Playing Favorites - Big Mistake

Human Nature dictates that we are all different, all unique, and that as individuals we are simply not going to like everyone we meet.  Different strokes for different folks, and all that jazz.  But....as parents we can't fall into this trap.  We have to be better! We have to find a balance and keep an open mind.  What am I talking about you may ask. Well, it really is quite clear, playing favorites. It's a big NO NO and something we have to fight if we are going to be successful at what we do in the most important job we will EVER have.

Rather you have two children or twenty children,  it simply isn't healthy or helpful to play favorites.  In fact, it can be downright damaging.

As a mother of two, I am amazed everyday, how even though my sons share many interests and characteristics, they are also vastly different.  Genetics mean only that they have similar physical traits. Beyond that, they are unique and wonderful, each in their own way.  They have both strengths and weaknesses, just as everyone does. They both have very strong personalities and clear points of view which neither hesitates to express.  The interesting thing to me, is that even though they were raised in the same home with the same rules and guidelines, they are two very specific individuals. And then I think about my own upbringing, 1 of 6 children, and I realize the same holds true no matter how many children there are.  We are all uniquely different.

I think the key is unconditional love.  Even though our human nature tells us to chose the path of least resistance and love those who are most amiable to our interests and likes, as a parent we have to make the CHOICE to be more open and more accepting and more appreciative. To see beyond our typical preferences and to love unconditionally.  Its important to the emotional well being of our children that they understand they are loved EQUALLY.  This holds true rather you are a two parent household or or only one, and it holds true for both parents, no matter how actively engaged.

Take the time, however complicated it may be, to spend personalized one-on-one time with each of your children frequently.  Family time is important, but so are those moments of focus when it's you and them. Learn their interests and value their opinions. Identify their needs and allow them to flourish in their individuality.  Teach them to respect and appreciate others for who they are, for their quirkiness and for their conformity. Help them to find BALANCE.

To set them apart and create hard lines of favorites only results in emotional traumas, self doubt and low self-esteem, and intense deeply rooted resentment.  Love your children equally, unconditionally, and openly, and they will learn to do the same.