiwi smell awesome, they make for great shampoo, hand soap, air fresheners, and body wash, but the grit means no grinding on the tasty fruit for us.

We don't buy Rhubarb, or bok choy, or brussel sprouts. We like broccoli and cauliflower, turnips, radishes, and sweet peas. We like Strawberries and boysenberries but are not wild about raspberries or blueberries.  Some of the things we find are fascinating to look at, but stick with what we know.

This weekend we will plant our own mini farmers market in our back yard.  Our bevy will include lettuce of three varieties, artichokes, purple cauliflower, bell peppers - green and yellow, and an array of peppers for pickling. YES...peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, and boy are they yummy in a fresh homemade batch of chili on a cold winters night.

Film strips....an era gone by?

 

I recently bought a new camera and realized in doing so that somewhere in my sleep the world has gone digital. Gone are the days of actual film and processing. Everything is done on a computer now with no need for technique and talent, just a pricey camera and a good software program. The truth is, that even though its exciting to know I can get that awesome shot without a lot of wasted film and money, it makes me sad to see the days of film fade away. Sometimes you appreciate things more when you invest hard work, blood, sweat, and tears in them.

I worked in a Kodak processing lab in the early 2000's.  I learned the art of commercial processing but also the technique and skill of custom processing and restoration.  I had an employee discount on film so I bought a lot of it and shot a plethora of pictures.  I still have all the negatives in boxes in my attic. I had three different cameras and I was always shooting pictures.One of my favorite camera was made by Kodak and it shot Panoramics. They were so cool. I did scrapbooking for a while and people always oodled and awed at the panoramics.

Anyway, there is something magical about standing in a dark room, the smell of the chemicals, the feel of the paper, and the gradual appearance of the image in paper. Its a technique and talent swiftly gone by, and its sad.

I love my new DSLR, but I get a little nostalgic for the traditional photos of the days before digital. Looking at print sheets and choosing which 10 photos out of a hundred I was in love with.  Choosing the right film speed, and winding to the next frame.  The waiting to see how they all turned out instead of the instantaneous gratification we now get.

Photo processing booths and kiosk in the parking lots of your local supermarket have all been replaced with coffee houses. Most kids under the age of 20 have never even heard of film. Even the movies are all shot in digital these days.  No more reels.

I guess progress can;t be stopped, and its always about moving forward, like the VHS tape, and the cassette, and vinyl, sometimes we have to let things go. But in the process we sacrifice some of the skill, and art, and passion it takes to be really good at something that suddenly anyone can do.

I love my new camera, and I'm learning all the wonderful things I can do with it, but.....there is something lost in translation when things are to simple.

Overkill.....

Is it just me or does anyone notice that the news stations these days all go in for overkill.  News must be light and hard to come by.  Or at least interesting news.......

I know they have hours to fill and only 15 minutes worth of real information, but my attention span is short and I get bored with the same information recycled and reordered and regurgitated a hundred and one ways.

Much like the need to get the story first, even at the risk of misinformation, they all seem to strive to keep the news alive.  Speculation becomes news worthy even if they have to retract it later.

So I appreciate and sympathize with the victims of the Boston bombing, but I am sick to death of the airtime being given to the perpetrators. If you must keep the news alive on this event, then focus on the stories of those that matter, not those who were seeking their 15 minutes of fame, which by the way... you are delivering to them on a silver platter. I'm sure they are grateful that you have legitimized their agenda.

I guess its suddenly new to have a professional athlete who acknowledges being openly gay, even if his teammates, family, and priest have known it since he was twelve. So what! This is news why? Gay or straight, does it matter? Can they do the job? Is there a difference between yesterday and today in his athleticism?  I think not!!! So I ask again.....This is news why????? The truth is, only a naive and seriously living under a rock individual could possibly assume that there is no such thing as a gay professional athlete. Being gay isn't going to impact rather or not he can throw the ball, make that tackle, sink that shot, or score that run. Are you afraid he's going to walk around the locker room with a boner or dry hump you after he tackles you?  Funny right? Stupid and ridiculous, right? So why is this news?  Stop brow beating the topic and sensationalizing it. There is no difference between gay or straight. If you thought they were a good team player and athlete yesterday, then nothing has changed. Moving on.

It seems this obsessive behavior rules the networks when it comes to nightly news. If you've got something hot off the presses, feel free to shout it to the world. In the meantime, if the story hasn't changed and you have no credible information to build on that might be interesting, then stop regurgitating the same news you told me about yesterday, and last week, and the month before.

News, it seems, has lost it's edge and its original value in our lives. Instead of informing, it is about inciting. My attention span is short and I can get more accurate and concise details from the Jesilnek Offensive than from Katie Couric.

Fictional Life

Have you ever sat in a room with someone telling a story about their life, or read a Facebook posts by someone, and suddenly found yourself in a pause that made you scratch your head and say HUH??? When did that happen?  Was it in an alternate universe or something? I do NOT remember that!

People seem to rewrite the history of their lives....a lot.  The stories grow and change and new details emerge that weren't there before. People are suddenly more interesting, more educated, more traveled. They are kinder, more generous, and more successful. Sometimes I read or listen to people spin their tales and it's like reading a fairy tale.  They have created a fictional life in which they are happy and impressed with themselves and they are hoping others buy into it.

Sadly, reality and truth always have a foundation and miraculous way of creeping back in.  The smoke and mirrors can be wiped away easier than they were created.  False lives fall apart and have more holes in them than the strainer you use to drain your top ramen.  That "college" you attended has no record of your enrollment; That job you had "managing" a team of five, says you were a clerk; You confused the geography about your trip to "Paris" and now we know it was Paris, Oregon; You've never met the "President", unless you count the president of your neighborhood watch group; and that "Two Caret Diamond" your wife wears is really a Cubic Zirconium, but boy does it sparkle.

The only way for you to pull off the hoax of your Fictional Life rewrite is to cut ties with everyone who has ever known you  and start fresh somewhere else where there are no computers or telephones or technology of any kind that would allow for others to perform background checks or contact references. You would have more luck discovering oil in your backyard or devising an economical and commercial way for  interplanetary space travel in your life time.

Your better option is to be honest. About who you are, where you've been, and what you've done. Even the smallest white lie about education, family, work experience, or money will eventually bite you in the ass. Big Brother knows more about you than you know, and so do all the people who knew you "when". 

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.

Booker T. Washington

Time to Be Real.  Leave the Fiction for the books you read and the authors who make it believable.

Finger Pointing

We've all heard the bit about pointing fingers and four pointing right back at you, but I think sometimes in the heat of the moment its forgotten.  The truth is....pointing fingers never gets you anywhere.  It doesn't turn back the clock and reverse whatever was done. It doesn't fix whatever damage was done through the mere magic of pointing and laying blame. Pointing fingers doesn't bring a calm and soothing comfort in moments filled with stress and frustration. Pointing fingers only results in discourse and tension and often times resentment.  And the kicker......usually the finger pointing is false and misleading. When cooler heads prevail, it is more often than not discovered, that the person blamed actually was innocent.

Here's my philosophy.....are you ready.....JUST OWN IT.  If you make a mistake, even it was based on information or influence of others, Just Own It. Ultimately, rather you chose a path because of someone else or not, the end choice was YOURS.  No one can truly make us do anything against our will. There is always a choice.  It may not be easy, or clear, but there is always a choice. That's what Free Will is all about. Things like greed, distraction, fear, desire, and a whole circus of other emotions may cloud your view, but in the end you make the choices that take you where you are and you thereby should own them.

But he said......But she.......Well they........pointing the finger is simply an attempt to exonerate ones self from accountability. In the end, now matter what he..she..or they say or do, you make the choice.

Be humble when you err, proud when you succeed, and grateful when you learn and grow.   You own your successes, so own your blunders too. If you find you are always messing up, then maybe you should take a step back and reassess your decision making processes. Slow down, do your homework, think things through, and chose better.

Rather its work or home, public or private, own your actions and the results they bring. You will have more friends, more love, and more respect for doing so.

Lazy Days

If I were Catholic I would make my way to the closest church, snuggle inside that little wooden booth with the bamboo mesh cutout on the door and ask the Holy Father for his divine forgiveness.  Lucky for me I'm not catholic, because the mere idea of that little booth strikes panic and fear in me as I contemplate the small space and lack of oxygen while the walls close in around me. The only time you will find me in a stall this small, is when I an desperate enough to use a public restroom.  Claustrophobia and confession are a bad combination. As it is...I dodged one of those bullets. :)

So what would I be saying confession for?  Well...it might be a sin, but one I'm pretty sure God won't cast me out to the everlasting burning fires of Hell for.  Its true....I sometimes spend the entire day in my pajamas on the weekend. I have days I never even think about putting on real clothes.  I putter around the house in bare feet, slippers, or socks and a comfy soft pair of pajama bottoms with a color coordinated (sometimes clashing) t-shirt, tank, or Henley.  I confess, I have some truly lazy days.   A good book, a light blanket and cup of tea and I'm in heaven.

Now before you get all high and mighty, judgmental on me. They aren't often. I rarely allow myself the luxury of days like this. The guilt wins out, and I tackle all those pesky chores and errands that I never get to in the work week. Pajamas all day?  The truth is I am more often than not, running not walking through my days trying  to accomplish a million and one things which all seem to need done, NOW!  Its fairly common for my day to start with the alarm at 6:00 a.m. and not end until I sit at 11:30 at night. Even when I'm sitting I am folding laundry, paying bills, mending clothes, helping with homework, or any array of other tasks.  I am multitasking every day, all day. I fall asleep between !:00-2:00 a.m. and wake up at  6:00. This is life and Its never ending and full but down time is rare.
So.......when I find the treasure under the spot marked with giant X I take it. Lazy Days, are a commodity more precious than gold. 

This past weekend I had a Lazy day and I was thinking how mortified my mother and grandmothers would be at the casual I live.  I started my adult life stuck in the societal prison where a woman didn't emerge in the morning from her room (or to use a very archaic term - Dressing Chambers) without being fully polished and pressed, ready for public scrutiny.  Every hair in place, eyelashes mascaraed, and cheeks blushed.  The bed was made and the room was cleaned. You began your day early and were ready to go anywhere the schedule might require. Your nails were manicured, you wore perfume, and eyeliner and lipstick. My first marriage was tough.  The expectations were high and I was naive enough to believe I could sustain them. It may have worked in another time and age when women stayed home, but for the working woman, and eventually mother, this routine is simply not viable. I found in the reboot, it was necessary to make some adjustments. :)

I remember my Grandmothers both, rising early, dressing, making their beds, applying their makeup, and beginning their days. IF, they appeared in their nightclothes it was fully covered by a robe. Most women these days don't even own a robe. We walk around in our Pajamas and Nightshirts freely without hesitation. Modesty has redefined and our ancestry would roll over in their graves if they only knew.

I like my lazy days but there are times I look back and wonder about the formality of life and where it went. Was it my generation who rewrote the rules, or was it a gradual changing of the guard? There are times I think wearing Peignoir sets and regiment would be nice, even if for only a day. But in the big picture, roles are fluid and constantly changing and to survive, we have to sometimes roll with it.  PJ's at noon? Sounds like a good day to me.

Stressers

Anyone who has ever dealt with health, relationship, or financial issues, knows the effects of stress.

Stress , and how we face it, can either make or break us.....Physically, emotionally, and financially.  The irony is that its usually one of the three that is the source or catalyst of our stress.  So how do we avoid it?  The answer is simple...We don't.  I didn't say its "how we avoid it" I said its "how we face it" that either makes us or breaks us. 

Running away and avoidance never works.  Challenges don't simply evaporate like water from a glass. They linger and fester, compound and take root, until we face them. I don't know about you, but I don't have a fairy god mother waiting in the wings to wave her magic wand while singing bippity boppity boo and turn my pumpkin into a chariot.  Life is messy and complicated and takes hard work sometimes, but if you manage it correctly, you gain a lot along the way. Its worth it!

Sometimes we jump in feet first without taking a step back or a deep breath to prepare ourselves for the dive.  Sometimes we miss a step along the way and we make a blunder, or if your like me... many blunders.  The key is keeping your head, not losing it. Accept your setbacks, regroup and redirect, and start again. Dust the dirt off your knees and ass and plant your feet firmly back on the ground. For someone who falls down a lot... I am deeply familiar with this.

Couples face stress all the time. Work, home, bills, kids, money, health, time......it all contributes to the rise and downfall of relationships. So how do we make it work? Forgiveness, Partnership, Fairness.  When things go wrong, remember the old adage "it takes two".  Don't point fingers or lay blame. Instead of seeking "why did this happen", seek instead "how do WE fix this" (notice the capital WE).  Remember that it was love that brought you this far, and love will take you through it.  If you have a true partner, you are better together, stronger, and more capable, than you are apart, broken, and fragmented. Kick your ego to the curb and count on your better half to help bring the two of you through the trials.

I learned this week, that even the most dire of diagnosis can be reversed or sent into a state of  stasis and dormancy,  if we manage our stress and outlook on life.  We can't change whats set in stone or fated to happen but we can influence it by exercising free will. We can accept, learn, and continually grow.  There is no medal to be gained by giving in and surrendering to a challenge.  The longevity of our relationships, health, and money, all depend on our outlook and how we accept and face not just where we are, but where we want to go. 

Its my perogative....

When I started my blog, it was my intention not to make it a love fest about my kids, or my Jeff, or my life.  It was my intention to reveal my thoughts, observations and impressions of the world around me and to expose some of my own oddities and individual perspectives.

Well.....I realize that I surrendered that intention long ago....but guess what....it's my blog, and thus my prerogative to change my mind.  I am a woman after all......(hows that for sexist???).  Way to reinforce all those genre specific characterizations.  LOL

So today, I wanted to simply say Happy Birthday (this past Wednesday the 17th) to my 17 year old son. I , like any good parent keeping up with today's social networking norms, embarrassed him (I'm certain) by referring to him as my "baby" and telling him I loved him on Facebook.  How Dare I?  Well, I figure I am entitled to a few faux paux moments and slips given all the time and sleepless nights I have dedicated over the years.

In all honesty, I really am a very proud mom of both my boys. They are genuinely good people, with solid direction and strong core values in life. They make good choices and weigh their options before acting.  They are not impulsive or easily influenced and I even though that means a little headbutting now and then, as they strive for their independence, it bodes well for their futures.

Wyatt is a strong and fiercely independent young man.  He is focused on his health and staying in good physical shape. He runs 4 events in track and field at his school, and he works out at the gym regularly.  He is competitive and pushes himself to succeed.  He gets good grades (when he focuses) . He expects a great deal out of his life and is working hard to find the direction to make it all happen. 

Wyatt, turned 17 this week and it feels like just yesterday he was born. In the blink of an eye, he grew, he learned and he became this whole person completely his own. I realize that life is fleeting, it passes by at warp speed and we are all left to simply hang on like tail feathers on a kite. There is no pause button or rewind on a DVR, its one take, no do overs.  I am excited to see what lies ahead for Wyatt in the next ten years. I cherish the last 17 years and the memories of  all his accomplishments and foibles. And I cant imagine blinking and missing out on a single second here and now!.

Happy Birthday to my Wyatt.

Just the Facts Ma'am

O.k. so today it's one of those days where I feel like stating my opinion even if it's controversial and not widely embraced. Then again, amongst my peer group, we all seem to be in agreement.

I work for a newspaper, thus, news and the reporting of it is our business. We are taxed with the responsibility to tell the story, and to get it right. In a Newspaper if you put it in print , it better be right or you open yourself up to libel and slander suits.  Details must be vetted and speculation is not encouraged.

So what happens in the translation between reporting the news in print and delivering it on TV.  It would seem that all accountability to get it right BEFORE inciting panic and dread, has flown out the window with bad sheets and yesterdays dirty underwear. (I'm visualizing and people throwing dirty underwear out of brownstone windows in Brooklyn and it isn't pretty).

I shake my head every time a new major news story hits.  Because I know that every news station on television is going to have a different rendition and accounting of the details.  Whats wrong with simply taking a moment to pause and saying "We don't have all the details yet, but we will report them when we do".  Is there such a rush to get the story out first, before the competition, that its worth bastardizing the facts and muddying the waters?  It seems that the race to be out front, has resulted in sensationalism and news that becomes fodder for fiction.

I am willing to wait for the news in order to receive accurate and honest facts.  I don't need a Geraldo Rivera, Jerry Springer esque version of current events. Take me back to the days of the 1960's drama "Dragnet" and give me "just the facts ma'am".

Can we somehow hold these "News" stations and reporters to some level of decency and truth?  When News becomes so squishy that they fill in the details with their own version and interpretation of events, it is no longer journalism but instead the working of a novelist. Imagination is a WONDERFUL thing,  and I encourage it wholeheartedly, just not in my news.

Get the facts straight and true before you tell story. Its o.k. to report the event in general, but leave the details for later when you can really them with some measure of accuracy and truth. 

Finding Joy in Others

Today I was reminded how fulfilling it is to find joy in others.

It started with an e-mail message that simply asked.....

"Have you ever felt like the universe is falling into place?"

As I read on, I experienced warmth and comfort spread like wild fire in my veins, coursing throughout my body. I realized that I was smiling without even thinking about it.  Understanding the peace and calm of someone else, had brought the same to me, and I was overjoyed in the knowledge of their tranquility.

Joy doesn't always have to come from personal firsthand experience.  Sometimes its found in the most extreme way, through others.

It's like gift giving. Better to give than receive, a quaint but true concept.  Fulfillment can be had by watching others soar. The smile on someones face who has been struggling, or the gratitude overflowing from someone who receives the tiniest of gestures. Joy can be hidden in the words of someones story, you just have to look, listen, or read between the lines.

The  Joy you find in others does not result by being selfish. It is about observation and empathy, compassion and love. You can find Joy in others triumphs and achievements.  When someone conquers a great challenge or overcomes insurmountable odds, you can find Joy. When someone simply realizes a truth, or finds an answer long sought, you can share in their joy.

Today, I found joy in someone else personal victory, and it was like eating a 6 course meal. Fulfilling, delightful, and inspiring.

Alice in Wonderland....

 

Every day is an adventure in wonderland.  Sometimes its a perilous journey facing evil the likes of the Red Queen, and other days are full of discovery and merriment like the Mad Hatters Tea Party.

There are times I am certain I've fallen down the rabbits hole. Some days I am mid fall, floating through the air waiting to land, and other days I have already used my tiny little key and met the Cheshire cat.

So in my wonderland who is who?  Well, the truth is it changes from day to day.  The 'Big Bad' is never a constant because usually I freeze out the elements in my life that make me feel less than good about myself. If they cause self doubt , I throw them out.  So the Red Queen could be symbolic in nature of a challenge I am facing at any given moment, or it could be a person.  Either way, just as with Alice, I always persevere. Off with Her head.

The Mad Hatter, well, that would Jeff. He is my mad mad hatter.  But he has captured my heart and I am lucky to take this adventure with him. As for the Tea Party, well if Tao of Tea is providing the leaves, I'm in. Perhaps a refreshing Oolong, Darjeeling, or Black Spiral.

Tweedle dee and Tweedle dum......You might assume this could be my boys I suppose, but they might both take issue with such a reference. I think they would both rather be Cheshire cat and the Caterpillar which is probably more fitting. I have others in mind for Tweedle Dee and Dum but their identities will remain a secret.

I am constantly looking for that wonderful drink that will shrink my size.  If you find it, let me know.  I could really use it. I already ate the mushrooms and have experienced their counter measure.  I would much rather shrink.

Do you think they have wine in wonderland?  Perhaps Alice just didn't spend enough time to find the vineyard. If so, I prefer a full bodied red or a sweet dessert white. If we find some dark chocolate, a well aged port will do the trick too.

Wonderland is not just an escape, but  place in which I can appreciate all the little details and elements around me. I have faced the Jabberwocky and lived to tell the story.

"Jabberwocky"
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

“

”

from Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There (1871).

It's a Matter of Taste...Buds

It's perplexing to me how some of the most simple flavors in life can be accepted and praised or rejected and despised by people depending on their taste buds. Take Dark Chocolate for instance. Some people (those with taste....) love it, and others find it bitter and unappealing (dead buds). :)  You can clearly see what side I fall on.

I've found that foods which I've tasted and find bland and boring are defined as flavorful and delicious by the next person.  Same dish, same day, same seasonings (or lack thereof ...thus the bland) but two different sets of buds and two very different resulting reviews.

They say we each experience food and flavor as uniquely as our DNA and fingerprints. That our chemical composition, and even the air we breathe can effect our sense of taste.

We each have levels of tolerance for sweet, for sour, for spicy. Our taste buds individually identify known compounds like fennel, garlic, pepper, thyme...etc.   We each are drawn to certain flavors and sometimes we don't even know why.  The fact is , if we truly understood the science behind some of the contributing ingredients to the flavors we love, we would NEVER even consider their consumption.

I won't spill the beans on all, but here are two I have shared before so its not like a secret. Many years ago, I worked for a food manufacturing company that  created and sold flavor additives to larger manufacturers.  They made candy flavors, drink flavors, and even microwave popcorn butter flavor additives. What are Microwave popcorn flavor additives you may ask? Well the easy answer is simply to explain it as that wonderful butter flavoring that coats the popcorn as you nuke it. Now.......for the little piece of science behind that flavor which will make you melt your own real butter in the future and pop your own kernals.  It's quite likely you may never eat another bag of microwave popcorn. That butter flavoring is manufactured in a lab and one of the key compounds it contains, Ketone, is derived from cat urine (I got it straight from the scientists mouth).  Did you also know that 'Bone Char' is used in the process of filtering and bleaching raw sugar (naturally brown in color) to that white we are all so accustomed to.  They say the bone char comes from cows which have died a "Natural" death. The bones are then dried, bleached, and ground into the char that is then used in the processing of the sugar.

Lesson here.....simple, flying blind is best. Ignorance is truly bliss.

I still love the exotic flavors of  Asian cuisines. I enjoy the spice in Indian food, and the scent of Mediterranean influenced dishes. I love a good old fashioned bar-b-que and nothing gets my day going like breakfast. I'm drawn to the salty side of taste, although  I still enjoy sweet, on occasion.

Texture may be a deciding factor, but flavor is where it all begins. We may not always see eye to eye on what we like, but part of the fun is the exploration and expanding of our boundaries. There is rarely a food I will not try, but there are always those I will go back for.  The trick is keeping me in the dark about the science behind the flavor.

Who Am I....

I'm just a simple girl doing the best I can.  I have had the blessing and the curse of starting over more than once in life. Rebuilding from the ground up. I have taken wrong turns and hit dead ends and had to backtrack and tunnel at times just to find the path again.

I have wisdom hard earned and paid for with blood, sweat, and tears. I am spunky and confident but contrastingly insecure and contemplative.

I love with all I am and fight with the ferocity of a wild cat when hurt or betrayed.  I am devil and saint depending on the cause, and I am determined and hopeful always.

I am mother and friend, every hour of every day.  I am distant and occasional sibling and daughter.  I am in love with a man who has known me for more than 30 years and who has seen me at my best and worst and still accepts me.I am neither perfect nor corrupted.

When I fall asleep at night, it is most often fulfilled and whole. When I wake each day it is frequently with vigor and enthusiasm for what lies ahead. I laugh easily and cry quietly.

I am both selfless and selfish, ever enthralled in battle to do what is right for others but still right for me.

I think politics and religion are both deeply personal and volatile subjects and I choose rather than to debate the points , to resign myself to respect that each person has their own view. 

I forgive but never forget. I believe in honesty and loyalty and strive to always hold myself true to their meanings.  I am jealous and possessive. I am controlling and concise. But I am giving and kind , generous and protective.

I lead with logic, always using my head before my heart, but I am easily swayed through loving words and compliments.

I am a contradiction to myself, but I am me and that's all I can ever be.

The Nose Knows...Odd things We Sniff

 

It's laundry day seven days a week in my house. It seems a never ending chore. I am ever amazed at the endurance of my washer and dryer through the years. I imagine the life of my washer and dryer much like that of a dog.  With the burden I place on them, I expect they age at a rate of 10 years plus for every year I have had them.  And yet....they carry on.  But as always, I find myself sidetracked from my thoughts this morning.....Focus....ahhh the nose.....that's where I wanted to go......   

Have you ever wondered why it is that our instincts as humans drive us to do the most inappropriate and insane things some times. I watched my son as he cleaned his room last night, sorting through the clothes on his floor for cleans and dirties (it would be simple if he put the cleans away as laundry is done....but that's another story and he is a 16 year old boy...soooo there is that).  As he picked through the pile he occasionally lifted a garment to his nose and sniffed. Clean or Dirty?  And I suddenly found myself laughing as I thought about the insanity of the process.  

Did he ACTUALLY sniff his own underwear to see if they were clean or dirty? And what rank odor did he discover that resulted in their deposit in the hamper? Socks too, and pants, and shirts. All followed suit! Either clean or dirty. I realized as I watched in that brief moment, that we are a VERY peculiar species. 

We sniff the milk carton after its expiration date to see if its spoiled....well duh? Just pore it out. We smell bad meat, and leftovers because the Nose apparently Knows better than our own sense of logic. We step in something and its stuck on the sole of our shoe, and we smell it to decipher its origin (more often than not its dog poo, so lets just assume so moving forward...shall we).  Are we hoping that by some miracle that milk survived its lifespan or that mold is removable or that maybe the dog poo is something minty fresh? 

Our sense of smell allows us to experience euphoria at the scent of fresh baked cupcakes and cookies. Our mouths water at the scent of garlic and butter. We are buoyed by fresh flowers and newly mowed grass. These scents waft around us and we are soothed. 

I guess the Nose Knows good from bad, fresh from rank, but sometimes.....just sometimes, I think it would be better to err on the side of stink and just let it go. No need to smell your own armpit, if in doubt apply deodorant or take a shower. You suspect you have bad breath?...Brush your teeth or eat a mint.  I have no intention of smelling dirty underwear, stinky socks, sweaty shirts, and soiled pants. If you put them in the laundry, I'll assume they need washed. I'll take your word for it.  

Never too Old........

There are some things you are just never to old for.

Here is a list....

Your never too old to learn new things.

Your never too old to laugh.

Your never too old to marvel at fireworks.

Your never too old to be curious.

Your never too old to give your mom a hug..(that's right boys bring it on!)

Your never too old to cry.

Your never too old to admit being scared.

Your never too old to enjoy animated movies.

Your never too old to just be silly.

Your never to old for an Easter Basket or Christmas Stocking (just ask my sons!).

Your never too old for a nap.

Your never too old for a bedtime.

Your never too old to enjoy a bubble bath with rubber duckies.

Your never too old for candy.

Your never too old to play with toys.

Your never too old to play pranks. 

and.....drum roll please........

Your never too old to give your mom a hug (that one was worth repeating!)

Live Young, Be young!

Faith, Hope, Love....But the Greatest of these is Love

 

Over the last 5 weeks I have watched the miniseries "The Bible" on the history channel. I read the critics reviews and it would seem a love hate relationship was had.  Some found the production trite, while others were inspired by it. I fell somewhere in the middle. It was intriguing enough that I continued to watch, but it had its moments where I thought it took shortcuts and a minimalistic view of the stories through blinders. It did remind me of my childhood Sunday School teachings and helped me recall some of the more whimsical stories like the fall of Jericho (walls crumbling down after a 7 lap march and an army battle cry). I enjoyed the old testament stories and build up to the birth of Jesus. I will say the Moses story line was almost as badly overacted as the Charlton Heston version in the Ten Commandments. 
  
What I struggled most with was the self serving casting of Roma Downey as Mary, Jesus' mother.  She and husband Mark Burnett (Yes that Mark Burnett) were responsible for bringing the production to life, but as a viewer I would have been the first to vote her off the island ala Survivor style. I understand she was previously "Touched by an Angel"   but for this story, they should have continued with fairly unknowns in order to allow the viewer to continue the pretense that these were biblical characters brought to life, not Hollywood tainted. Her presence pulled me out of the story and back to Hollywood. It just felt off. 

The highlights for me were the clarification that Jesus was purported to have spent time after his resurrection amongst his followers before his ascension. and of course Paul's message found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-13.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;^{[a] 6} it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
⁸ Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. ¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. ¹² For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
¹³ So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Of all the passages in the bible, this is one of my favorite. I am not a scholar nor am I prepared or able to debate the nature of religions and their competing covenants.

Its true, I don't subscribe to the business of what religions today have become, but I did grow up with a prevalence of teachings. I acknowledge a core belief system within myself planted and nurtured in my formative years. I have since opened my heart and soul up to embrace and respect a broader range of spiritual musings and doctrines,  but they don't usurp or displace many of the basic principals on which I was raised. At the core of every belief system, you will find the elements of faith, hope, and love.

Religion is a messy business and has become the justification for war and greed and destruction throughout time.

The bible is a book of stories retold through the centuries, translated and re-translated. Like any history book it is subject to interpretation and the influence of the viewpoint of the story teller. I believe it is a window in a period of history full of turmoil and transformation.But I also believe that neither the Pentecost, the Baptists, the Catholic, the Jew, the Muslim, the Mormon, the Buddhist, the Wicca, or any other, has all of the answers. I think the truth can be found in all of these, in pieces. None of us are privy to all the answers and as a result we have no right to judge each other for what we believe.

The De-Evolution of Accountability

Is it me, or does it seem as if our generation (the 40-60 somethings) placed greater emphasis and value on accountability and independence than the children we gave birth to?  It seems as if we put a great deal of effort into getting jobs, getting our drivers license, moving out, and owning our lives at a much earlier stage than the generation of young adults we see today.

Now I'm not saying its either better or worse, just it would seem...a bit of a back wards crawl..a de-evolving if you will.

Today's kids are having sex earlier, drinking earlier, and forever professing their independence and lack of desire and or need for parental guidance. But the moment they make a monumental blunder, guess who is expected to step in and fix it or plea for leniency on behalf of the oh so independent one? Its not an absolute of course, there are those of us who still try to teach our children the laws of cause and effect, consequences for actions both positive and negative. But more often than not, in the news, in our schools, all around us, the parents are preventing lessons from being learned and enabling their children to simply continue into adulthood with no sense of accountability.

It's a paradox really.  On one hand they are making more adult choices, or rather choices of a more adult nature in their behaviors. However, when the time comes for accountability, they cry foul. They want to pick and chose when to play the adult card and when to play the card of being a kid. So how do we successfully parent the adult/child teenagers in this topsy turvy wibbly wobbly world? Its enough to drive you crazy.

Did we make a mistake by wanting to give them better lives than we had? Did we err by preventing them from facing the same struggles we faced as young adults?  Did we somehow compromise their character building experiences by steering them around them?

I see only two choices for future generations. A. Don't have kids, its takes time and sacrifice and unless you are all in then you might as well be all out...or.... B. Follow a traditional path of parenting with discipline and regimen and make sure that even with the temptations of technology and society pressure that you never check out. Be thick skinned and prepared to say no even at the risk of painful daggers thrown your way during that squishy time between teen and adult. Expect to hear the words "I hate you" but know that in all that hate there is love and someday gratitude.

I've never been a fan of evolution so its no surprise I refuse to fall prey to the de-evolution of our kids.  I'll take the hate, because I know at the end of the journey, it all comes back to love.

Respect and Adoration

A dear friend of mine, who I have only known for a short while (less than 2 years), is going through a very difficult time right now.  I have such respect and adoration for this amazing woman and what she has faced in life and it causes me pain to see what she is facing now, but I know in my heart that she is strong and she is courageous and she can face what lies ahead with such tenacity, humility, and fortitude that regardless of the outcome, she will endure.

As she shared her present understanding of her situation with me today, she asked the question with tears in her eyes "Am I just destined to always struggle and deal with pain and loss". Her question was not born out of self pity or weakness, but rather a genuine desire to understand why life seems to give her more difficult challenges than most.

I thought about her question and all the many platitudes you hear people quip came to mind..."Sometimes you have to walk through your nightmares to reach your dreams", "There is no strength without struggle", "God never allows you to go through anything he hasn't given you the strength to face"....and they all sounded hollow.

What could I say to this wonderful and amazing woman to help lift her up in her time of need?  And then I thought of something I heard once, maybe as a  young adult from someone much wiser than I was at the time.

I was in a soup of despair and pain, mired in circumstances it felt were beyond my control or my capacity to endure and someone passing through my life brought it into perspective. Life's struggles are like a grain of sand in an oyster. They grind on us... wearing us down it seems, irritating and tearing the flesh from our emotional being. We ache and we bleed. We cry and we fight. But in the end, when that grain of sand has finished with its work, what is left?  A soft beautiful and powerfully strong pearl. It is unique, like none other. But it is beautiful and precious, and worthy.

Not everyone can become a pearl. Not everyone WILL be given to opportunity to become a pearl. Each of us has our own capacity and path in this life. Some are meant to be great in the next life, they are the ones who face challenges now to help build the strength that  will be required to lead.

My dear friend, is worthy of respect and adoration for all she has faced and for what lies ahead. But it is her courage that will lend strength to those who need it most and maybe that's her purpose. Maybe her calling is one of uplifting those around her who need her at their most vulnerable stages. She is not drawn to the ailing or weak, but rather they are drawn, unbeknownst even to them, to her gift...to her light of perseverance.

In her darkest hour she may see her life as cursed with struggle, but she is actually blessed with the ability to remain steadfast and devoted when all hope pales. She is one in a million and in the end she will be a gleaming pearl to stand the test of eternity.

Keeping Me on My Toes

 

Everyday is an adventure and full of surprises.  Sometimes its little things like a spider on the wall or ants in the window.  Sometimes its fresh flowers for no reason, or pastries for dessert. There are the small things, but the ones that really keep me on my toes are the big unexpected things. Sometimes good. Sometimes, not so good.

This weekend saw the epic conclusion to a month long celebration of Jeff's birthday. We wrapped it with a weekend away. Mother nature seriously cooperated and gave us the most amazing weather EVER, for March on the coast in the great Northwest.  Bright blue skies, zero wind, 70"s. A complete absence of morning haze which meant we didn't have to wait for the day to be half gone before the "burn off" of the oh so common marine layer. It was gorgeous from start to finish.We enjoyed our time together and rediscovered a little romance, and it was euphoric. We reconnected and in so doing rediscovered that love that sometimes gets buried in the day to day muck. Happy was the word of the day.

On Thursday before our trip began, I received what appears to be burgeoning into an annual event, the dreaded message from one of my children regarding their own spring break mayhem. To be clear, this is the 4th or 5th year in a row that something went terribly wrong over spring break in California while visiting their dad. From ACL damage, to broken limbs, to missed flights, broken hands, and pink eye, its always something different, and you never know what to expect. This year Brandon suffered a severe crash in the desert. As a result he is in a "boot" (yes the aforementioned ugly non-fashionable kind I refused to wear more than necessary with my recent broken foot - another blog entry) for a minimum of two weeks, he will miss his first week of classes for his spring term in college, he is off work with no income (he just moved in to his first apartment and rent is due today) for at least a week, and he is taking prescriptions meds for pain and swelling in his leg, hip, and elbow areas where he has some nasty bruising and significant rock rash (that's like road rash only instead of asphalt it was rocks in the desert). But for all intent and purpose, he walked away. This is good, a true testament to the value of safety gear.

My point in the telling of the two contrasting elements of my weekend, is simple. There is a yen and a yang to our lives. A positive and negative. Rewards and challenges. It takes both to truly round things out and maintain a healthy respect and perspective on all life is. From heart-wrenching concern to blissful companionship all in the course of 12 hours, its a never-ending journey that keeps me on my toes.

As for today, who knows? It started out well, and my week promises to be good with Jeff on a day shift for the duration which means home in the evenings......... So I am optimistic and have a good feeling. No April Fools Pranks for me this year, I'm keeping it real.

Sweet Imagination

I am mom to two boys.  One is already an adult at the age of 20 and the other is soon to be an adult at nearly 17.  Its been a long time since I experienced the sweetly innocent imagination of a child, but this week I smiled and found myself inspired by just that.

One of my cousins Sam, on my dads side, has two very beautiful children. Her youngest, a little girl named Charlie (after my grandfather Charlie).  To see the pictures of Charlie and her brother Gavin are so much fun.  You can tell that they enjoy life and their mom delights in her role as their loving and nurturing caregiver. This week the following story was posted on Facebook and it brightened my day:

 

On our way home, at Detroit Wayne airport, we were walking to our gate. As we are doing so Charlie stops and goes, "uh", and refuses to move, staring at the floor. I ask her what she's doing. She replies, "peter pan found Charlie. I love him"

You see, what was happening was due to the lighting in that area, multiple shadows of herself were being cast on the ground at her feet. She legitimately believed one was hers, the other peter pans, which she then pointed out to me. Oh the minds of little children. Thank you Sam and my Disney obsession for giving us moments such as this.

 

What is more amazing than the ability to believe? I dare say...NOTHING.  Sweet Charlie saw that shadow and without hesitation or doubt simply BELIEVED.   She knew in her heart that she only had 1 shadow and therefore the second was Peter Pan and he was with her and she loved him.  Simple and sweet, unfettered innocence.

I miss the days of imagination and whimsy in my children, but even more, in myself.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all stop, every so often, and just enjoy and appreciate the imaginative and whimsical world around us?  Throw off the weight of bills and taxes, work and health issues. Get rid of the newspaper headlines and nightly news reporting on the travesties taking place all around the world. Just give in to that side of ourselves we lost somewhere around middle childhood.

I can't exactly remember when I lost the ability to immerse myself in imagination, nor can I remember at what point my own children shifted. What I do know. is that at some point the ability to simply believe in the unbelievable vanished and everything had to be explained with logic and reason.

Well I say pffft, and pish posh to all that. I want to go back under the veil and into a world where anything is possible if you just believe.  I know, reality dictates I must pay the rent and the electricity, and I have always been responsible, but at the end of the day when all is taken care of, I am checking out and you can find me once again in Neverland. See you there.