The Perfect Friday Night

When I was 18, the perfect Friday night was an evening with my friends, cruising the Boulevard, just hanging out, laughing and flirting with all the cute boys.  Talking about who was dating who, who liked who, what we were going to do with our futures, and where we were going to be in five years.

When I was twenty something, I was pushing all the limits of my strict upbringing.  I was dancing, and hitting night clubs with my husband and our friends.  We wanted to be out and living and loving.  We drank to much, we had too much sex, and we fought too much, but we were living and that's all we thought about.

When I was thirty something, I was in full parent swing. Mom 24/7 and a Friday night out was a treat.  My husband went weekly but my Fridays were few and far between. When we went, we no longer closed the bars down, closing time was something of a fantasy, we were home by midnight and paying the babysitter. One of us had to stay sober in case the kids needed us in the middle of the night and since it wasn't going to be him , that left it to me to be the responsible parent. By the end of my thirty's I was a single parent and it would be years before I would have another fruity concoction or glass of wine.

Now I'm forty something and The Perfect Friday is very different.  My children are more grown up, one is 20 and the other 16. I no longer see the appeal of clubs and bars, to be honest crowds and small places fill me with anxiety and panic.  I don't like the stuffy air and the invasion of personal space. An evening out is usually with close friends or my man, and ends somewhere between 7:00 and 9:00 p.m.  I prefer to go home where I can change into something comfortable and relax.  An evening with my sons or my man is much preferred to the company of strangers and loud places.  A nice bottle of chilled wine, some take out, and a good show on TV, Netflix, DVD, or even a good book or a night of family games (Apples to Apples and Scattorgories are always a hit).

I think I'll leave the clubbing to the young and foolish, and I'll make the wiser more mature choice of home early and comfort.  I like to think it has nothing to do with energy or age, but simply wisdom and life knowledge.

The Perfect Friday night, is right here, with glass of wine, my blog, my pups and my kids and My man will be home soon from work to round it out to my little bit of heaven. Cheers!

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens.....

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens........

These are a few of my favorite things.....

• Dark Chocolate with hints of Lavender or Orange Peel
• Fresh Sushi with a touch of Wasabi
• Freshly laundered sheets and pillowcases
• Bubble baths with soft light and a hint of mint
• Holding hands and spooning with my man
• Compliments from friends and laughter amongst us
• Hugs from my children
• The smell of baby lotion and bath
• Having my back and neck rubbed
• A really good Pedicure, not a cheap one, but one done really well
• Hats, feminine and fun
• Hearing "I love you" from people who matter
• A good bottle of wine with cheese and crackers
• A drive in the mountains and the sound of a creek
• The smell of the ocean and feel of sand between my toes
• The look in the eyes of a puppy who I know loves me unconditionally
• A well seasoned tender steak cooked medium rare
• The smell of fresh paint, new shoes, a tire store, automobile A/C, hair perm solutions, Acrylic Nail Salons, and racing fuel
• Wearing the scent of clean clear perfume and the smell of my man fresh from the shower.
• A really great book

So there you have it, you now know more about me than most people. :) I'm sure there are more, but those will do for now. It's a pretty comprehensive list, not in any particular order. :)

I would love to see you share a few of your favorite things. :)

New Fall Season vs. BBC

So I have been power watching TV this week.  Not because I have nothing else to do, God knows there is a lot to be done, but I have my priorities in line and understand that as a good consumer and valued critic to my friends, its important for me to review and assess the quality of Entertainment being provided.  Really?  I think I almost buy that, Almost. :)

Truth is I have been looking forward to the premier of Fall TV's new lineup for no other reason than it gives me an excuse to spend my evenings after a long day at work, participating in mindless, effortless defrag.  I know, not a word, but it fits, so it should be.

I run a household, I raise two sons, work full time, I am maid, chef, nurse, tutor, chauffeur, personal shopper, and friend. Its not all that often I sit for more than 15 minutes at a time without hopping up to take care of the next crisis. So.. Fall TV is a week-long vacation in my favorite chair from 8:00 p.m. - 11:00 p.m. each day.

Here is what I've discovered.  American TV is not that great!  We are imitators not innovators. We have little to non-existent creativity and originality.  The few hits we have are knock offs from British TV.  We pilfer ideas from the British, bastardize them, and break them down until any substance is depleted. We then launch our interpretation of them and brand it as our idea.

For demonstration sake I will provide one example. Last night a new show premiered on CBS Called Elementary, its an American take on the British version of Sherlock, yes Holmes.

The British version is simply titled Sherlock and stars Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman, and is fascinating, engaging, and WONDERFUL! Cumberbatch's portrayal of Holmes is fresh and eclectic, he is a master at playing the OCD plagued high functioning sociopath (his own words, while defending himself against an accusation of psychopath...:). Freeman's portrayal of Watson is equally engaging as the sidekick and based on this character alone, I am anxious for the Hobbit this winter in which he plays Bilbo Baggins. I am riveted when watching the BBC series on NetFlix and am looking forward with excitement for the fall season on BBC to begin.

The American version is titled Elementary and stars Johnny Lee Miller as Holmes and Lucy Liu as Watson. It was mildly entertaining, but my expectations were high and I kept finding myself comparing it to the clearly better British version, and therefore I was disappointed.  The casting of Liu as Watson was odd and really doesn't work for me.  It puts an element of sexual tension in the story line (so American) and is highly distracting. Millers delivery of Holmes was lacking somewhat and failed to portray his seriously intense eccentricities.  It was o.k., but a shadow of the quality produced by our British counterparts.

Overall, I love the BBC network.  Shows like Dr. Who (my favorite show hands down anywhere on TV or NetFlix), Copper, and Sherlock are my guilty pleasure.  Major American Network TV has nothing on them.  Cable has some promising and engaging offerings, (Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead, American Horror Story) and Movie Channels have a few (Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, True Blood, Dexter). Overall, the ABC/CBS/NBC era could disappear and I would be o.k. with it.  I prefer my alternative choices with BBC right there at the top.

Sushi Go-Round - Pet Peeve

O.k. I have a pet peeve that is growing exponentially every time I hit any of my local Sushi go-round style restaurants.

Let me start by saying Sushi is hands down one of my favorite meals. I love to try new foods, and new cultures, but Sushi could easily become a staple in my diet and I would be a happy happy woman.

I have several high end sushi restaurants that I truly enjoy going to. They are a special treats. I do live on a budget and have to be conservative most of the time, but a splurge for great sushi is an occasional MUST.

To add to my joy, my son Wyatt loves sushi too, and I have over the last 7 years (has it been 7 years already) even been able to nurture an appreciation for sushi in Jeff. Its really lovely, when on a Saturday afternoon drive while contemplating what to do for lunch, he proffers up "hey, what about Sushi, I could really go for some sushi right about now".  It brings a mile wide grin to my face.  Granted, his tastes are still developing and he has a lot of adventure awaiting him, but for now he appreciates the basics and I can be patient (no really I can!)

Onward, time to get back on track, I didn't start this post to brag about good Sushi and great companions, I started it to point out a great irritation.  Sushi Go-Rounds.

I frequent my local Sushi go-rounds for 3 reasons, 1. Price  2. Variety  3. Convenience.  When I first started going to the conveyor belt sushi restaurants, I noticed the quality wasn't always high, but the price was good and as long as the fish is edible and tastes right I can compromise. Its clearly frozen, not fresh, but when I can walk away with a full feeling for $13 instead of $50 my wallet and my stomach are content. When I first started going to conveyor belt sushi, the belt was always full, variety was good, and it was a quick and easy experience.  There were no special orders, you chose from what was provided, and you were happy with the overall experience.

Now, everywhere I go the experience is greatly disappointing. The belts are empty because the sushi chefs are so busy taking and making special orders they aren't  producing plates for the belt. If people want special order sushi then they should go to a restaurant where they can sit at a table and place their order. DO NOT compromise my conveyor belt quantity for your demands.  Conveyor belt sushi restaurants should simply say, sorry no special orders and focus on keeping the belt full and the customer, who understands the nature of this conceptual business, happy.

Please let me have my cheap but satisfying sushi experience back. Take whats on the belt and enjoy it, and if your not happy then go to a different restaurant and order from a menu.  Stop ruining my Sushi Go-Rounds!

Please and Thank You. (never say I don't have manners)

Playing Favorites - Big Mistake

Human Nature dictates that we are all different, all unique, and that as individuals we are simply not going to like everyone we meet.  Different strokes for different folks, and all that jazz.  But....as parents we can't fall into this trap.  We have to be better! We have to find a balance and keep an open mind.  What am I talking about you may ask. Well, it really is quite clear, playing favorites. It's a big NO NO and something we have to fight if we are going to be successful at what we do in the most important job we will EVER have.

Rather you have two children or twenty children,  it simply isn't healthy or helpful to play favorites.  In fact, it can be downright damaging.

As a mother of two, I am amazed everyday, how even though my sons share many interests and characteristics, they are also vastly different.  Genetics mean only that they have similar physical traits. Beyond that, they are unique and wonderful, each in their own way.  They have both strengths and weaknesses, just as everyone does. They both have very strong personalities and clear points of view which neither hesitates to express.  The interesting thing to me, is that even though they were raised in the same home with the same rules and guidelines, they are two very specific individuals. And then I think about my own upbringing, 1 of 6 children, and I realize the same holds true no matter how many children there are.  We are all uniquely different.

I think the key is unconditional love.  Even though our human nature tells us to chose the path of least resistance and love those who are most amiable to our interests and likes, as a parent we have to make the CHOICE to be more open and more accepting and more appreciative. To see beyond our typical preferences and to love unconditionally.  Its important to the emotional well being of our children that they understand they are loved EQUALLY.  This holds true rather you are a two parent household or or only one, and it holds true for both parents, no matter how actively engaged.

Take the time, however complicated it may be, to spend personalized one-on-one time with each of your children frequently.  Family time is important, but so are those moments of focus when it's you and them. Learn their interests and value their opinions. Identify their needs and allow them to flourish in their individuality.  Teach them to respect and appreciate others for who they are, for their quirkiness and for their conformity. Help them to find BALANCE.

To set them apart and create hard lines of favorites only results in emotional traumas, self doubt and low self-esteem, and intense deeply rooted resentment.  Love your children equally, unconditionally, and openly, and they will learn to do the same. 

Empathy - Portland Homeless

Why is it so hard for us to find empathy for those around us.? This morning, as any other morning, I saw a presumably homeless man on the corner holding his sign, waiting for drivers to donate to his cause. The mere fact that I would use the word "presumably" is a sign of my own doubt and desensitization.

It seems these days that there is a sign on every corner and it makes me wonder about the individuals holding them.  Is this simply their "career" choice? A way to make a living, tax free. Subjecting oneself to humility and scorn, if you clear $40k tax free a year, would it be worth it?

There are tell tale signs that might indicate some are not as down and destitute as they portend.  Shoes, Clothes, Pets, Manicured Nails, hair color (and for one woman extensions), Do they carry a small backpack (not homeless) or the homeless bundle defined by the abundance of blankets and often found in a cart or a tent nearby? Does that sound judgmental? It's truly not meant to be. But I saw one of the
"broke and homeless, anything helps" women, get into her well cared for and clutter free 2008 SUV two days ago and drive away at the end of her shift on the 205 X Glisan  off-ramp. Homeless? You tell me.

Its clear that some of these individuals have no ethic or moral compass, and think they have found a way to cheat the system.  I suppose in a really depraved and reprehensible way its really smart.They make enough money to drive nice vehicles, carry smart phones with data plans, and go out to dinner frequently. I'm sure these same individuals are amongst the percentage of growing population who receive public assistance, attend college on federal grant monies, and claim to be unable to provide for themselves without the aid of such programs. Many live better and more affluent lives than some of us who work every day trying to make ends meet the respectable and honest way.

The saddest part of this whole phenomenon is that there really are homeless people who need our help. Who have no family, no place to go, and are starving,. They sleep on sidewalks and in alleys and beneath freeway overpasses. They crave a hot meal and warm shower but the shelters are few and far between and overflowing.  Homeless Dan, a Vietnam Vet who works the 5 north on-ramp at the end of Interstate just before Interstate Bridge, is out there every day with his tent and broken bicycle in the trees neatly bound.  He's there every day when not fighting the cancer that is slowly taking his life but not his spirit. You can tell when he's doing well and when he's not , the telltale weight gain and loss, in addition to the hair loss, and the dark circles under his eyes. Even so, he has his pride and he wears the cleanest clothes he can find and always smells of soap as though he finds a way to bathe daily. Dan is one of the few genuinely grateful and true homeless, who will take, with greatest of dignity, anything you can give. He is not afraid to stay at a shelter if he can get a cot. I have given him coats, and shoes, and even a Thanksgiving meal one year. Its not much, but he is always kind and gracious.  He doesn't smell of smoke and booze, but of a man who needs a kind word and helping hand.

Unfortunately, it is increasingly more difficult to find the "Dan's" in this community. I want to give, I want to care, I want to not be insensitive. But I will not contribute to a tobacco habit, an alcohol problem, a drug addiction, or a home where the individuals are capable and able bodied and mentally stable enough to hold a job, however menial, however humble.

With some shame and sorrow I admit, I now avert my eyes, from these career pan handlers. I have not given in a very long while and I find it disturbing that an increasing percentage of our society are embracing this as a choice instead of a means of survival and last resort. It has taken away from the truly broken and in need souls, who have lost their way, or met some terrible misfortune. Less of us give, because more and more we doubt the validity and genuine need.

Does anyone else find themselves suspicious, full of disgust and derision for the farce and dishonesty of many of these role players? I want to have empathy, to care about my fellow man, but its hard when often we are simply being played for a fool and taken advantage of.

Family Values - Value Adds

There is a lot of talk around me lately about family. Family values, the value of relationships, the future, the past…lots and lots of talk…but no action.   I’ve thought long and hard about it, about why things vary so greatly from one family to the next, and why there is such a prevalence all around me of families in my generation with a high level of dysfunction and disassociation.  I think I have some ideas, but they all sound like excuses.  The truth is there can be no solution without action.  Talk and wishes and ideas are only air without action. As a general rule, I am not a fan of talk without action, I can’t complain if I’m not willing to present a solution.

It’s strange how memories can be different.  People can experience the same situation and have different perceptions or memories about it.  I have spent the greater part of my adult life absent of genuine relationships with my siblings. We are acquaintances, bound by blood, but we don’t truly know each other.  I know there is genuine love and care in the cake batter of some of our connections, but it simply isn’t priority, or so it seems. Like most things in life we look for a “value-add”. What will this relationship or the effort it takes to cultivate it ”add” to my life? I guess it’s hard to predict the “value-add” because we don’t know each other well enough to make the assessment.  Truth is we are not the people we were as children or early adults. Life changes us, molds us, and if we are lucky enough it enlightens us and makes us better each day. But, unless we take the time to know that about each other, we only have the memories from times past, and as I mentioned before memories can be vastly different from one person to the next, not always true, and not always fond. 

For instance, I remember many family gatherings as a kid. Going to my grandparents on both my mother and fathers sides. There are some pleasant memories, brief moments of calm and joy, but for me, family gatherings represented fights, tension, and anger between my parents.  Inevitably, every family gathering resulted in a fight between my parents, often times before they even began, before we even arrived, sometimes before we even left the house.  My father didn’t like my mother’s family, and my mother didn’t like my father’s family so every time an event was planned someone was resentful, angry, and uncomfortable.  Children are much more aware and cognizant than adults give them credit for and so…even if the fight didn’t take place in front of me (though it often did) I was still aware of it. I think this was formative for me. It shaped how I viewed family gatherings and created and anxiety in me about what they represent and mean.  This anxiety was only reinforced, when as an adult, my ex-husband’s family gatherings resulted in drama as well.  As a result, though I desire a relationship with my siblings, the idea of large family gatherings fills me with anxiety and dread.

As a mother, I work hard to create a different meaning and atmosphere for my sons. Drama Free. I want them to return, or to develop, a fondness and appreciation for family gatherings. To accept and honor the unique and amazing qualities each of them bring to the table and to set aside the differences. I want to create an atmosphere of inclusiveness in which they and their loved ones, and each additional generation as they arrive are always welcome. I want my home to be a place where differences get left at the door and laughter and love are found inside.  I had some really great examples of mistakes I don’t want to make and all I can do is strive to be better. 

Will my siblings and I ever truly connect or figure it out, maybe…maybe not…..but I think in our own ways we are all trying to do better with our own families. I have realized through events of the past few weeks, one being the sudden and relatively rapid illness and death of my Aunt, that life is short, and if we don’t figure it out, it may be too late before we know it.

Hungry Shopping

Have you ever gone grocery shopping on an empty stomach? 

It goes something like this…You make out your list, with every intention of sticking to it. You’re a very disciplined person and pride yourself on being a good manager of your household budget. You have preplanned all of this week’s meals and exactly what you will need in the right proportions so that you are not wasteful but everyone can eat well. You have thrown in a few treats and snack items, to bridge that gap between meals and satisfy your growing teenage son. It’s a good list. 

You decide that you’re going to do the shopping early, so as to avoid the crowds.  Nothing is more irritating than trying to grocery shop and running into a sig alert on aisle 3.  This means waking up a little earlier than usual for a weekend, but you can always take a nap later after you get home and put everything away.

The alarm goes off as set, but you hit snooze and think just 15 more minutes won’t hurt.  You hit snooze 3 more times. By the time you get up, you realize if you don’t leave now, the crowds are going to hit.  You thought you had time for breakfast, but that stupid snooze button stole it from you and now there isn’t time to stop. If you hesitate then for certain the crowds, with their coupons, temper-tantrum riddled toddlers, and random willy-nilly “I don’t need a list, I’ll just wing it” attitudes will crowd the aisles and impede your progress.  You pull on your yoga pants, grab your purse and your list, and go.  Your stomach is growling, you’re hungry, but that will have to wait. 

Upon arriving at the grocery store, you smell fresh made coffee and croissants from the bakery, and is that bacon?  Never mind.  Shop.  45 minutes later as you’re at the checkout stand, your list is complete but there are at least 20 additional items in the basket you weren’t counting on and your over budget.  You know they weren’t on the list but those babybells looked really yummy as you passed them by and you grabbed a package so you could open it and eat one as you shopped.  That fresh baked bread smelled lovely and even though it’s a little pricey, it was a must have as were the fresh made croissants and donuts for the boys. The bacon you smelled as you walked in the door, made you remember even though it’s not on the list, you haven’t had bacon in a while so you grabbed a pound (you forgot your teenager hates bacon).  The cookies were on sale and will surely get eaten along with the potato chips and salsa and cheez-its. Ice cream wasn’t on the list either, but dessert is always good, surely it was just an oversight. 

As you pay and walk to car to load the groceries in the trunk, you realize what you’ve done and swear once more, for the umpteenth time, never shop on an empty stomach again. This happens every time.  When you eat first you stick to the list, and when you don’t….well at least you have dessert right?

Flip Flops

I intially posted this blog on September 25, 2012, but given events of this morning, I feel it bears repeating.

Yes, I’m talking about the shoes, not the people who are wishy washy and change their opinions and loyalties like they change their underwear (or so we hope).  Flip Flops the shoes.   

There really should be some general guidelines around how and when these can be worn.  For Instance: You can’t wear them in autumn or winter!!  We live in the Northwest people, for goodness sake its often 35 degrees outside and it is not o.k. for you to be wearing a sandal that was made for the sand and beach and 90 degree temperatures.  And by the way, your feet look horrible, ugly, atrocious, you should be required to encapsulate them at all times inside tidy little close toed shoes.  I really don’t need or want to see those nasty black and yellow toenails and the crust cakes across your heels.  The fungus between your toes and underneath the nails, is that contagious, and what is that smell? I think I just threw up a little in the back of my mouth.

Now I know this sounds mean, but truly, the people wearing these wonderful shoes in the middle of winter are the same people who are uninsured and in the hospital with pneumonia on someone else' dime. Perhaps they could have prevented their illness by wearing appropriate shoes. They  are the same people with a toddler in the stroller without a jacket and barefoot in the middle of November in the Northwest!

Finally, I know it might be unbearably tempting when next summer arrives, and flip flop season is here, to slide your feet into the lazy man shoes,  but there are still some general guidelines which should be applied.  Once again if you are the aforementioned violator of the winter shoe flip flops, your feet are STILL too offensive to wear them in the summer, please don’t. Also, even for your pretty feet people, flip flops are also not appropriate in a professional work environment (the people or the shoes). Even if you cover up those hideous nails and the underlying fungus with polish, we cans still see the crusty heels and that loathsome callous. Also, if your going to present your feet as having had a pedicure, keep it up, chipped, fading, and half worn off polish is worse than none at all. 

In Summary , in the workplace Heel Straps would be better. Nice dressy flip flop style sandals might pass (though I hate the sound of them flip flopping up and down the hallways) but please take care to make sure your feet are clean and properly cared for. The truth is, simply, though anyone can wear flip flops, not everyone should. 

A Case of the Mondays...???

Not everyone will understand this reference, but MANY will. It is an homage to one of my all-time favorite movies, “Office Space”.  The question is , are you having a case of the Monday’s? 

Monday is that day of the week which follows Sunday.  It is, for those who work in a typical Office environment, the day after our weekend, that short two day vacation we are allowed to take EVERY week.  Monday is the day you wake up at the butt crack of dawn and as you grumble while stumbling out of bed, you wish more than anything that you had “just one more hour of sleep” or “just one more day of weekend”.   You ask out loud “do I have to?” followed by a run through in your head of what’s on your desk and when is the last time you called in on a Monday (wouldn’t want to make a habit of it).  Then you decide, begrudgingly, to get your lazy hiney out of bed and go anyway.

I don’t know why Monday’s in the office are any different than any other day of the week, but the atmosphere is different and the workload seems heavier.  I think it’s just an illusion though.  If I really think about it,  my Monday expectations aren’t any different than my Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday.  So what it is really that causes this phenomenon?  I think it’s a state of mind. 

The nice thing is, my mind is unique and doesn’t seem to follow the same patterns as everyone else.  I love Monday’s.  Monday is the day I start a new to-do list for the week. Monday is the day I feel refreshed and ready to go.  Monday is like a new beginning every week.  Like starting over. Fresh starts are good.

I know I’m different, I like the smell of fresh paint , and of hair perm solutions.  The smell of fresh tires, new shoes, and the smell of racing fuel.  These are all some of my favorites.  What gives others a headache, makes me smile and vroom vrooms my heart beat. I like Monday’s. I get to hear about everyone’s weekend excursions and map out my week.  It’s possible I might need some form of therapy?

Do you have a case of the Mondays?